We may never get another pizza delivered after this…

It was my turn to bring the boys home from daycare last night. Unlike last week’s fiasco, where I towed them in the wagon the 3/4 of a kilometer home in -10C, only to realize I had forgotten my keys, and so promptly decided to drag the boy-filled wagon another kilometer or so to show up uninvited to my parents house for dinner, this time we made it home in plenty of time to leisurely dial up a pizza for dinner.

While we were waiting for dinner to arrive, I sorted through a few days’ accumulation of mail. One piece was a cardboard fold-out ad for those new Kandoo wipes from Pampers, complete with coupon, storyboard, and 20 or so stickers. The storyboard showed the importance of wiping, flushing and washing your hands, and the stickers, each about the size of a quarter, were supposed to be used to reward each of those tasks.

Since Tristan continues to excel in his potty achievements, and since we are several tonnes of non-compostable waste away from training Simon, we didn’t have much use for the stickers, so I let the boys play with them while I snoozed sorted through the rest of the mail. Before long, the stickers were all over Tristan, Simon, the dog, the end table, the couch, and me.

By happy coincidence, the stickers ran out just about the time that the doorbell rang to herald the arrival of the pizza. It was a new pizza dude, not our regular guy, and I have to admit, I was a little disconcerted by his rather obvious glances from my chest to my face and back again. It was so obvious that I almost said something, but in the end just stiffed him on his tip and closed the door.

It was only when I got into the kitchen and started cutting up a slice of pizza for Simon that something colourful on my shirt caught my eye. I looked down at my chest, and hoped desperately that the pizza dude has kids of his own. How else could I possibly explain that I was covered in stickers of this image?

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Author: DaniGirl

Canadian. storyteller, photographer, mom to 3. Professional dilettante.

52 thoughts on “We may never get another pizza delivered after this…”

  3. Dontcha love Kando? ROTFL Poor pizza guy… filled with images of a frog wiping his ass might have had him rethink his career of delivery.

  4. Dontcha love Kando? ROTFL Poor pizza guy… filled with images of a frog wiping his ass might have had him rethink his career of delivery.

  9. Hey!! we have those stickers all over the place here too! Poor pizza guy!!
    When I started university, my dad took a part-time job delivering pizzas for a friend who just opened a pizza joint and to get some extra cash (some nights his tips were phenomenal). Anyways, he accumulated quite an array of pizza delivery stories and recipients in various phases of dress and undress. Will have to share your tale with him!!

  10. Hey!! we have those stickers all over the place here too! Poor pizza guy!!
    When I started university, my dad took a part-time job delivering pizzas for a friend who just opened a pizza joint and to get some extra cash (some nights his tips were phenomenal). Anyways, he accumulated quite an array of pizza delivery stories and recipients in various phases of dress and undress. Will have to share your tale with him!!

  19. You have officially ascended to writer heaven. You used ‘leisurely’ correctly, which only about .00000001% of writers do. Well done! (Demigod status accrues to those who use ‘hopefully’ correctly.)
    What I’ve learned (through bitter experience with The Boy) is that too many Kandoo wipes at the same time can wreak havoc on plumbing. Might want to stock up on plungers while you still can…

  20. You have officially ascended to writer heaven. You used ‘leisurely’ correctly, which only about .00000001% of writers do. Well done! (Demigod status accrues to those who use ‘hopefully’ correctly.)
    What I’ve learned (through bitter experience with The Boy) is that too many Kandoo wipes at the same time can wreak havoc on plumbing. Might want to stock up on plungers while you still can…

  23. I’m surprised no one commented on the fact that you had/have a regular “pizza dude”. I don’t remember any of my delvery guys.

  24. I’m surprised no one commented on the fact that you had/have a regular “pizza dude”. I don’t remember any of my delvery guys.

  25. Dean Dad – I am laughing but perplexed. Could you provide an example of the incorrect way of using leisurely???
    Batman, we are so regular that when I place the order for one veggie pizza and one with pineapple, olives and pepperoni, the dude says, “Oh hello! What number are you at on (insert name of my street here) again?”
    I should probably be ashamed, but perversely I am not!
    The worst part is, I’ve got blog sitting here open on my monitor at work, and have gotten at least one strange look from the image front and centre. It haunts me still!

  26. Dean Dad – I am laughing but perplexed. Could you provide an example of the incorrect way of using leisurely???
    Batman, we are so regular that when I place the order for one veggie pizza and one with pineapple, olives and pepperoni, the dude says, “Oh hello! What number are you at on (insert name of my street here) again?”
    I should probably be ashamed, but perversely I am not!
    The worst part is, I’ve got blog sitting here open on my monitor at work, and have gotten at least one strange look from the image front and centre. It haunts me still!

  33. Hey I actually love that Potty Training Kit. Kids find those things motivating, stickers, charts, etc.
    As a mom I guess you get used to stickers everywhere anyways!

  34. Hey I actually love that Potty Training Kit. Kids find those things motivating, stickers, charts, etc.
    As a mom I guess you get used to stickers everywhere anyways!

  37. Sorry — the academic in me peeks out from time to time.
    “Leisurely” is properly an adverb. You used it as an adverb, so kudos! People usually use it as an adjective — ‘a leisurely stroll.’
    The same holds for ‘hopefully.’ ‘Hopefully’ is an adverb — I waited hopefully for the test results. Instead, people use it to mean “if all goes well” — hopefully, the test results will be good.
    I’ll go try to get a life now…

  38. Sorry — the academic in me peeks out from time to time.
    “Leisurely” is properly an adverb. You used it as an adverb, so kudos! People usually use it as an adjective — ‘a leisurely stroll.’
    The same holds for ‘hopefully.’ ‘Hopefully’ is an adverb — I waited hopefully for the test results. Instead, people use it to mean “if all goes well” — hopefully, the test results will be good.
    I’ll go try to get a life now…

  39. Okay, I am being even more pedantic than Dean Dad, but The OED says Dean Dad is wrong on the “leisurely”:
    leisurely, a.
    1. Of persons: Having leisure or unoccupied time; proceeding without haste.
    1613 PURCHAS Pilgrimage (1614) 515 With these and manifold other antiquities, Gillius can best acquaint the more leasurely Reader. 1816 COLERIDGE Lay Serm. 318 The men of leisurely minds. 1824-9 LANDOR Imag. Conv. Wks. 1846 II. 236 The leisurely and rich agriculturist, who goeth out a-field after dinner.
    2. Of actions or agents: Performed or operating at leisure or without haste; deliberate.
    1604 E. G[RIMSTONE] D’Acosta’s Hist. Indies VII. ii. 500 They spent fourescore yeares in this manner of leisurely travell, the which they might have done in a moneth. 1711 ADDISON Spect. No. 159 4 Upon a more leisurely Survey of it. 1746 BERKELEY Sec. Let. Tar-water §10 Wks. 1871 III. 475 The same medicine..is a leisurely alterative in chronical disorders. 1875 J. H. BENNET Winter Medit. IV. xix. 614 A leisurely journey across the south of France.
    His assessment of “Hopefully” is more on target–but I have to say that if it’s good enough for the NYT Book Review and the Guardian, it’s good enough for me:
    hopefully, adv.
    1. In a hopeful manner; with a feeling of hope; with ground for hope, promisingly.
    a1639 WOTTON Life Dk. Buckh. in Reliq. (1672) 237 He left all his female kindred..either matched with peers of the realm actually, or hopefully with earls’ sons and heirs. 1846 H. ROGERS Ess. (1860) I. 171 The limits within which the human understanding can hopefully speculate. Mod. He set to work hopefully.
    2. It is hoped (that); let us hope. (Cf. G. hoffentlich it is to be hoped.) orig. U.S. (Avoided by many writers.)
    1932 N.Y. Times Book Rev. 24 Jan. 11/4 He would create an expert commission..to consist of ex-Presidents and a selected list of ex-Governors, hopefully not including Pa and Ma Ferguson. 1965 T. L. BECKER Political Behavioralism & Mod. Jurisprudence p. v, Hopefully, this study, generated from the friction of highly polarized viewpoints, is the first of many steps directed towards satisfying a long-standing curiosity. 1965 New Yorker 27 Mar. 35/1 We asked her when she expected to move into her new apartment, and she answered, ‘Hopefully on Tuesday.’ 1966 in N. P. Vakar Word Count Spoken Russian p. viii, Professor Vakar’s study will prove of enormous value… It should and, hopefully, it will be followed by a similar analysis of..syntactic patterns. 1967 Lebende Sprachen XII. 5/1 Machines will hopefully enable the scientist to find quickly the information he needs. 1969 Language XLV. 667 Hopefully, Tucker will publish supplements to this chapter. 1970 Daily Tel. 12 Feb. 21 The cost of developing a new ‘Dash 50’ series of engines, that hopefully will power Lockheed’s ‘extended range’ jet, is put at around £75 million. 1970 Sci. Jrnl. May 27/2 By the time this issue..is on the bookstalls, Apollo 13 should have completed its own trip to the Moon, hopefully with as little incident as its two predecessors. 1971 Guardian 13 Apr. 9/5 Prototype wooden rocking horses… Hopefully they will be available in the autumn at prices from £120.
    Okay, it’s now evident to all that I’m the one who needs a life.
    Dani, I loved the tale of the pizza man. Man, those Kandoos are so expensive–my kid goes through them like a madman. I hate to discourage it, though, as I want him to develop good bathroom hygiene. But I cringe every time I have to replace the package in the dispenser.

  40. Okay, I am being even more pedantic than Dean Dad, but The OED says Dean Dad is wrong on the “leisurely”:
    leisurely, a.
    1. Of persons: Having leisure or unoccupied time; proceeding without haste.
    1613 PURCHAS Pilgrimage (1614) 515 With these and manifold other antiquities, Gillius can best acquaint the more leasurely Reader. 1816 COLERIDGE Lay Serm. 318 The men of leisurely minds. 1824-9 LANDOR Imag. Conv. Wks. 1846 II. 236 The leisurely and rich agriculturist, who goeth out a-field after dinner.
    2. Of actions or agents: Performed or operating at leisure or without haste; deliberate.
    1604 E. G[RIMSTONE] D’Acosta’s Hist. Indies VII. ii. 500 They spent fourescore yeares in this manner of leisurely travell, the which they might have done in a moneth. 1711 ADDISON Spect. No. 159 4 Upon a more leisurely Survey of it. 1746 BERKELEY Sec. Let. Tar-water §10 Wks. 1871 III. 475 The same medicine..is a leisurely alterative in chronical disorders. 1875 J. H. BENNET Winter Medit. IV. xix. 614 A leisurely journey across the south of France.
    His assessment of “Hopefully” is more on target–but I have to say that if it’s good enough for the NYT Book Review and the Guardian, it’s good enough for me:
    hopefully, adv.
    1. In a hopeful manner; with a feeling of hope; with ground for hope, promisingly.
    a1639 WOTTON Life Dk. Buckh. in Reliq. (1672) 237 He left all his female kindred..either matched with peers of the realm actually, or hopefully with earls’ sons and heirs. 1846 H. ROGERS Ess. (1860) I. 171 The limits within which the human understanding can hopefully speculate. Mod. He set to work hopefully.
    2. It is hoped (that); let us hope. (Cf. G. hoffentlich it is to be hoped.) orig. U.S. (Avoided by many writers.)
    1932 N.Y. Times Book Rev. 24 Jan. 11/4 He would create an expert commission..to consist of ex-Presidents and a selected list of ex-Governors, hopefully not including Pa and Ma Ferguson. 1965 T. L. BECKER Political Behavioralism & Mod. Jurisprudence p. v, Hopefully, this study, generated from the friction of highly polarized viewpoints, is the first of many steps directed towards satisfying a long-standing curiosity. 1965 New Yorker 27 Mar. 35/1 We asked her when she expected to move into her new apartment, and she answered, ‘Hopefully on Tuesday.’ 1966 in N. P. Vakar Word Count Spoken Russian p. viii, Professor Vakar’s study will prove of enormous value… It should and, hopefully, it will be followed by a similar analysis of..syntactic patterns. 1967 Lebende Sprachen XII. 5/1 Machines will hopefully enable the scientist to find quickly the information he needs. 1969 Language XLV. 667 Hopefully, Tucker will publish supplements to this chapter. 1970 Daily Tel. 12 Feb. 21 The cost of developing a new ‘Dash 50’ series of engines, that hopefully will power Lockheed’s ‘extended range’ jet, is put at around £75 million. 1970 Sci. Jrnl. May 27/2 By the time this issue..is on the bookstalls, Apollo 13 should have completed its own trip to the Moon, hopefully with as little incident as its two predecessors. 1971 Guardian 13 Apr. 9/5 Prototype wooden rocking horses… Hopefully they will be available in the autumn at prices from £120.
    Okay, it’s now evident to all that I’m the one who needs a life.
    Dani, I loved the tale of the pizza man. Man, those Kandoos are so expensive–my kid goes through them like a madman. I hate to discourage it, though, as I want him to develop good bathroom hygiene. But I cringe every time I have to replace the package in the dispenser.

  41. LOL!! What a wonderful story. I can only imagine what the guy had to say to his co-workers when he returned to the pizza place. 🙂

  42. LOL!! What a wonderful story. I can only imagine what the guy had to say to his co-workers when he returned to the pizza place. 🙂

  45. I am not sure whether I find the stickers or the debate over adverbs more interesting. Stickers story makes me snort coffee out of my nose … but wait, so does the debate. *Hopefully*, the debate on words will continue at a leisurely pace. Bet your are palpitating now, eh, Batman???

  46. I am not sure whether I find the stickers or the debate over adverbs more interesting. Stickers story makes me snort coffee out of my nose … but wait, so does the debate. *Hopefully*, the debate on words will continue at a leisurely pace. Bet your are palpitating now, eh, Batman???

  49. I missed a usage discussion! Phooey.
    I checked Merriam-Websters dictionary, and its first entry for “leisurely” tags it as an adverb; the second lists it as an adjective. American Heritage Dictionary lists the adjectival use first, the adverbial second.
    So it appears both are legitimate. And as for “hopefully,” it is most unfortunate that there are not two words to connote the two meanings for this word. I think that the proscription against “hopefully” as a sentence adverb will fade with time. In the most formal writing I avoid it, but colloquially I find no problem with it.
    Now who’s a big geek?

  50. I missed a usage discussion! Phooey.
    I checked Merriam-Websters dictionary, and its first entry for “leisurely” tags it as an adverb; the second lists it as an adjective. American Heritage Dictionary lists the adjectival use first, the adverbial second.
    So it appears both are legitimate. And as for “hopefully,” it is most unfortunate that there are not two words to connote the two meanings for this word. I think that the proscription against “hopefully” as a sentence adverb will fade with time. In the most formal writing I avoid it, but colloquially I find no problem with it.
    Now who’s a big geek?

  51. Oops! Didn’t mean to suggest that it wasn’t an adverb–only that the adj. form was okay, too. I wasn’t very clear–sorry about that. Yes, he’s def. correct about that.
    Here is OED entry. for adv. form:
    leisurely, adv.
    At leisure, without haste; with deliberate or leisurely motion or action.
    1486 Bk. St. Albans Bivb, Than softe and layserly fall oppon yowre kneys. 1526 Pilgr. Perf. (W. de W. 1531) 161b, That he synge or saye his duty distinctly and leyserly. 1598 Epulario Gj, Let it broile very wel and leisurely. 1670 MILTON Hist. Brit. Wks. 1738 II. 2 After the Flood, and the dispersing of Nations, as they journey’d leisurely from the East. 1796 H. GLASSE Cookery v. 53 Let it do leisurely, keep it basting. 1807 WORDSW. Misc. Sonn. I. xiv, A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by One after one. 1860 TYNDALL Glac. I. xvi. 105 In the afternoon we..proceeded leisurely with our two guides up the slope.

  52. Oops! Didn’t mean to suggest that it wasn’t an adverb–only that the adj. form was okay, too. I wasn’t very clear–sorry about that. Yes, he’s def. correct about that.
    Here is OED entry. for adv. form:
    leisurely, adv.
    At leisure, without haste; with deliberate or leisurely motion or action.
    1486 Bk. St. Albans Bivb, Than softe and layserly fall oppon yowre kneys. 1526 Pilgr. Perf. (W. de W. 1531) 161b, That he synge or saye his duty distinctly and leyserly. 1598 Epulario Gj, Let it broile very wel and leisurely. 1670 MILTON Hist. Brit. Wks. 1738 II. 2 After the Flood, and the dispersing of Nations, as they journey’d leisurely from the East. 1796 H. GLASSE Cookery v. 53 Let it do leisurely, keep it basting. 1807 WORDSW. Misc. Sonn. I. xiv, A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by One after one. 1860 TYNDALL Glac. I. xvi. 105 In the afternoon we..proceeded leisurely with our two guides up the slope.

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