From the category archives:

Life, the Universe and Everything

A conversation with Willie the Cat

by DaniGirl on December 1, 2011 · 8 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything

It’s 5:15 am. Willie the cat is sitting on me as I huddle under the blankets and try to ignore him.

Willie: Hey. You. Get up. I’m hungry.

Me: Ugh, Willie. Go back to sleep. It’s early.

Willie: You have to get up. I heard you shifting. I know you’re awake.

Me: Willie, the alarm won’t even go off for 15 more minutes. Get off me.

Willie: You said I don’t cuddle enough. I’m cuddling.

Me: You’re not cuddling, you’re pestering. Cuddling happens when I’m awake and feel like petting you. This is not cuddling.

Willie: Feed me.

Me: Listen, you’re a nice cat. I never thought I’d like a cat as much as I like you. You’ve really grown on me in the past couple of months. But seriously, it’s a quarter after five in the morning. Go away.

Willie: If you don’t feed me, I won’t pose for any more pictures.

291:365 Yawn!

Me: I don’t care, I’ve already got half a dozen pictures of you for sale on Getty Images. I don’t need more. What I need is sleep. Please?

Willie: I’m bored. I think I’ll chase this random bit of plastic around under your bed for a while. Don’t you love that skittering noise? Oh, and don’t bother getting up to take it away from me, because I have twenty more pieces just like it stashed all over the house.

Me: Speaking of stashed, could you please stop stealing the kids’ stuffed animals? You get them all slobbery and full of dog hair when you carry them around the house.

Willie: It’s not my fault your dog is a giant shedding hair ball.

Me: Willie, please? Go play with the boys, I’m sure they’d love to be woken up by your adorableness.

Willie: It’s more fun aggravating you.

Me: Clearly. So listen, since I’m up anyway, can we talk about the Christmas tree? I’ve survived three kids’ worth of toddler years and I’ve never yet had a Christmas tree come down. And yet, I’m thinking we may have a problem this year.

Willie: What kind of problem? Lucas is old enough to know not to touch the tree.

Me: Um, yeah. It’s not Lucas, it’s you I’m worried about.

Willie: Me?

Me: Yeah. Like how you like to knock things over? And how you chase shiny things? And steal stuff? And climb things? And chew through cardboard?

Willie: I’m not getting you.

Me: Willie, we are seriously afraid to put up the Christmas tree this year. You’re a menace without a giant tree full of breakables in the middle of the living room.

Willie: You keep your breakable ornaments on a shelf.

Me: Yeah, but I was hoping this would be the year I get to actually put them on the tree, yanno?

Willie: You’ve got three rambunctious boys and you think the cat is going to be the one who brings down the tree?

Me: Okay, you can have that one. But even as toddlers, the boys didn’t climb up on the shelves and purposefully knock things off of them — something you have been known to do.

Willie: See, it doesn’t really matter where you put them. So I can perch in the tree, right?

Me: Oy. I’m going back to sleep…

Willie: Good luck with that. Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna sit here and bat books off the shelf and onto the bed until you get up and feed me.

Me: *whimper*

Edited to add: Ha! From Vanessa’s comment below – yeah, this:

{ 8 comments }

The one with the gas leaks. Plural. As in, more than one.

by DaniGirl on October 27, 2011 · 16 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything,The ongoing saga of the house

I‘m at work, and calling Beloved to arrange for a ride home because I’m pretty much stranded. I’ve just dropped the car off for servicing and to have the winter tires installed and am still feeling crusty about the fact that apparently my dealership will drop you off in a courtesy shuttle but not pick you up. But, they don’t bother to mention this fact until you’re actually in the shuttle. Or at least, that’s how it played out for me. So I’m calling Beloved to see if he can rearrange his afternoon and pick me up downtown, drop me off at the dealer at the south end of Bank, then hustle on over to Manotick to pick up the boys from school. Not happy.

He mentions he’s feeling dizzy, and says Tristan complained of the same. “And you mentioned you’d been feeling dizzy last night,” he says. I kind of shrug, but my mind skims back another day and I think, “Hmmm, I turned on the furnace on Tuesday before bed. And yesterday I was feeling a bit dizzy. And today, they’re feeling dizzy.” I don’t much like all those coincidences, but I am still smarting from the embarrassment of having the fire department show up one fine morning almost a year ago to help us replace the batteries in our CO detector.

More to appease Beloved than out of any sense of urgency, I agree to call Enbridge. And I suggest that he turn off the furnace. It’s cool, but not freezing outside. Better safe than sorry, right? So I find the the Enbridge site and a toll free number. The first option in the voice mail tree asks me if this is an emergency or not. I’m about to confirm “not” when they mention something about carbon dioxide. I waffle for a second, then press the zero to be put into the emergency queue, cringing. The operator comes on and already I’m hedging, explaining that it’s not really an emergency but since I have you on the line, I have a question… and I try to schedule an appointment for maybe this afternoon, or maybe tomorrow?

The operator will have none of that. She needs to dispatch someone immediately if they take my call. Ugh. Beloved is half way to Gatineau by now on his way to a meeting, and I’m friggin’ stranded downtown. I tell her I’ll call back. And I immediately dial my sweet, wonderful, reliable parents. Of course they’re willing to help, and within 30 minutes my dad is at the house, waiting on the porch. When I call Enbridge back, they dispatch someone right away and tell me all the occupants of the house should see a doctor right away. I cringe again. I am almost positive this will be another false alarm. I am both relieved and mortified that my father will bear the brunt of this encounter.

Time passes. I wonder if Enbridge has a false alarm blacklist, and if they’ll stop taking my calls after this. I wonder if I’ll be charged for this second call within a year. I cringe some more. I call Beloved to let him in on my frenzy of organizing and dispatching, and he mentions he’s still feeling a little dizzy and I cringe some more. If he’s out in the fresh air and feeling off, clearly we’ve misread the situation.

Time passes. My dad finally calls. There were two gas leaks.

I close my eyes and lose track of what he is saying for a minute. Two? Gas? Leaks? At my house? Where my babies were sleeping? Where I had a fire in the fireplace the day before I turned on the furnace? What if I’d gotten around to having one yesterday? What if I’d used the oven or stove instead of calling for pizza yesterday? What if, what if, what if… and I realize I have to pay attention because what my dad is trying to tell me is Very Important Information, but all I can hear are the sounds of sirens that did not wail.

I’ve learned enough so far this morning that my brain has stopped accepting new information. In no particular order, I’ve learned:

  • it really is better safe than sorry.
  • always make sure you have a ride home booked BEFORE you leave your car at the dealership.
  • parents are a gift from God.
  • it’s possible to age 10 years in a three-minute conversation.
  • twenty-year-old furnaces are not to be relied upon.
  • parents are a gift from God. I know I mentioned that one already. It bears repeating.

I’m left to wonder why our CO detector didn’t go off. Clearly, we need to invest and upgrade here.

And finally, this is my message to you. If you’re ever worried about something like this, make the call. And if it’s a false alarm and happens the next day, make the call again.

I think I need to go sit under my desk for a while.

{ 16 comments }

Hello

by DaniGirl on August 28, 2011 · 7 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything

It’s quarter past six in the morning, and nobody else is awake yet, so I feel just a wee bit less guilty stealing onto the computer to say hello. I can’t believe it’s still dark out! Sigh. Summer is almost over.

Even though school doesn’t start for another week, the big boys are in circus camp (!) all next week and Lucas starts with a new caregiver, so it will be pretty close to our fall routine. And of course I’m still adjusting to the new and improved commute — soon to be in the dark, from the looks of things.

Can anyone tell me why I have a bazillion ideas for blog posts when I’m running around like my hair is on fire and can’t find two seconds to string together, and when the house is quiet and sleeping on a Sunday morning, I can’t recall a single darn one of them?

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and let you know that I’m thinking of my bloggy peeps, even if my crusty old brain can’t come up with a more compelling post than this.

Are you sad that summer is almost over, or are you twitchy for the back-to-school madness to begin?

{ 7 comments }

The garden that wasn’t to be

by DaniGirl on August 16, 2011 · 6 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything

In the dark, cold days of January, I wrote this ridiculously optimistic list of things that I couldn’t wait to do this summer, and at the top of that list was a garden. I’d imagined tilling up a meter or two of grass (we can certainly spare it) to put in a little kitchen garden. As winter melted into spring, I watched the light travel across the yard, carefully selecting the spot that would get the most sun exposure. By this time of year, I’d speculated back in the deep cold of January, we’d be heading out to the yard before dinner to pluck our own carrots, harvest juicy tomatoes, and slice fresh-from-the-vine cucumbers into our evening salad. My mouth still waters when I think about it.

The idea of the tilled square of garden fell by the wayside early in May when I realized that the vast majority of my spare spring hours were to be spent taming the rampant growth of the lawn. As the torrential spring rains gave way to a warm, dry summer, I adjusted my expectations accordingly. I’d clear space in the existing beds for some tomatoes and cukes, and maybe next year I’d have more time to cultivate the verdant kitchen garden of my dreams.

With expectations appropriately tempered, so far this year I have planted:

  • two cherry tomato plants
  • one beefsteak tomato plant
  • three cucumber plants
  • one green pepper plant
  • one jalapeno plant
  • two packages of sunflower seeds
  • one package of pink coneflower seeds
  • two potted pink coneflower plants
  • one potted black-eyed susan

As of today, we have harvested exactly one jalapeno pepper. There is one malformed yellowish cucumber the size of a pickle trying to turn itself into a doughnut shape. The sunflower seeds, including one seedling we sprouted in the house in a pot, never made it beyond two inches tall. The coneflower seeds were absorbed by mother earth never to be seen again. Not one but TWO potted coneflower plants turned black and shrivelled up for no reason I could see except that I completely forgot to water them. And I accidentally snapped the stalks of the poor black-eyed susans as I was planting them. I guess now they’re black-and-blue-eyed susans. And the tomato plants are still the exact same size they were when I planted them in May. They have neither died nor grown, but exist in a perpetually frozen flowering state.

I mean seriously, who can’t grow sunflowers and tomatoes? Now when I go to the garden centre, I can see the plants leaning back, scurrying into corners, trying to hide from my sight. “Please, lady, don’t choose us! We want to LIVE!” Hell, even the produce in the grocery store trembles on my approach, so far-reaching is my reputation for plant-based cruelty.

Did I mention I also failed to sustain the potted basil plant I bought in mid-summer when I discovered tomato-basil-bocconcini salad? We had two great salads within the first week, then the plant withered up and died — and I even remembered to water that one!

Clearly, my entire allotment of nurturing has been expended in the effort of sustaining three boys, two pets and a Beloved. It’s a good thing they’re almost old enough to be self-sustaining!

{ 6 comments }

To declaw or not to declaw?

by DaniGirl on July 28, 2011 · 15 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything

More than 20 years ago when I adopted my first cat from the humane society, getting her declawed was a no-brainer. Everyone I knew who owned a cat had it done. When Beloved arrived in my life in 1995 with his two cats, they too were already declawed (the cats, that is – not Beloved.)

Now that we’re about to take Willlie in for the big snip, we have to decide whether we’re going to get him declawed at the same time. I’m having a hard time convincing myself it’s the right thing to do this time around.

Willie for the blog 2

Maybe it’s because I’ve read too much about how declawing actually involves chopping off not just the claws but the whole first part of the toe? Maybe it’s because I was so vehemently opposed to circumcising the boys that I can’t justify any sort of non-essential removal of parts? Regardless, I’m feeling a little squeamish about the whole thing.

On the other side of the equation, just this morning I’ve watched Willie climb two different window screens and the clothes in Beloved’s closet. I’ve already paid to repair one patio door and upgrade it to a high-end pet-proof screen, and will have to do the other by the end of the summer. I haven’t yet noticed any damage on the furniture from him scratching, but I’ve caught him doing it many times. He’s going to be an indoor cat, so he will never really need those claws.

What do you think? Did you / would you declaw your cats? Why or why not?

{ 15 comments }

In which she remembers to thank the Universe

by DaniGirl on July 25, 2011 · 12 comments

in It IS all about me,Life, the Universe and Everything

It went something like this…

*ring ring*

Hello?

Hey Universe, it’s DaniGirl calling.

DaniGirl! Good to hear from you! I’ve been peeking in on you lately, I’m surprised you found the time to pick up the phone.

No kidding! Each time I think I reach a new high in busyness, and think that things can’t possibly get any more crazy, they do.

It’s nice to see that your photography business has taken off. That must feel pretty good.

It feel amazing! It’s been an incredibly busy but validating month with five family portrait shoots just in the last ten days. And the clients have seemed to really love the results – one family bought a print of every single proof in the gallery.

Great stuff, DaniGirl. No wonder you’re feeling so busy. And I hear you had a blast at Social Capital this weekend.

Oh my goodness, it was amazing! So many interesting people, so many great connections. I learned a lot, met a lot of amazing people, and really enjoyed having a captive audience for a while, even if I was a little scattered in my presentation.

Mouth getting a little ahead of your brain, eh? Yeah, that happens to me, too. It’s been a busy vacation for you this year, no wonder you’re feeling a little discombobulated.

Ha, and that’s hardly the tip of the iceberg. I seem to be caught up in a whirlwind of change right now. Did you see that we finally found a new daycare provider for Lucas?

I did see that. She seems like a warm, lovely lady.

I think so, too. I really like the fact that some of the older kids who come for after-school care have been with her for nine or ten years. That kind of endorsement speaks for itself. And she’s literally right around the corner. We start with her at the end of the summer, right around the time I hope to be starting my new job. Cuz, yanno, if you’re going to change one thing, you might as well change everything.

New job, right. I noticed you were working on that. What’s up with that?

Well, remember back in 2007, you were up to your usual antics. The very month that the Canada Revenue Agency created that special social media manager position especially for me, I found out I was pregnant with Lucas. I managed to work in the position for about six months before I went on maternity leave, but then when I left they hired a friend of mine to replace me.

Right, I think you cursed me out for quite a few months on the timing of that one.

Um, yeah. Of course I was delighted to be pregnant because we had been trying for months, but I was truly heartbroken to lose that job. And when I came back from maternity leave, even though I was disappointed, I could completely understand why they didn’t want to just bump the person who had been doing the job for a year. So I took a position in another part of the public affairs branch.

And then you started managing the Army Web site and all the social media channels there shortly after that, right?

Yeah, that’s when I joked I was quitting the CRA after 20 years to run off and join the Army.

Thanks for the history lesson, but what does that have to do with your current situation?

Well, the person who took over for me in 2007 is now moving on to other opportunities and she called me up to see if I’d be interested in coming back.

Don’t you love it when a plan comes together? Easy-peasy, right?

Ha, you’d think so, wouldn’t you? You’re such a joker, you know you pulled the rug out from under me again on this one.

Hey, you passed the hiring committee with flying colours. It’s not my fault you forgot to check to see whether your French levels were up to date.

Sigh, you’re right. It’s just painful that they were ready to issue a letter of offer, and now I have to pass my reading and writing exam before we can move ahead. I tell you, the last thing I expected to be doing on my summer vacation is spend an hour or two each day snuggled up with Schaum’s French Grammar and a stack of practice tests.

There’s a plan B though, right?

Actually, I’m calling it Plan E. There’s a chance they can move me to an English Essential position in another directorate and transfer me over. But I’d rather just pass the French test, because I’m not sure how solid that option is. Think you could help me out on that one, maybe make my rusty old brain a little more fluid for the next week or so?

Sorry DaniGirl, I’m just the omniscient overseer. I may be omnipotent, but it would be bad mojo if I rigged the outcome of your French test.

Okay, I suppose that’s fair. And besides, the reason I called wasn’t really about that anyway.

Oh really? Why did you call then?

Well, first to once again commend you for your sense of humour. You’ve got me going literally in circles again, back where I started four years ago if this works out.

It’s not like you haven’t enjoyed the intervening loop, though, right?

Fair enough. And that’s the other thing. I wanted to say thanks. My life may be so busy right now I’m breathless with the pace of it, but it’s all really quite good.

I’m glad you’re happy, DaniGirl.

I am, Universe. I know sometimes I call you up to bitch and complain when things are going poorly, so I thought it would be nice to drop you a line and let you know that aside from being a little dizzy at the pace of it all, I am really and truly happy right now. And I’m proud of myself, too. I think I’m on the right track right now, and I’m trying to acknowledge that out loud, if for nothing else than it will serve as a good reminder when I do something dumb to derail myself again!

Great idea, DaniGirl. It’s important to be grateful for the good things in our lives, the things that make us happy. Keep me posted on the job situation.

I will, Universe. Take care…

{ 12 comments }

Crazy times, I tell you. C-R-A-Z-Y!

13 July 2011 Life, the Universe and Everything

I have so many blog posts backed up in my head that I’m quite sure my brains are about to start leaking out my ears any minute now. My life is in one of those whirling dervish phases, and it’s all I can do to hang on – there’s just no room for blogging! Here’s [...]

4 comments Read the full article →

In which Buttercup becomes Willie. For now.

22 June 2011 Life, the Universe and Everything

Who knew naming a cat could be so difficult? Yeesh! At the shelter, his name was Nero. That was definitely not a keeper of a name, although Simon did call him that for the first 30 hours or so while we tried on other monikers. I was an early fan of Percy, and Henry, and [...]

7 comments Read the full article →

Ontario’s new online organ donor registry is live!

16 June 2011 Life, the Universe and Everything

In 2005, I wrote a post about organ donation, and I wrote one in 2006, and in 2007, too. (You’ll see why organ donation is dear to my heart later in this post.) Yesterday, I heard that Ontario has finally set up an online organ donation registry: beadonor.ca According to Ontario’s health minister, more than [...]

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Crazy garbage-picking wife

13 June 2011 Life, the Universe and Everything

That’s what Beloved called me last week when I returned from errands with yet another car-load of other people’s junk, rescued from the curbside. “I’m going to start calling you ‘crazy garbage-picking wife,’” he said, while helping me pull the old, probably antique desk out of the car and carry it down to Simon’s room. [...]

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