Despite my best efforts so far, the family stubbornly refuses to ban me from the kitchen. One would think that more than a decade of mediocre cooking would at least leave them looking for an alternative, but they seem to show a remarkable tolerance for unremarkable food.
A few weeks ago I played what I thought was my best card by setting the oven on fire. Alas, I fell short once again of my goal. My family, in fact, barely raised a collective eyebrow, and certainly made no move to banish me from the room at the domestic heart of the house.
Realizing the need for more drastic measures, I have once again attempted to set the oven on fire, this time by strategically dumping a pan full of bacon and grease into the bottom of the oven. I have nefariously gambled that the combination of safety hazard and waste of a pound of perfectly good bacon will be enough to force the family into action. If nothing else, I have ensured that a residue of bacon grease will remain embedded into the sides of the oven drawer and its collection of baking sheets and muffin tins well into the next decade.
How much more of this torture can they withstand before they are forced to take action and remove me from the kitchen for their own good – and mine?
Edited to add: And I clearly did an excellent and thorough job scouring all traces of bacon drippings from the stove.
I laughed out loud when I got to the photo.
Hm. Maybe try the self-clean next? On an oven full of flamables… might want to vacate the kitchen for that one. You won’t have to worry about getting banned from the kitchen if there’s no kitchen 🙂