There’s an old Dan Hill song (what, you don’t do early 70s Canadian folk rockers?) that has the lyric, “Freedom takes on new meaning / When you have a family of five.” With all due respect to Mr Hill, I’d like to posit that the following is also true: keeping the house clean takes on a whole new meaning when you have a family of five.
As you might remember, we got new laminate floors installed on the main floor at the beginning of December, and I’ve since spent a lot of time thinking about keeping the place clean. There’s no doubt that the house is now freer of dust, dog hair and crumbs than it was before, because instead of having these things migrate deep into the pile of the (horrendously ugly) sky-blue-washed-out-to-grey carpet, I’m now sweeping them up on a daily (sometimes twice-daily) basis. Was there really this much smutzch floating around before, or have I suddenly become hyper-vigilant to it as it dust-bunnies itself into every corner?
I’ve become alarmingly obsessive about cleaning the floors. (Not, for whatever it’s worth, much else in the house. So far.) With something like a missionary zeal, I sweep the main floor in search of every stray dog hair and crumbled bit of goldfish. Once upon a time, Procter and Gamble sent me an e-mail asking me to evangelize their Swiffer line in exchange for free product and I declined with a superior sense of derision. And today, I will tell you free of any commercial endorsement whatsoever that I am ridiculously infatuated with my newly acquired Swiffer vac. Seriously, why did you not tell me about this before? I have been freed from the tyranny of the dust pan, and any of you who have spent any time at all watching tufts of golden-retriever-German-shedder dog hair floating lazily over the back of the dust pan or dancing out of the bin on the faintest hint of breeze must IMMEDIATELY set out to acquire one. I also bought a new canister vac at the Boxing Day sales ($200 marked down to $139, with special pet hair attachment!) to replace the 10 year old Kenmore upright that was literally held together with duct tape, but it’s the zippy little Swiffer vac that really floats my boat. There is something supremely satisfying in seeing those stray dog hairs get sucked up instead of skittering away from the broom that moves me deeply.
In another life, I remember reading an article in some woman’s magazine about housekeeping shortcuts, and I knew that it was so not the kind of article for me because it suggested that you don’t have to move the sofa every single time you vacuum. I remember skimming past the rest of the article in search of the next one, with a puzzled little thought bubble over my head that said, “You’re supposed to move the sofa when you vacuum?”
Fast forward three kids and one laminate floor and here I am, moving the sofa about every third time I swifferize. By all things holy, I WILL conquer the dog hair and the crumbs, I swear it.
(There is a small, concerned voice in my head that is suggesting, in the carefully modulated voice you reserve for the craziest of people, that maybe I’m spending a little bit too much time thinking about the swiffer vac. You think?)
And since I’m rambling about cleaning, you know what else I do now that I once scoffed over in derision? I wash the kitchen floor by hand. It’s just easier that way. Next think you know, I’ll be ironing the bed sheets. It’s a slippery slope.
I wish I could declare with a smug sense of self-satisfaction that at least the floors are so clean you could eat off of them, but, well, the dog just shed another half pound of hair, I just noticed at least a tablespoon of coffee grounds that skittered out of the filter, the baby crushed a stray goldfish into powder and someone’s just tracked no-salt-ice-melter from the front hall way half way across the dining room.
And Sisyphus thought the rock was a bitch.
I too have hardwood floors (and a dog!!) and have also become obsessed with cleaning it. I didn’t know there was so much hair until the baby started to crawl around in it. And now I’m obsessed with vacuuming it up. I vacuum at least once a day all because of that dog!! Drives me INSANE!! Maybe I need to try this swiffer dealy you mention….I usually lug out the central-vac (yes, it’s true).
Best post EVER.
The never ending, boring but neccesary tasks when you have children. Think Tristan is old enough to use the swiffer. They do go through a stage where they love to help. If that is now, grab him while you can because it doesn’t last long.
Our hardwood gets so dirty too – it’s crazy. Dog hair, food, dust bunnies . . . it seems they appear out of nowhere. And just when you think you’ve cleaned every nook and cranny – another one pops up right in the middle of the floor.
I don’t have a Swiffer but I was really excited last year when I bought a hot steam mop – way more excited than I thought someone my age should be about a household item!! But I still use it on our floors and really love it. And while I don’t advocate it – we *do* eat off the floor some nights 🙂
I too have 3 kids and an eternally shedding golden retriever on hard surface floors. Here is what I have learned: In my house there is no food on the ground (dog eats it). This simplifies the post dinner clean-up. Think of dog fur as an accessory both for your clothing and your decor (adds texture to an otherwise flat room and visual interest in those corners you don’t know what to do with). It is probably time to vacuum when the crawling child looks more like the dog than her parents.
We have hardwood floors ( and have dog-sat for Dani) so I know how obvious the dog hair can be. What is even worse in our house is when you get up early, the sun shines into the living room/kitchen in a certain way the magnifies the dirt/hair/food/paper – forcing you to sweep at 7 in the morning. Of course a better solution is to wait until later in the morning to get out of bed – the crud us still on the floor – it’s just not so obvious.
Ah ha! I’ve always said that Sisyphus was wearing an appron and doing house chores! And that the rock was just a bad mataphore about it.
one kid, one dog and two cats in a tiny little Victory home. Sweap much?
i wash my hardwood by hand. the whole house is hardwood. i wish i had never tried this way of washing because now i now that NOTHING compares to getting on your hands and knees and scrubbing away.
my husband has all but canned couscous from the dinner table due to the mess it causes – i think we should just get a dog to clean it up!
I can so relate to this post as I have the same weakness for floor cleaning. So much so that our central vaccum rarely gets put away. I figure it’s easier to just leave it out in the hall so that I can pick it up whenever the need strikes. We have a Labrador so the need strikes often! Drives me bananas to see tufts of hair floating around like we are in some kind of dustbowl. Drives my husband bananas that I never put the vaccum away!
I’m sending my undies over for you to iron.
I’ve noticed that as my eyesight gets worse, strangely enough, my floors seem to remain cleaner and don’t need vacuuming so often. Who said getting older doesn’t have its advantages?
Hey, another convert to frequent floor cleaning. Although my product of choice is the Roomba