Did she just write an entire post about dog crap?

by DaniGirl on March 31, 2007 · 11 comments

in Life, the Universe and Everything

It’s that time again. The cold, clear, sunny weather just hovering at the freezing mark is the ideal time for it: the annual spring rite of picking up of the poop-dogs, as they are unaffectionately known around here. Nothing like spending a couple of hours on a Saturday morning prying frozen shit off the lawn to make one wax philosophical and contemplate the nature of life, the universe, and dog poop.

Why, for example, do month-old frozen dog turds have to be the exact same colour as six month old fallen maple leaves? Couldn’t they be a different colour? That would make my job a lot easier.

And since we’re on the whys – why don’t frozen poop-dogs stay on the shovel? Why do they roll off the end more than three-quarters of the time? And what the holy hell has that dog been eating that she poops her entire body weight at least twice each winter?

Apparently the dog is not the only creature using my back yard as a toilet. It took me about a half an hour and four pounds of poop dogs of wondering where the hell the dog was getting all those undigested raisins I was finding before I realized that they weren’t dog-excreted raisins after all. It seems we have rabbits, and from the copious quantities of scat, I’d say a whole warren’s worth.

My over-the-fence neighbour was out tackling the rabbit turd problem this morning as well. Where I was using a shovel, he came muttering out of his house carrying the shop vac. His wife had sent him out to make the lawn presentable for an Easter Egg hunt next weekend, and he wasn’t messing around. He spent the best part of an hour vacuuming the rabbit pellets out of the grass. He was not amused, but I certainly was.

This year, for the first time I found a paid dog-waste spring pick-up service in Ottawa. The estimated quote was in the $100 range for a one-time spring clean-up and cart-away, and my Dutch/Scottish ancestry kicked in and said there were far better things I could do with $100 than pay someone to haul off two months worth of dog crap. I cursed my skinflint ancestors for the full three hours, spread over two weekends, that it took me to do it myself. Next year, maybe I’ll treat myself. Would you pay someone to do it?

I have to admit, I’ve honed my technique considerably this year. I used to favour the plastic bag over garden glove pick-up, but this year I started using a shovel. It’s better for prying up the frozen bits, but the aforementioned problem of the shit rolling off the end of the shovel was tiresome. In the end, I used a second spade to do a sort of pinch-and-lift, and dumped the results into a 12″ plastic flower pot lined with a plastic grocery bag.

An entire post about poop-dogs. Aren’t you glad you dropped by?

Edited to add: I swear, the raisin theme this week was entirely coincidental.


{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

1 nancy April 1, 2007 at 12:03 am

Ours isn’t so bad since we played outside so much more this year, I took to cleaning up snowbound turds (much easier to find with the brown on white) BUT…we still have turds.
And no, I would not pay someone to pick up my dog’s shit. But I will pay someone to scrub my toilets.
Go figure.

2 Ingrid April 1, 2007 at 1:35 am

If you can find the right shaped shovel, it helps. We have used a kid’s sand shovel (and – NO – it did not go to the beach after that!)that was kind of tipped up at the end so the poop did not fall off.
And, as the kids got older, they had to do 10 mins each day – but yours are a little too young still.
I think after years of breaking my back, I probably would pay someone, but it would depend on the price. But this is our first year “sans chien” so it’s no longer a problem.

3 Jerri Ann April 1, 2007 at 4:56 am

OMG! I am howling! Dog poop stories. We live in the country and we’ve never had to “move” poop, so the thought of frozen poop is new to me.

4 Kim April 2, 2007 at 7:03 am

My problem is ishier– it suddenly warmed up to 81 one day here in Minnesota last week (while we were vacationing in San Diego where it was in the low 60s all week– but that’s another story!)
Anyway, the poop from the entire winter thawed out, and then it rained– over 2 inches of rain over two days. Now I have mooshy blobs of old poop everywhere. Yuck!
If I had an extra $100 sitting around (which I don’t after our vacation!) I would gladly pay to have someone come and pick up the mooshy poop for me.

5 Dal April 2, 2007 at 1:57 pm

A shop vac? Now there’s an idea! lol
Luckily Rob picks up the dog poo so it never crossed my mind to pay someone to do it. But if it was part of my chores, I think I would hire someone…I don’t do well with dog poo, not at all!
Dal

6 Trixie April 2, 2007 at 2:06 pm

Oh, yay, a chance to be smug! A rare Monday morning event. Happily, father & son walk the dog every morning and have a scoop-as-he-poops thing going on. My job is to feed the pup, and though the stuff looks nearly the same going in as coming out, I’m more than a little thrilled not to have to consider the relative merits of shop vac vs. spade and flower pot. Can’t help thinking, tho, what a good glutes exercise 4 lbs of poop-stooping must be. Not feeling so smug now… šŸ™‚

7 suze April 2, 2007 at 3:42 pm

My parents always made us go out in the yard to pick up the poop all winter long to avoid the nasty spring dog poop collection. We didn’t love the fact that everytime the dog had to go outside to do her business we had to bundle up, but we never did have to deal with what you’re discribing either…

8 Madeleine April 2, 2007 at 4:18 pm

I love the “what you can outsource these days” stories. I saw a flyer at a hardware store for a service that will come every year and clean your BBQ for you. Scrub the grates, check the gas line, you know. Add to the list with the Babyproofing service, the Puppyproofing service, and so on. But poop-dog pickup, that is fabulous.
I had a college friend from Alaska who said spring cleanup was a neighborhood event. When the snow started to melt, the poop-dogs would be elevated on little pedestals of snow and everyone would go out and pick them up before they melted.
I have no desire to own a dog. None.

9 Madeleine April 2, 2007 at 4:20 pm

I love the “what you can outsource these days” stories. I saw a flyer at a hardware store for a service that will come every year and clean your BBQ for you. Scrub the grates, check the gas line, you know. Add to the list with the Babyproofing service, the Puppyproofing service, and the Puppy Choosing service (Which breed is right for your family? We can help you decide.). But poop-dog pickup, that is fabulous.
I had a college friend from Alaska who said spring cleanup was a neighborhood event. When the snow started to melt, the poop-dogs would be elevated on little pedestals of snow and everyone would go out and pick them up before they melted.
I have no desire to own a dog. None.

10 Fryman April 3, 2007 at 10:04 pm

HOLY POOP DOG! She did write an entire post about..well, poop dogs.

11 Mr. Snodgrass April 9, 2007 at 6:55 am

You’ve certainly covered the subject well! During the winter, couldn’t you get a blowtorch and melt and cook the dog crap all at the same time? Then you could pick it up easily with a spoon or fork without problem.
My dogs do shit their weight at least two or three times a year. That has something to do with the fact that I feed ’em.
Guess what my next step is….my doggies will be losing weight…YAHOO. Less eating…less shit.

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