(Potty) Mouths of Babes

by DaniGirl on April 2, 2007 · 28 comments

in Ah, me boys

I’m so good to you. I mean, I could fill an entire blog with the cute (and sometimes scandalous) things my kids are saying these days. Heck, if it’s good enough for a bad TV show with Bill Cosby, it’s good enough for you! But rather than draw out the torture, I’ve been saving up a few nuggets to share with you in one indulgent helping.

Some things they say are unintentionally hilarious, such as when the boys were playing with Woody and Buzz from Toy Story and Simon got a little too rough. Tristan said, “Hey, be careful with my big Woody!”

***

The boys have a new game, along the lines of Marco Polo. Tristan calls out in a pinched faux-British voice “Hello!” and either Simon or Beloved respond with “Moto!” and a bad imitation of the cell ring tone’s bad electro-funk dance music. It’s especially funny to see Simon do his Hello Moto dance with his elbows tucked tight to his side and his index fingers thrusting upward in time to the beat he is mangling.

***

Tristan has recently begun to chafe under the rules of the house. Whether he is being told to shut down the computer or to eat his dinner, the result is a theatrical eye roll and lament about how he can’t wait until he is a grownup and done with rules. (Hah!) The best one, though, was this past weekend as he was being subject to the injustice of having his toenails cut after a bath.

“Someday I’m going to be a grown-up,” he began in a philosophical tone, “I’m going to have a house, and be a daddy and have kids of my own.” While Beloved and I beamed, he continued, “And my kids will always be allowed to have long toenails.”

***

And then of course there are those moments when you know you have noone to blame but yourself.

Overheard while Simon and Tristan were wrangling over who knows what, Simon: “It’s my freakin’ turn!”

***

We were at the dinner table when Tristan was recounting his day. “And then I was in a time out while the other kids were playing, and it was for a really long time, and it was pissing me off!” His tone and inflection were perfect. He’s obviously got that phrase down to a science.

***

Simon is going through a particularly affectionate stage right now, which is a good self-preservationist counter-balance to the particularly stubborn phase he is also going through right now. The other day he came barrelling up to me and threw his arms around me in a pint-sized bear hug, then released me and patted me fondly on the stomach. “I love your big, fat belly, Mommy!” he told me with oblivious affection.


{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Miche April 2, 2007 at 2:29 pm

Awwww…. those are special moments to cherish and remember! Thanks for sharing!

2 Miche April 2, 2007 at 2:29 pm

Awwww…. those are special moments to cherish and remember! Thanks for sharing!

3 Trixie April 2, 2007 at 4:01 pm

Ha! And your nugget arrangement is artful, moving me from quiet nodding chuckles to a (choking on my fruit) guffaw. Reminded me of un-decorating the Christmas tree, which involved using the ottoman. Upon stepping down with the angel treetopper, Sam called out from the downstairs family room: “Mommy!? I heard an ELEPHANT!” Nice. As for the potty mouth, we’re still dumbfounded as to the origins of a new superhero persona he calls ASSBLASTER. Considered denying any acquaintance with our son on a recent and embarrassing McDonald’s excursion. He’s not ours, no.

4 Trixie April 2, 2007 at 4:01 pm

Ha! And your nugget arrangement is artful, moving me from quiet nodding chuckles to a (choking on my fruit) guffaw. Reminded me of un-decorating the Christmas tree, which involved using the ottoman. Upon stepping down with the angel treetopper, Sam called out from the downstairs family room: “Mommy!? I heard an ELEPHANT!” Nice. As for the potty mouth, we’re still dumbfounded as to the origins of a new superhero persona he calls ASSBLASTER. Considered denying any acquaintance with our son on a recent and embarrassing McDonald’s excursion. He’s not ours, no.

5 cinnamon gurl April 2, 2007 at 4:17 pm

Ooh, those are great! Thanks for sharing them.
I especially love the woody one, and the big fat belly one. That last one could be such an inroad to better body image, and more realistic ideas of beauty, if we could just let our kids get into adolescence believing that fat is not a bad word, that beauty is in difference, and yes, big fat bellies are perfect for our children’s hugs. Ok… I’ll get off my soapbox now.

6 cinnamon gurl April 2, 2007 at 4:17 pm

Ooh, those are great! Thanks for sharing them.
I especially love the woody one, and the big fat belly one. That last one could be such an inroad to better body image, and more realistic ideas of beauty, if we could just let our kids get into adolescence believing that fat is not a bad word, that beauty is in difference, and yes, big fat bellies are perfect for our children’s hugs. Ok… I’ll get off my soapbox now.

7 Sharon April 2, 2007 at 5:36 pm

Awww I can so comiserate with the Fat belly part. Nathan so totally loves that part of me is that if he sees he he has to touch and and say…
“It’s so giggly and soft Mommy, your so lucky to have one”
SIGH.
And of course mine will the be the kid in Kindergaten saying get the F Word…Any F word.

8 Sharon April 2, 2007 at 5:36 pm

Awww I can so comiserate with the Fat belly part. Nathan so totally loves that part of me is that if he sees he he has to touch and and say…
“It’s so giggly and soft Mommy, your so lucky to have one”
SIGH.
And of course mine will the be the kid in Kindergaten saying get the F Word…Any F word.

9 nancy April 2, 2007 at 6:26 pm

Sooo cute.
Trevor calls me an “old lady” these days….sigh.

10 nancy April 2, 2007 at 6:26 pm

Sooo cute.
Trevor calls me an “old lady” these days….sigh.

11 ali April 2, 2007 at 7:26 pm

yesterday we were on the airplane and my 6-yeaer-old screams out. “my dad just grabbed my mom’s boob. he loves them!” having children is super fun πŸ™‚

12 ali April 2, 2007 at 7:26 pm

yesterday we were on the airplane and my 6-yeaer-old screams out. “my dad just grabbed my mom’s boob. he loves them!” having children is super fun πŸ™‚

13 Valerie April 3, 2007 at 2:51 am

Cute. πŸ™‚ Sarah has used the freakin’ one, too. She also likes to tell me not to freak out when I’m getting upset with her.

14 Valerie April 3, 2007 at 2:51 am

Cute. πŸ™‚ Sarah has used the freakin’ one, too. She also likes to tell me not to freak out when I’m getting upset with her.

15 Sayre April 3, 2007 at 1:16 pm

My son has said those exact words about my belly – I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

16 Sayre April 3, 2007 at 1:16 pm

My son has said those exact words about my belly – I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

17 andrea from the fishbowl April 3, 2007 at 6:04 pm

My youngest once loudy announced that daddy’s penis is bigger than anyone’s. If she did this at home it would have been okay… ‘cept it was in the men’s changeroom after swimming. And she was with Daddy.

18 andrea from the fishbowl April 3, 2007 at 6:04 pm

My youngest once loudy announced that daddy’s penis is bigger than anyone’s. If she did this at home it would have been okay… ‘cept it was in the men’s changeroom after swimming. And she was with Daddy.

19 DaniGirl April 3, 2007 at 6:19 pm

Not that this was a contest or anything, but I think Andrea wins with that one! Ali had the crown for a day or so, but the image of the lovely blonde waif in the changeroom and your poor husband’s reaction tipped the scales.
*howling* with laughter over here!!

20 DaniGirl April 3, 2007 at 6:19 pm

Not that this was a contest or anything, but I think Andrea wins with that one! Ali had the crown for a day or so, but the image of the lovely blonde waif in the changeroom and your poor husband’s reaction tipped the scales.
*howling* with laughter over here!!

21 alison April 3, 2007 at 8:00 pm

I remember one morning, not that long ago when the girls were at the table eating breakfast, and I was making lunches at the kitchen counter. Rachel was fooling around at the table and knocked her plastic tumbler of milk over on its side. The milk started to flow across the table and over the edge onto her pants. I grabbed the dishcloth and as I ran into the room I said, “Jeez…” and Rachel finished the phrase for me by practically yelling “…Freaking Louise”.
And I swear she rolled her eyes when she said it. I cracked right up. I could barely wipe up the spill I was laughing so hard. I guess I say that a lot. I try really hard not to swear in front of the girls, so I say stuff like “jeez louise” and “for crying out loud” or “sugar”, but sometimes it’s just not emphatic enough, so I guess I’ve been adding “freaking” in there for effect. Good thing it wasn’t worse.

22 alison April 3, 2007 at 8:00 pm

I remember one morning, not that long ago when the girls were at the table eating breakfast, and I was making lunches at the kitchen counter. Rachel was fooling around at the table and knocked her plastic tumbler of milk over on its side. The milk started to flow across the table and over the edge onto her pants. I grabbed the dishcloth and as I ran into the room I said, “Jeez…” and Rachel finished the phrase for me by practically yelling “…Freaking Louise”.
And I swear she rolled her eyes when she said it. I cracked right up. I could barely wipe up the spill I was laughing so hard. I guess I say that a lot. I try really hard not to swear in front of the girls, so I say stuff like “jeez louise” and “for crying out loud” or “sugar”, but sometimes it’s just not emphatic enough, so I guess I’ve been adding “freaking” in there for effect. Good thing it wasn’t worse.

23 Jen April 4, 2007 at 2:12 am

Too cute!

24 Jen April 4, 2007 at 2:12 am

Too cute!

25 Heather April 6, 2007 at 5:08 am

My daughter told me this morning “you have a big butt Mommy.” I told her that wasn’t nice to say. She then insisted, “But it is really big Mommy.”
Ah well, she is right anyway.

26 Heather April 6, 2007 at 5:08 am

My daughter told me this morning “you have a big butt Mommy.” I told her that wasn’t nice to say. She then insisted, “But it is really big Mommy.”
Ah well, she is right anyway.

27 Martina October 9, 2007 at 11:40 am

Hi…..this is great…..

28 Martina October 9, 2007 at 11:40 am

Hi…..this is great…..

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