It’s not like I didn’t brace for it. After all, I’ve been pregnant a few times over the last six or seven years, so I know what to expect. I was walking into Loblaws when I felt it coming on, and I even paused and braced for it. It didn’t help.
I sneezed, and to my utter dismay, I squirted.
What the hell? I’m barely six months pregnant, and I didn’t even have a full bladder. I’ve even been doing my kegels.
Speaking of kegels, after birthing 9 lbs and 10 lbs of boy, I take my kegels very seriously. If I didn’t, I imagine my uterus may end up dangling somewhere between my knees by the time I whelp this one. I remember from our prenatal classes, way back when I was pregnant with Tristan, that the nurse said you should find an activity that you do every day and use that activity as a reminder to do your kegels. I could have maybe chosen when I’m standing in my private kitchen making dinner, maybe chosen my private bathroom while brushing my teeth, but no. For every single pregnancy, you know where the only place is that I can remember to do my kegels? At the bus stop. The Rideau Centre bus stop, that is, the one with a minimum of 75 people standing cheek-by-jowl waiting for one of the 6000 buses that pass by during rush hour.
I’m sure the occasional bystander must wonder about the well-rounded woman staring off into the middle distance with a look on her face not unlike she is passing a rather large bowel movement as she stands waiting for the bus. I’m just glad I am (usually) able to keep the grunting under control as I work those muscles.
Gah, sometimes I think pregnancy is just one long series of ever-increasing indignities so by the time you’re propped up on the table with your feet in the stirrups and a roomful of strangers staring at your hoo-ha, you simply don’t care anymore.
Ah well, I suppose there’s irony somewhere in the fact that after a long and arduous road to success, Simon is now perfectly potty trained… and I no longer am.
Funny I just posted on the same thing! Except I am not pregnant so maybe that is sad (not sad that I am not preggy, but sad that I have tinkle issues ). But still Funny!
Oh the horror of the pregnant sneeze. Once, while pg with Rachel, I was crouched down talking to Leah. In the library. Wearing shorts. And I sneezed. You see where this is going, don’t you? I actually peed a little tiny bit on the library carpet. Like a badly trained puppy. I was mortified.
Oh, and the bad news. I haven’t been pg in 5 years (Rae is 5 today) and I *still* have to brace when I sneeze. Old age + 2 big babies = minor incontinence. (And I do my kegels while driving to work listening to the radio for rhythm). Man was this a TMI comment.
omg, you crack me up, lady.
yes, the pregnancy sneeze – stand back.
Ohmigod, thank you! I needed this laugh today. I don’t remember sneezing being a problem but I do remember that laughing definitely was.
i truly truly truly believe that kegels are a load of crap 🙂
I agree with Ali. Man – I had almost forgotten about the preganancy sneeze. I remember having a huge sneeze on my due date and thinking “that was a bad one” only to realize that my water had broken! Hang in there!
You crack me up! That last line (ha!). See ya.
I want to say I feel so bad for you, but I’m laughing too hard to actually say it. God Bless You.
Oh goodness. If I ever have reason to be at that bus stop, I won’t be able to stop staring at any pregnant women in line (and laughing, just a little bit).
Last week Mark called them KUGEL excercises.
I gave him a look. I didn’t know what he meant. I mean WTF does a jewish side dish have to do with my hoohah?
p.s. Someone has developed weights for this kind of thing you know.
I’m wiping tears from my eyes, sore from laughing out loud. What a joy to read such sharp wit, and funnier yet because I can relate. The icing on the cake was reading the other comments – especially Alison’s. Thank you all.
You won’t regret those bus stop exercises later. Trust me.
When I was pregnant with Julia I used to have sneezes that hurt. I’d sneeze and then this muscle in my stomach would protest and it would be awfully uncomfortable. And then that subsided and I just started squirting like you.
Ain’t it grand, pregnancy?
Andrea, hmmmm, the web nanny blocked your (oh so intriguing) kegel site as “adult content.”
Not safe for work, apparently!
Alison – snicker. On the carpet? Chortle.
oh god, i do that too on occasion and I’m no where near preggers. I mentioned this to my doc at my last physical and she looked at me with such pity and said “you’d better get doing your kegels or there’s no hope for you when you get pregnant.”
Except I never remember. Not even when I’m waiting for the bus. LOL!
Like some others, my boys are nearing 5 1/2 months…that’s 66 months post pregnancy and I STILL suffer the dreaded sneeze leak.
years – that’s years….I hit ‘submit’ before I realized my mistake, so no, I am really not a math moron.