Milestones

Today, I’m officially 14 weeks pregnant.

(pause for cathartic sigh)

I’ve had my eye on this particular milestone since the day I found out I was pregnant. I had my miscarriage, way back in 2000, when I was 13 1/2 weeks pregnant, and every subsequent pregnancy, that 13 1/2 week mark has loomed heavily on my horizon. Completely without logic, I know, but there are some things that are so deeply entrenched in the psyche that they defy logic.

The first hurdle was just after the 9 week mark, where we lost Tristan’s twin. When the ultrasound a couple of weeks ago confirmed all was well, I felt the anxiety lift from my stomach to my chest. With this latest milestone passed, I think I can finally believe that I really am pregnant. (superstitious flinch)(touch wood)

I told Beloved on the weekend that I had passed the 13 1/2 week mark, and he was blissfully oblivious. “Does that mean you’re in the second trimester now?” he asked with a sweet lack of awareness. Later that night, I mentioned the same thing to my mom, in almost the same words, and she looked at me with obvious recognition and said, “I know. I’ve been patiently waiting for you to get to this point. I’m so happy for you.” Maybe it’s a girl thing.

In a little bit less morbid vein, I am completely perplexed by my body this pregnancy. According to more than one scale, I’ve gained about five pounds since Labour Day – which is great. I was 15 lbs heavier than I would have liked when I got pregnant, so I’ve been a little bit leery about weight gain.

But if I’ve only gained five pounds, where the hell did all this extra me come from? I’m already visibly showing, depending on what I’m wearing, and even my fat jeans had to be retired last weekend. I can see extra weight on my thighs and around my middle – where did it all come from? Did my bones get decidedly more brittle and less dense in the month of October?

Aside from a two-week holiday from the gym at the end of October, I’ve been working out fairly regularly and intend to do so for most if not all of the pregnancy. But man, it’s amazing how much extra effort you have to exert just to compensate for a lime-sized baby. I get that it will be harder for me to catch my breath and work at the same intensity when I’m really big, but it’s amazing how much harder the cardio part of my workout is even now.

Where am I going with all this? I have no idea. Did I mention my other significant pregnancy symptom is massive pregnancy brain? And that would be on top of my regular micro-sized attention span. What? Were you saying something? Where was I and what did you do with my peanut-butter bagel?

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