Wherein Beloved goes back to work and deserts me with a plethora of boys

Beloved is a teacher at a CEGEP, and enjoys each summer off from mid-May through mid-August. When I was pregnant, and in the early days after Lucas was born, I’d joke about Beloved and I both being home all summer. “If we survive three months with all five of us trapped in the house, we’ll survive anything!” I’d say, with an I’m-not-really-kidding kind of undertone in my voice. I mean, I love him dearly, but when you’re used to spending 40 hours of every week away from someone, to have them under your feet 24/7 can be a little, um, unsettling. And I’d had just enough time at home by the time his semester ended to develop my own domestic routines and peccadilloes.

Today marks the first day that he’s back at work, and I’m rather bereft without him. (In which “bereft” is defined as “What do you mean you’re leaving me alone all day with ALL these children? Oh no you i’nt!”) Aside from having an extra pair of hands around to hold the baby or keep the other two from bickering each other to death, I’m almost surprised to find I simply miss the pleasure of his company. Didn’t see that one coming!

Beloved is back at work today, and Tristan starts Grade One in two weeks. Within the first two weeks of September, Simon will be integrated into his Junior Kindergarten class, and summer will be officially over. While part of me looks forward to a quieter day and a more regimented routine, I’m mostly sad that our family summer vacation is pretty much over. We’re quite certain that Lucas is the last baby, so there will be no more year-long maternity leaves to enjoy; after this, the next time I get the whole summer off will be in sixteen years when I (choke) retire. I’m lucky to have oodles of vacation time to burn and options like leave with income averaging that I might use in future years to take big chunks of time off in the summer, but this is the last time I’ll be off the whole summer long. (I’d whine about what a crappy summer it’s been, with the endlessly incorrect forecast and no stretches longer than two or three days without rain of some sort, but at least being home means you can make hay – or go to the park – when the sun shines.)

I remember the summer of 2004, when I was home after Simon was born. I kept thinking, “I finally have the family I’ve always wanted, I’m off all summer long with my boys…why aren’t I happier?” Massive sleep deprivation will do that to you. Lucky for all of us, Lucas is a much better sleeper, and this has been the summer I dreamed of then. But where did it go? It can’t be over already, we just got started!

Ironically, today is just the kind of summer day I love best, but that has been sorely lacking this year: warm and clear, the air soft and heavy with the promise of a hot, sticky day. There will be other summers, even other great summers, but there will never be a summer quite like this one.

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