It’s over – a miscarriage

by DaniGirl on November 20, 2006 · 130 comments

in Loss

I went in for a routine OB appointment today. I was delighted when she told me to hop up on the table so we could ‘take a listen’ – I had completely forgotten I should now be far enough along to hear the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler.

Except she couldn’t find it, and so we went to the ultrasound rooms on the other side of the clinic. I was still cracking jokes and cheerful – I just figured the baby was being stubborn.

She took two pictures, left and came back with an ultrasound tech. There was no heartbeat. The baby measures 14 weeks, but I should have been 16 weeks tomorrow. The very kind tech told me she could find no abnormalities, no reason the baby didn’t survive. Just one of those things, I guess.

I have a d & c scheduled for Wednesday. I haven’t been through something like this, so it’s a little bit scary – but better than the alternative of waiting for nature to take its cruel course.

It’s over. Four pregnancies, three lost souls. I thought by writing this down, it would snap me out of this bad dream, but it seems this is really happening.


{ 100 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Fellow Canuck November 20, 2006 at 8:14 pm

Dear Dani, I am so terribly sorry and heartbroken for you. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

2 Fellow Canuck November 20, 2006 at 8:14 pm

Dear Dani, I am so terribly sorry and heartbroken for you. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

3 Sally November 20, 2006 at 8:20 pm

Oh I’m so sorry! I understand what you’re going through. This is almost exactly what happened to me my first pregnancy. The shock when I finally figured out what the tech was talking about hit me like a ton of bricks, especially after being so excited on the drive to the ultrasound appointment. Finding out at the end of the first trimester is so much harder than during the first few weeks because we’ve started to believe and really feel pregnant by that point (not to belittle anyone’s earlier losses of course). I really am sorry. I hope you aren’t alone right now. Driving home alone from that appointment was the most horrible 20 minutes of my life. If you need to chat with someone about what the D&C will be like, feel free to e-mail me. Mine was 5 days before Christmas 4 years ago, and I still miss that baby-who-could-have-been.

4 Sally November 20, 2006 at 8:20 pm

Oh I’m so sorry! I understand what you’re going through. This is almost exactly what happened to me my first pregnancy. The shock when I finally figured out what the tech was talking about hit me like a ton of bricks, especially after being so excited on the drive to the ultrasound appointment. Finding out at the end of the first trimester is so much harder than during the first few weeks because we’ve started to believe and really feel pregnant by that point (not to belittle anyone’s earlier losses of course). I really am sorry. I hope you aren’t alone right now. Driving home alone from that appointment was the most horrible 20 minutes of my life. If you need to chat with someone about what the D&C will be like, feel free to e-mail me. Mine was 5 days before Christmas 4 years ago, and I still miss that baby-who-could-have-been.

5 Valerie November 20, 2006 at 8:26 pm

OMG, Dani, I’m so sorry. My heart is aching for you. I can’t believe it’s true – I wish I could make it not so.

6 Valerie November 20, 2006 at 8:26 pm

OMG, Dani, I’m so sorry. My heart is aching for you. I can’t believe it’s true – I wish I could make it not so.

7 Miche November 20, 2006 at 8:37 pm

My poor, sweet Dani. What a terrible experience. Big *hugs* and warm wishes.

8 Miche November 20, 2006 at 8:37 pm

My poor, sweet Dani. What a terrible experience. Big *hugs* and warm wishes.

9 Myra November 20, 2006 at 8:43 pm

I am so sorry Dani. There are no words.

10 Myra November 20, 2006 at 8:43 pm

I am so sorry Dani. There are no words.

11 Genevieve November 20, 2006 at 8:44 pm

I’m so, so sorry, Dani.

12 Genevieve November 20, 2006 at 8:44 pm

I’m so, so sorry, Dani.

13 Anne November 20, 2006 at 8:48 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss.

14 Anne November 20, 2006 at 8:48 pm

I’m so sorry for your loss.

15 Sharon November 20, 2006 at 8:57 pm

OH Dani
Hugs and more hugs. Is there anything I can do for you? Please let me know.
i tried to email you but it keeping bouncing back.

16 Sharon November 20, 2006 at 8:57 pm

OH Dani
Hugs and more hugs. Is there anything I can do for you? Please let me know.
i tried to email you but it keeping bouncing back.

17 Julie November 20, 2006 at 9:00 pm

OMG … Dani, Hope you are doing okay. Thinking of you at this sad time.

18 Julie November 20, 2006 at 9:00 pm

OMG … Dani, Hope you are doing okay. Thinking of you at this sad time.

19 Phantom Scribbler November 20, 2006 at 9:24 pm

Oh, Dani. There’s just no good way to express my sorrow and my sympathy.
I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could send real hugs, and some magic elixir to ease the heartbreak.
Thinking of you, my friend.

20 Phantom Scribbler November 20, 2006 at 9:24 pm

Oh, Dani. There’s just no good way to express my sorrow and my sympathy.
I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could send real hugs, and some magic elixir to ease the heartbreak.
Thinking of you, my friend.

21 Phil November 20, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Very sorry to hear that. Give your kids a big hug!

22 Phil November 20, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Very sorry to hear that. Give your kids a big hug!

23 roxanne November 20, 2006 at 9:33 pm

So sorry to hear this news, Dani. Sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

24 roxanne November 20, 2006 at 9:33 pm

So sorry to hear this news, Dani. Sending lots of cyber hugs your way.

25 nancy November 20, 2006 at 9:36 pm

xoxo

26 nancy November 20, 2006 at 9:36 pm

xoxo

27 Kate November 20, 2006 at 9:38 pm

Oh, Dani, I am so sorry.
Hugs.

28 Kate November 20, 2006 at 9:38 pm

Oh, Dani, I am so sorry.
Hugs.

29 Chili November 20, 2006 at 9:42 pm

Dani,
I am so so sorry. No words of wisdom, just a hug for comfort.
Chili.

30 Chili November 20, 2006 at 9:42 pm

Dani,
I am so so sorry. No words of wisdom, just a hug for comfort.
Chili.

31 mamaloo, the doula November 20, 2006 at 9:53 pm

Well, that just friggen sucks!
I’m sorry to hear your bad news. If you need to process, feel free to do it on your blog – we can take it.
Or, if a virtual stranger can offer an email shoulder to process on, I can be reached at doula at hamilton birth revolution dot com.

32 mamaloo, the doula November 20, 2006 at 9:53 pm

Well, that just friggen sucks!
I’m sorry to hear your bad news. If you need to process, feel free to do it on your blog – we can take it.
Or, if a virtual stranger can offer an email shoulder to process on, I can be reached at doula at hamilton birth revolution dot com.

33 aml November 20, 2006 at 9:55 pm

I’m sitting here balling right now, and I know this is nothing compared to what you’re going through. All I can say is we’re all here for you, in whatever way we can be. This too shall pass.

34 aml November 20, 2006 at 9:55 pm

I’m sitting here balling right now, and I know this is nothing compared to what you’re going through. All I can say is we’re all here for you, in whatever way we can be. This too shall pass.

35 twinmomplusone November 20, 2006 at 10:36 pm

thinking of you my friend
xoxo

36 twinmomplusone November 20, 2006 at 10:36 pm

thinking of you my friend
xoxo

37 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 10:42 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.
Ann

38 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 10:42 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.
Ann

39 Jennifer November 20, 2006 at 10:52 pm

Dani, I’m so sorry!

40 Jennifer November 20, 2006 at 10:52 pm

Dani, I’m so sorry!

41 jo(e) November 20, 2006 at 10:57 pm

I’m crying.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.

42 jo(e) November 20, 2006 at 10:57 pm

I’m crying.
I am so sorry this is happening to you.

43 Chris (Mombie) November 20, 2006 at 11:10 pm

I’m so very sorry, Dani.
Take good care of yourself.

44 Chris (Mombie) November 20, 2006 at 11:10 pm

I’m so very sorry, Dani.
Take good care of yourself.

45 Miranda November 20, 2006 at 11:16 pm

Delurking to send you and your family hugs.

46 Miranda November 20, 2006 at 11:16 pm

Delurking to send you and your family hugs.

47 Fryman November 20, 2006 at 11:34 pm

D –
We’re all thinking of you. Anytime, anywhere…just let me know.
Fryman

48 Fryman November 20, 2006 at 11:34 pm

D –
We’re all thinking of you. Anytime, anywhere…just let me know.
Fryman

49 Ingrid November 20, 2006 at 11:43 pm

There was lots of crying at our house about this sad sad loss. Our biggest hugs to you and Beloved.

50 Ingrid November 20, 2006 at 11:43 pm

There was lots of crying at our house about this sad sad loss. Our biggest hugs to you and Beloved.

51 Daisy November 20, 2006 at 11:51 pm

Hugs and more hugs — I wish I could say more. So sorry to hear about this devastating loss.

52 Daisy November 20, 2006 at 11:51 pm

Hugs and more hugs — I wish I could say more. So sorry to hear about this devastating loss.

53 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 11:53 pm

I have no words. I am so sorry. We love you.

54 Anonymous November 20, 2006 at 11:53 pm

I have no words. I am so sorry. We love you.

55 alison November 21, 2006 at 1:02 am

I am so, so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

56 alison November 21, 2006 at 1:02 am

I am so, so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

57 BeachMama November 21, 2006 at 1:15 am

Thinking of you. Many Hugs. xoxo

58 BeachMama November 21, 2006 at 1:15 am

Thinking of you. Many Hugs. xoxo

59 Trix November 21, 2006 at 1:40 am

πŸ™ … rain in my head. So sorry.

60 Trix November 21, 2006 at 1:40 am

πŸ™ … rain in my head. So sorry.

61 Tanya November 21, 2006 at 1:46 am

oh no…no no no. i’m so very sorry. this really really sucks. πŸ™

62 Tanya November 21, 2006 at 1:46 am

oh no…no no no. i’m so very sorry. this really really sucks. πŸ™

63 BubandPie November 21, 2006 at 1:48 am

Oh, this is hard. That feeling of trying to un-true the news – it’s just so painful. When my best friend went through a miscarriage at 13 weeks I remember her saying, “I want my baby back” and I feel this way for you – I want your baby back, your lovely, wanted, loved baby. It’s just so wrong.
I hope that you can feel the empathy and support that’s out here for you now, and that you’re surrounded by the people that you love and feeling their support even more.
I am so sorry.

64 BubandPie November 21, 2006 at 1:48 am

Oh, this is hard. That feeling of trying to un-true the news – it’s just so painful. When my best friend went through a miscarriage at 13 weeks I remember her saying, “I want my baby back” and I feel this way for you – I want your baby back, your lovely, wanted, loved baby. It’s just so wrong.
I hope that you can feel the empathy and support that’s out here for you now, and that you’re surrounded by the people that you love and feeling their support even more.
I am so sorry.

65 suze November 21, 2006 at 1:50 am

Oh Dani. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Great big hugs.

66 suze November 21, 2006 at 1:50 am

Oh Dani. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Great big hugs.

67 kris November 21, 2006 at 1:53 am

Oh Dani, I’m so very sorry.

68 kris November 21, 2006 at 1:53 am

Oh Dani, I’m so very sorry.

69 APL November 21, 2006 at 1:59 am

I’m so sorry.

70 APL November 21, 2006 at 1:59 am

I’m so sorry.

71 Amanda November 21, 2006 at 2:49 am

Unfortunatley I can also relate to what you are going through, last year at this exact time and the exact stage of your pregnancy. There are so many of us here for you and I am so very sorry you have to go through this… again. Know that I am thinking of you and sending loving thoughts your way.

72 Amanda November 21, 2006 at 2:49 am

Unfortunatley I can also relate to what you are going through, last year at this exact time and the exact stage of your pregnancy. There are so many of us here for you and I am so very sorry you have to go through this… again. Know that I am thinking of you and sending loving thoughts your way.

73 cinnamon gurl November 21, 2006 at 3:00 am

Oh, Dani, I’m so sorry. Such a terrible loss… thinking of you.

74 cinnamon gurl November 21, 2006 at 3:00 am

Oh, Dani, I’m so sorry. Such a terrible loss… thinking of you.

75 liz November 21, 2006 at 3:10 am

I’m thinking of you. And I’m so, so sorry.

76 liz November 21, 2006 at 3:10 am

I’m thinking of you. And I’m so, so sorry.

77 scatteredmom November 21, 2006 at 3:51 am

Dani, I’m so sorry.
Please take good care of yourself.

78 scatteredmom November 21, 2006 at 3:51 am

Dani, I’m so sorry.
Please take good care of yourself.

79 James Bow November 21, 2006 at 4:18 am

I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ll send my prayers your way.

80 James Bow November 21, 2006 at 4:18 am

I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ll send my prayers your way.

81 Sara November 21, 2006 at 4:45 am

I’m so sorry Dani. This baby was such a hoped-for miracle, and to hear its over makes my heart ache for you.
I too had a similar experience. WIth my first pregnancy, and a few weeks earlier. I also chose a D&C to end the waiting. Not having to wait for nature’s course in a case like this is a small mercy, I think.
The anticipation of the D&C was much scarier than the reality for me, even though it didn’t make the whole situation stink any less. You can email if you have questions – remove the caps from my address.
Many (hugs) to you and you’ll be in my thoughts.

82 Sara November 21, 2006 at 4:45 am

I’m so sorry Dani. This baby was such a hoped-for miracle, and to hear its over makes my heart ache for you.
I too had a similar experience. WIth my first pregnancy, and a few weeks earlier. I also chose a D&C to end the waiting. Not having to wait for nature’s course in a case like this is a small mercy, I think.
The anticipation of the D&C was much scarier than the reality for me, even though it didn’t make the whole situation stink any less. You can email if you have questions – remove the caps from my address.
Many (hugs) to you and you’ll be in my thoughts.

83 Kim November 21, 2006 at 5:53 am

So very, very sorry Dani….
I cried because I feel I know you through your writing.
Be good to yourself during this time.
Kim
WhitePineLane

84 Kim November 21, 2006 at 5:53 am

So very, very sorry Dani….
I cried because I feel I know you through your writing.
Be good to yourself during this time.
Kim
WhitePineLane

85 catheroo November 21, 2006 at 6:43 am

I am terribly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

86 catheroo November 21, 2006 at 6:43 am

I am terribly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.

87 Ed November 21, 2006 at 7:12 am

So sorry for your loss Dani. I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better. Just know that all the people whose lives you’ve touched in some way in the past are praying for you, as evident by these postings.

88 Ed November 21, 2006 at 7:12 am

So sorry for your loss Dani. I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better. Just know that all the people whose lives you’ve touched in some way in the past are praying for you, as evident by these postings.

89 Rebecca November 21, 2006 at 10:00 am

Oh Dani, I’m so very, very sorry. {{{Hugs}}}
I’ve had a D&C. They’re manageable. I’m sending you LOTS of courage for that. I hope Beloved can go with you.
Lots of love, and hope for healing.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

90 Rebecca November 21, 2006 at 10:00 am

Oh Dani, I’m so very, very sorry. {{{Hugs}}}
I’ve had a D&C. They’re manageable. I’m sending you LOTS of courage for that. I hope Beloved can go with you.
Lots of love, and hope for healing.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

91 jennyandtim November 21, 2006 at 1:32 pm

Sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family during this painful time.

92 jennyandtim November 21, 2006 at 1:32 pm

Sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family during this painful time.

93 Andrea November 21, 2006 at 1:43 pm

Oh Dani, I”m so sorry.
(((Dani)))

94 Andrea November 21, 2006 at 1:43 pm

Oh Dani, I”m so sorry.
(((Dani)))

95 dean dad November 21, 2006 at 1:57 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

96 dean dad November 21, 2006 at 1:57 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

97 Rebecca November 21, 2006 at 2:16 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

98 Rebecca November 21, 2006 at 2:16 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

99 Marla November 21, 2006 at 2:59 pm

(tears)

100 Marla November 21, 2006 at 2:59 pm

(tears)

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