I’ve noticed that almost every transitional milestone that marks the end of babydom has been later for Simon than for Tristan. Last child syndrome? Tristan nursed until he was nine months; Simon was closer to 19 months. Tristan was out of his crib at 20 months; Simon was 34 months. Tristan gave up his bedtime soother at three years old. Simon? We’re well past his third birthday, and there’s no end in sight.
I know, I know, it’s time. We’ve been talking up the idea of giving up his soothers for months now, so he knows it’s coming. He even slept right through Sunday night without one – he forgot to ask and we forgot to give it to him. But when Monday night came, and we tried to convince him he was a big boy and he was ready to give it up and three year olds simply don’t use soothers anymore, he started to cry. I’m a sucker for tears. I’ve really got to work on that.
It wasn’t even all that traumatic with Tristan, the original suck-junkie. We told him one day that we were going to go to the toy store and use his soothers to “buy” something he truly wanted, a Gordon tank engine. Aside from a rough first night, and a heartbreaking moment when I found Tristan late the first afternoon trying to cram Gordon back in his box so Tristan could take him back to the store and get the soothers back, it went well.
I don’t think Simon’s going to fall for that trick. First of all, there’s nothing he covets as much as Tristan coveted that Gordon. But mostly, he’s just a different kind of kid. I swear to god, this mothering thing is so frustrating – just when you’ve figured out how something works, the next kid comes along with his own personality and peccadilloes and all your hard-learned lessons from the first time around don’t work anymore.
I’ve seen lots of ideas for giving up the binky, everything from cut off a bit every night until there’s nothing but a stub left (can you spell choking hazzard?) to painting it with hot sauce before giving it to the child (somehow I think Simon might like the idea of flavoured pacifiers even more than plain ones.)
I like the idea of using the soothers to ‘buy’ something because there is an element of self-determination in it. Even though he’s being strongly encouraged by us, in the end Simon is left with the idea that he relinquished the soothers for something else of his own accord. A trade was made, and he chose the new item over the soothers.
But the more I think about it, the more I’m tempted to just ‘lose’ the damn things. “Soothers? Oh, I don’t know where they are,” said in my best thespian styling. “Why don’t you just go to sleep now, and maybe we’ll find them tomorrow.” I’d feel bad deceiving him, but at least we wouldn’t be relying on him to make the choice.
We’ve got to get on this, though. It’s time, I know. But when his little face crumbles into tears at the mere thought of giving up his oral fixation, he takes my resolve with it. I’m mostly assured he won’t be packing it in his suitcase when he goes off to college, but with each passing week the possibility grows.
Got any “ditch the binky” stories to make me feel better?
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I used to drink from a bottle until quite old, like maybe 4 or 5? I remember it anyways. I also remember how heartbroken I was when it got lost at the cottage. My mom still swears to this day that it really and truly got lost. Whatever. They didn’t replace it did they? And it didn’t really take me long to remember.
I used to drink from a bottle until quite old, like maybe 4 or 5? I remember it anyways. I also remember how heartbroken I was when it got lost at the cottage. My mom still swears to this day that it really and truly got lost. Whatever. They didn’t replace it did they? And it didn’t really take me long to remember.
oops I mean to forget… paging Dr. Freud
oops I mean to forget… paging Dr. Freud
Would he fall for the Binky Fairy?
Would he fall for the Binky Fairy?
haha! we did the “soother fairy” … our daughter is CRAZY orally fixated. We let her have her soother until the summer before she started school. Even the dentist was ok with it b/c they said you don’t want her transitioning from soother to fingers (apparently finger/thumb sucking wreaks more havoc on the tooth formation). But, despite the tears and whatnot, I felt obliged that she MUST get rid of it before school started. So we did the soother fairy (“soosie needs to go back to its family and the soosie fairy will leave you a gift for being so nice …”). It was against all previous parenting philosophies b/c we totally bribed her! She ended up with a huge pony castle and did cry for about 3 nights. Those three night were hard. She literally grieved the loss like it was a sibling or something. Then, that was it.
haha! we did the “soother fairy” … our daughter is CRAZY orally fixated. We let her have her soother until the summer before she started school. Even the dentist was ok with it b/c they said you don’t want her transitioning from soother to fingers (apparently finger/thumb sucking wreaks more havoc on the tooth formation). But, despite the tears and whatnot, I felt obliged that she MUST get rid of it before school started. So we did the soother fairy (“soosie needs to go back to its family and the soosie fairy will leave you a gift for being so nice …”). It was against all previous parenting philosophies b/c we totally bribed her! She ended up with a huge pony castle and did cry for about 3 nights. Those three night were hard. She literally grieved the loss like it was a sibling or something. Then, that was it.
We didn’t have soothers, but one of the kids had a blankie and thumb. As soon as he saw the blanket, his thumb would go into his mouth. At age 5 the rule was that the blanket couldn’t leave his bed. At age 6 he “luckily” started growing these little wart-like things and had to have them cut off at the doctors office. The doctor told him that if he got some warts on his thumb and then sucked it, they would go in his mouth. This scared him so much that he instantly stopped, but we also had to hide the blanket to avoid the temptation.
Up to that medical crisis, I hadn’t ever agonized over how to stop the sucking. But I wouldn’t suggest any thing so dramatic to get Simon to stop.
I vote for “losing” it, and try to console him with something special – an extra long snuggle, an extra story, or something like that. Good luck – it’s a heart breaker!
We didn’t have soothers, but one of the kids had a blankie and thumb. As soon as he saw the blanket, his thumb would go into his mouth. At age 5 the rule was that the blanket couldn’t leave his bed. At age 6 he “luckily” started growing these little wart-like things and had to have them cut off at the doctors office. The doctor told him that if he got some warts on his thumb and then sucked it, they would go in his mouth. This scared him so much that he instantly stopped, but we also had to hide the blanket to avoid the temptation.
Up to that medical crisis, I hadn’t ever agonized over how to stop the sucking. But I wouldn’t suggest any thing so dramatic to get Simon to stop.
I vote for “losing” it, and try to console him with something special – an extra long snuggle, an extra story, or something like that. Good luck – it’s a heart breaker!
I am slightly embarassed to say that we just got our son to give up his bed time soother two weeks ago. He is 5.5 years old. It was hard for him but his front teeth had started to get loose and when he would wake up they were all crooked so I got him to look at his mouth and see that the soother was doing to his teeth. The first few days were bad, he cried like a crazed junky with wild eyes. But after two weeks he has given up asking and his two teeth have fallen and he feels like a big boy. I am definitely not saying wait till Simon is 5 and his teeth start falling out
. I guess it just has to be the right time for you, more than for your child. Cause when it comes down to it, you have to be strong and not give in when he is wild eyed and crazed begging you for it… It isn’t easy.
I am slightly embarassed to say that we just got our son to give up his bed time soother two weeks ago. He is 5.5 years old. It was hard for him but his front teeth had started to get loose and when he would wake up they were all crooked so I got him to look at his mouth and see that the soother was doing to his teeth. The first few days were bad, he cried like a crazed junky with wild eyes. But after two weeks he has given up asking and his two teeth have fallen and he feels like a big boy. I am definitely not saying wait till Simon is 5 and his teeth start falling out
. I guess it just has to be the right time for you, more than for your child. Cause when it comes down to it, you have to be strong and not give in when he is wild eyed and crazed begging you for it… It isn’t easy.
This is hard, Dani. I feel for you and Simon.
I had an experience similar to Ingrid’s. Well, not the warts, but the blankie. When we bribed Snuggly Girl to give up her pacifier around age 3, we thought she’d fall back on her other comfort item, the blankie with the shiny edges. But instead she rejected it, sobbing “I don’t want shiny blankie! Because when I have shiny blankie it makes me want [paci].” That lasted about a week, then she took her shiny blankie back, and it is still in her bed nearly 4 years later. Though not usually in her hands as she drifts off, which it always was when she was smaller.
Anyway, she is still a bit oral and I am trying to avoid having her pick up a thumb habit. We made it this far! Surely she won’t start now! But she likes to suck on a finger or the side of her hand when she is reading. And the other night she insisted on putting a finger in her mouth, or else in her nose. She explained that putting her finger in her nose was also soothing, if we wouldn’t let her put it in her mouth. So maybe she isn’t oral, just orifice-al. (Orificial?)
This is hard, Dani. I feel for you and Simon.
I had an experience similar to Ingrid’s. Well, not the warts, but the blankie. When we bribed Snuggly Girl to give up her pacifier around age 3, we thought she’d fall back on her other comfort item, the blankie with the shiny edges. But instead she rejected it, sobbing “I don’t want shiny blankie! Because when I have shiny blankie it makes me want [paci].” That lasted about a week, then she took her shiny blankie back, and it is still in her bed nearly 4 years later. Though not usually in her hands as she drifts off, which it always was when she was smaller.
Anyway, she is still a bit oral and I am trying to avoid having her pick up a thumb habit. We made it this far! Surely she won’t start now! But she likes to suck on a finger or the side of her hand when she is reading. And the other night she insisted on putting a finger in her mouth, or else in her nose. She explained that putting her finger in her nose was also soothing, if we wouldn’t let her put it in her mouth. So maybe she isn’t oral, just orifice-al. (Orificial?)
I have no idea, as all my parenting experience is of the hypothetical at the moment. I did suck my thumb until I was about 7 or so. My parents resorted to the liquid that you paint on the thumb (or nails – i think it’s used to try and break the biting nails habit too) that tastes absolutely disgusting. That seemed to work for me…
Although I think I was mighty resentful for a while. As I said when I was five (as dutifully recorded by my mom in my baby book): “my thumb and my teeth don’t like to be separated for long…”
I have no idea, as all my parenting experience is of the hypothetical at the moment. I did suck my thumb until I was about 7 or so. My parents resorted to the liquid that you paint on the thumb (or nails – i think it’s used to try and break the biting nails habit too) that tastes absolutely disgusting. That seemed to work for me…
Although I think I was mighty resentful for a while. As I said when I was five (as dutifully recorded by my mom in my baby book): “my thumb and my teeth don’t like to be separated for long…”
Sometimes they surprise you. John M. was addicted to his ‘binkie’ until a little after he turned 2. We just stopped giving it to him every day and hid all the ones in the house. He asked for it a couple of times and then never asked again. I have a friend who’s son did the exact same thing.
Sometimes they surprise you. John M. was addicted to his ‘binkie’ until a little after he turned 2. We just stopped giving it to him every day and hid all the ones in the house. He asked for it a couple of times and then never asked again. I have a friend who’s son did the exact same thing.
Oh my goodness, that part about Tristan putting the train back in the box so he could get his soother back!That would have melted me! Awww. Heartbreaking for sure.. I have not even put much consideration about when to end Christos’s bibila. (That’s Greek for soother/binky). He still drinks his milk out of a bottle and I am totally okay with that! He is growing up way too fast!
Oh my goodness, that part about Tristan putting the train back in the box so he could get his soother back!That would have melted me! Awww. Heartbreaking for sure.. I have not even put much consideration about when to end Christos’s bibila. (That’s Greek for soother/binky). He still drinks his milk out of a bottle and I am totally okay with that! He is growing up way too fast!
That’s for sure about the different personalities! I worked in the schools for 23 years and was amazed at how well defined the personalities of even the preschoolers were – just posted on that.
That’s for sure about the different personalities! I worked in the schools for 23 years and was amazed at how well defined the personalities of even the preschoolers were – just posted on that.
DH (a police officer) told Nicky that he’d met a baby while he was working whose home had burned down (true story) and now that baby didn’t have any paci’s. And, since Nicky was such a big boy and all (almost 3) and didn’t really NEED his paci, he thought he might like to give his paci’s to that poor baby who didn’t have any and NEEDED some since he was just a baby and not a big boy like Nicky.
Still has that, and he’s nearly 4.
We found him a gift bag, he packaged them up and put them in the cruiser himself for his daddy to take to the poor baby with no paci’s. He was so proud.
The first night was hard. It broke my heart to hear him say “I can’t sleep. There’s no paci in my mouth. I NEED the paci. PLEASE”. But after that it was smooth sailing.
Now, for the blankie
DH (a police officer) told Nicky that he’d met a baby while he was working whose home had burned down (true story) and now that baby didn’t have any paci’s. And, since Nicky was such a big boy and all (almost 3) and didn’t really NEED his paci, he thought he might like to give his paci’s to that poor baby who didn’t have any and NEEDED some since he was just a baby and not a big boy like Nicky.
Still has that, and he’s nearly 4.
We found him a gift bag, he packaged them up and put them in the cruiser himself for his daddy to take to the poor baby with no paci’s. He was so proud.
The first night was hard. It broke my heart to hear him say “I can’t sleep. There’s no paci in my mouth. I NEED the paci. PLEASE”. But after that it was smooth sailing.
Now, for the blankie
It’s too bad Easter’s over, because we told our second daugther that if she put her binkies in her Easter basket, the Easter bunny would bring her an extra special surprise (a tricycle.) That worked despite the fact she never rode the bike. I still don’t know why. That bike was cool!
It’s too bad Easter’s over, because we told our second daugther that if she put her binkies in her Easter basket, the Easter bunny would bring her an extra special surprise (a tricycle.) That worked despite the fact she never rode the bike. I still don’t know why. That bike was cool!
I love the idea of using the soother to buy something. I’ll definfitely hang on to that one for future (very far future) reference.
All I can say is be grateful it’s the soother and not the thumb, because my not having a soother and sucking my thumb netted me a lot of painful and ugly orthodontic work.
I love the idea of using the soother to buy something. I’ll definfitely hang on to that one for future (very far future) reference.
All I can say is be grateful it’s the soother and not the thumb, because my not having a soother and sucking my thumb netted me a lot of painful and ugly orthodontic work.
ah..you know i’m in the same boat…so i’m anxious to hear other peoples’ advice!!
ah..you know i’m in the same boat…so i’m anxious to hear other peoples’ advice!!
Good luck Dani.
I have no advice for soothers, but Leah’s 7 and *whispers* still sucks her thumb. I know I have to do something soon, but the last year and a half have been hard on the kids and I didn’t want to mess with how she soothed herself when she was upset or sad. I figured that orthodontics would be cheaper in the long run than therapy. I hope you can find a good way to ditch the binkie that doesn’t make Simon too sad for too long.
Good luck Dani.
I have no advice for soothers, but Leah’s 7 and *whispers* still sucks her thumb. I know I have to do something soon, but the last year and a half have been hard on the kids and I didn’t want to mess with how she soothed herself when she was upset or sad. I figured that orthodontics would be cheaper in the long run than therapy. I hope you can find a good way to ditch the binkie that doesn’t make Simon too sad for too long.
Ask Moxie is talking about soothers today, too! Quelle coincidence! (Pardon my French.)
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/04/qa_pacifiers_bo.html
Alison — you are right. The first ped dentist we saw had that as his motto: braces are cheaper than therapy.
Ask Moxie is talking about soothers today, too! Quelle coincidence! (Pardon my French.)
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/04/qa_pacifiers_bo.html
Alison — you are right. The first ped dentist we saw had that as his motto: braces are cheaper than therapy.
“braces are cheaper than therapy.”
I love it!
“braces are cheaper than therapy.”
I love it!
No advice here. I was lucky my kids really didn’t like theres.
GOod luck with whatever you do.
No advice here. I was lucky my kids really didn’t like theres.
GOod luck with whatever you do.
Friends of mine tried the tactic where you cut off a teeny tiny piece of the soother every night, until eventually the kid doesn’t enjoy sucking it anymore. Apparently it worked!
Lia sucks her tongue, so I don’t think we’ll ever be taking that away
Friends of mine tried the tactic where you cut off a teeny tiny piece of the soother every night, until eventually the kid doesn’t enjoy sucking it anymore. Apparently it worked!
Lia sucks her tongue, so I don’t think we’ll ever be taking that away