Back when I started blogging in January of 2005, a lot of my friends rolled their eyes. Half of them had no idea what the hell a blog was, and those that did (I’m looking at you, Ãœbergeek!) thought blogs were the domain of tech geeks and lovesick 14 year old diarists – not 30-something working mothers of preschoolers. Since then, a few more people have discovered blogging – like 30 or 40 million people – and blogging has become fairly mainstream.
In the same vein, try to keep an open mind when I told you that I am newly addicted to yet another social medium: Facebook.
*pauses to wait for gales of laughter and rolling of eyeballs and slapping of knees to subside*
Yes, I know. I know. There are multitudinous reasons that I should not be spending precious time and brain cells on Facebook. One of them is that I don’t have enough time for all the crap in my life as it is, without adding another time sink. Another is that I’m actually over the legal age of majority, unlike the vast majority of other people on Facebook. But, I’m hooked.
So what is Facebook? Well, I’m still a bit of a newbie, and I only this week realized I could do stuff like import my own blog feed to show up in my profile. But you have a profile, just like any other social media site, and you can sign yourself up for various networks like where you live, where you went to school and where you work. (Beloved is a college teacher, and at the beginning of the year, they had a community police officer speaking at a staff meeting who opined that Facebook is the single most dangerous tool young people are using, because of the huge amount of personal information they share and how naive they are about posting their full names, addresses, mobile numbers and whatnot. Ottawa tech blogger EngTech had a great article about modifying your privacy settings to protect yourself, if you’re interested.)
The addictive part, aside from the networks, is of course the interactivity. You can chat, or send messages to your friends. There are also ‘groups’ that you can join, which are basically bulletin boards with photo sharing capability. That’s the quick and dirty – I’m quite convinced there’s far more to it than I am aware, but that’s what I’ve figured out by playing around with it.
It took a while. I signed up for an account maybe six weeks ago out of sheer curiousity. I figured if I’m going to speak with any authority about this social media stuff, I ought to take a peek and see what it’s all about. So I signed up, created a bare-bones profile, and took a little tour. I checked my high school graduating class (Catholic Central Secondary in London, class of 1988) and not a single person was registered. I typed in the names of a few friends, old and new. Nothing. And I shrugged and said, whatever, and went back to catching up on bloglines.
Maybe a week or so later, I commented on one of Suze’s blog posts about Facebook, and she ‘friended’ me, and then so did a couple of other people. Pretty soon I had a dozen or so friends, most of them from the blogosphere but a few from work, too. Then a really old friend, one from grade school and high school and one of the last people I would ever expect to see online (Fryman – it was Gary! Remember Gary??) friended me just before Easter.
Right about that time, I discovered the weirdly addictive and voyeuristic habit of surfing my friends’ friend lists. I think that was the tipping point for me, where I started to actively check Facebook as part of my regular ‘check-comments-check-email-check-bloglines’ online routine. I’m still not wholly into it – yet. I signed up for a couple of groups, one for the KRZR bloggers, one for GTA bloggers and the people who read them, and one amusingly called “People who are too old for Facebook.” (And I’m even older than most of them! Yikes.)
Speaking of age, I don’t know whether it’s a coincidence of timing or something that just turned on in the collective DNA of my generation like the homing instinct of salmon, but it seems like my peers are suddenly flooding on to Facebook in massive numbers in the past month or so. My highschool graduating class suddenly has more than a dozen members (only one of which I’d be remotely interested in hearing from and most of whom I had never heard of.) My real-life and online friends are coalescing into cyber-existence at the rate of a new friend every day or two. This mad herding of the 30-something crowd, of course, is a sure sign that Facebook is no longer cool.
It’s not the cool factor that’s got me hooked, though. On the weekend, I discovered a new pastime, one that addicted me firmly and fully to Facebook: surfing the ‘friend list’ of minor celebrities. I’m not talking about A-listers here, not even B-listers. But I was fascinated by the friend list of David Akin, a political journalist who has ‘friended’ major Canadian politicians (Stephen Harper and Stephan Dion among them), celebrities like Rick Mercer, and writers like Paul Wells. (Props to Colin at Canuckflack.com, who got me stalking looking at David Akin’s profile in the first place.) And discovering them, I felt myself compelled to surf their friend lists, to see who else was cool and accessible. I’ve tried looking up a few favourite authors, for example, thinking maybe I’d be brave and send a note to say hello, but so far I haven’t found any of the ones I’ve tried.
Aside from the voyeuristic aspect of Facebook, which somehow seems even more personal than blogging, not to mention the ethics of stalking people I don’t actually know, there are social minefields to be navigated – especially for someone who considers a cocktail party unimaginably complex and fraught with potential peril. There is the issue, which has just happened to me, of what happens when someone you clearly don’t know tries to ‘friend’ you. I don’t want to be rude, especially since it’s entirely possible that I do somehow know this person perhaps somewhere in the distant recesses of my foggy memory (one more argument against the over-30 crowd being on Facebook – our social histories are just so much longer and more complex than the teenagers who can clearly remember the first grade when I can’t really dredge up clear memories of my early 20s.) At the same time, much like I struggle when asked to add a blog I don’t like to my blogroll, I don’t want to simply add friends willy-nilly. Call me old-fashioned, but stating someone is my friend means something to me.
Thank goodness I haven’t yet had to deal with the extreme awkwardness of having somebody I know but truly dislike trying to friend me. No, I’m not talking about you. But it is kind of ironic that even though I click every day to see who has signed up from my graduating class, with the exception of maybe half a dozen people, there is nobody from high school that I have the remotest earthly desire to hear from. Except maybe to puff up my chest and say ‘screw you, look how good my life turned out. Doesn’t it suck to be you in comparison?”
And I wonder why more people haven’t friended me.
So what do you think? Have you been on Facebook? Why or why not? Do you think Facebook is the new e-mail, and our grandparents will be doing it before long?
And, erm, if you’re on Facebook, feel free to look me up. If you can’t find me, send me an e-mail and I’ll tell you the secret clubhouse handshake to get in the door.
(Edited to add: one more reason to love Facebook – tonnes of Canadian content. From Kris Abel’s CTV blog today: “A recent explosion of new users has placed Toronto (Canada’s largest population centre) as the biggest group of users in the world (almost half a million), offering more members than both New York and Los Angeles combined.” I had no idea! I thought it was just a coincidence of geography that so many of the people I was stumbling upon were Canadian.)
Great post. Better than my one line post a few weeks ago: “OMG – I’m hooked on facebook.” Anyway, it is addictive. I never wanted to join, and I too would roll my eyes when other friends talked about it, but I took the plunge, and here I am. On facebook. And I love it! I am very careful, though. I was apprehensive about posting pictures of my son there, so I made sure to set my privacy settings so that only my friends can see my pictures. I have had to reject a lot of people – people I hardly remember from high school, or people I went to college with that I just don’t want to have in my life anymore, or old co-workers… I feel bad about pressing ‘reject’ but I had no other choice. We did a trial run once, and I deleted a friend to see what type of notifcation she would get – and nothing. Same thing if you reject someone – they will never know you rejected them, they will just think you never added them because you haven’t seen their ‘friend’ request. I feel bad about rejecting some people, mostly harmless people, but seriously – sometimes it has to be done. so in a nutshell, I’m addicted, and I’m glad I’m not the only mom out there who is! Lots of my friends on facebook are my age and have children, etc. It is super fun looking at other people’s friends and looking at friends pictures, too, isn’t it? It is fun seeing what old friends are doing, and just to have this place to go to be social.
Great post. Better than my one line post a few weeks ago: “OMG – I’m hooked on facebook.” Anyway, it is addictive. I never wanted to join, and I too would roll my eyes when other friends talked about it, but I took the plunge, and here I am. On facebook. And I love it! I am very careful, though. I was apprehensive about posting pictures of my son there, so I made sure to set my privacy settings so that only my friends can see my pictures. I have had to reject a lot of people – people I hardly remember from high school, or people I went to college with that I just don’t want to have in my life anymore, or old co-workers… I feel bad about pressing ‘reject’ but I had no other choice. We did a trial run once, and I deleted a friend to see what type of notifcation she would get – and nothing. Same thing if you reject someone – they will never know you rejected them, they will just think you never added them because you haven’t seen their ‘friend’ request. I feel bad about rejecting some people, mostly harmless people, but seriously – sometimes it has to be done. so in a nutshell, I’m addicted, and I’m glad I’m not the only mom out there who is! Lots of my friends on facebook are my age and have children, etc. It is super fun looking at other people’s friends and looking at friends pictures, too, isn’t it? It is fun seeing what old friends are doing, and just to have this place to go to be social.
Coming out of lurkdom to say No, I don’t have a Facebook account. But I do have a MySpace. It’s just as addictive and, at my age, slightly embarrassing. But I do the same thing–go to my friends and surf their friends lists. 🙂 I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Coming out of lurkdom to say No, I don’t have a Facebook account. But I do have a MySpace. It’s just as addictive and, at my age, slightly embarrassing. But I do the same thing–go to my friends and surf their friends lists. 🙂 I totally understand where you’re coming from.
I avoid it like the plague- but mainly because our annoying little undergrads appear to have an IV drip of Facebook.
Someone in lab did tell a funny story about how her friend posted *on Facebook* that she was going to cheat on her boyfriend while he was away. What was she thinking???
I avoid it like the plague- but mainly because our annoying little undergrads appear to have an IV drip of Facebook.
Someone in lab did tell a funny story about how her friend posted *on Facebook* that she was going to cheat on her boyfriend while he was away. What was she thinking???
You…you…you used the word “friend” as a verb. Not even befriend…but friend. And…and…then you used the word…”friended”. Just like it was nothing.
Do I KNOW you?
You…you…you used the word “friend” as a verb. Not even befriend…but friend. And…and…then you used the word…”friended”. Just like it was nothing.
Do I KNOW you?
I have a facebook account. My “friends” are all my kids, my nieces and nephews, and my extras — all in high school or college. I surf through sometimes just to see what they are all doing.
The reason I opened the account is because sometimes a former student will email me, and I won’t quite remember him — and this way, I can look him up on facebook and get a photo to jog my memory.
I have a facebook account. My “friends” are all my kids, my nieces and nephews, and my extras — all in high school or college. I surf through sometimes just to see what they are all doing.
The reason I opened the account is because sometimes a former student will email me, and I won’t quite remember him — and this way, I can look him up on facebook and get a photo to jog my memory.
I can’t possibly fit another userid and password into my tiny little brain! (Nor could I shoehorn any more time sucking hobbies into my day!)
Keep me out of there! (And if you see me with an account, feel free to swing by and slap me across the back of the head.)
I can’t possibly fit another userid and password into my tiny little brain! (Nor could I shoehorn any more time sucking hobbies into my day!)
Keep me out of there! (And if you see me with an account, feel free to swing by and slap me across the back of the head.)
Yup facebook can be addivitive and I don’t have an account. (but My daughter does) and we don’t use her full name because that would be creepy.
She opened it to see other firends pictures of their trip. It’s a great way to keep up with other friend she has doesn’t got to school with.
I thought at first we could both use it but NOPE she has taken over with her friends.
Yup facebook can be addivitive and I don’t have an account. (but My daughter does) and we don’t use her full name because that would be creepy.
She opened it to see other firends pictures of their trip. It’s a great way to keep up with other friend she has doesn’t got to school with.
I thought at first we could both use it but NOPE she has taken over with her friends.
But Marla – I clearly put little quotation marks around the first couple of references – doesn’t acknowledging my dark slide into the netherworld at least give me some credit??
jo(e), you made me think of another minefield I discovered – is it trés uncool to ‘friend’ (sorry Marla!) my teenage neices and nephews and the children of my friends as I stumble upon them? Would they be duly horrified to be friended by someone ancient enough to be of their parent’s doddering generation?
But Marla – I clearly put little quotation marks around the first couple of references – doesn’t acknowledging my dark slide into the netherworld at least give me some credit??
jo(e), you made me think of another minefield I discovered – is it trés uncool to ‘friend’ (sorry Marla!) my teenage neices and nephews and the children of my friends as I stumble upon them? Would they be duly horrified to be friended by someone ancient enough to be of their parent’s doddering generation?
I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be a teenager these days with your friend status constantly being made available online to all comers!
I’m still holding off on Facebook – but hubby has discovered it and is gleefully uploading photos and friending people left and right. This is the man who has never allowed me to post his photo on my blog (except for two occasions when his face was hidden). What gives?
I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be a teenager these days with your friend status constantly being made available online to all comers!
I’m still holding off on Facebook – but hubby has discovered it and is gleefully uploading photos and friending people left and right. This is the man who has never allowed me to post his photo on my blog (except for two occasions when his face was hidden). What gives?
I just joined facebook this weekend. I don’t know why really except to see what high school folks are up now? In fact, I found quite a few people from high school who I was actually friends with. But I had no idea what i was getting into and they started writing on the wall and now I’m just confused.
I joined with my maiden name because I don’t really want people from high school reading my blog and I haven’t exactly been anonymous on it.
I have to say i was disappointed I couldn’t see people’s profiles without ‘friending’ them (technology raises so many grammatical problems!)… I guess I mostly wanted to spy on people?
I just joined facebook this weekend. I don’t know why really except to see what high school folks are up now? In fact, I found quite a few people from high school who I was actually friends with. But I had no idea what i was getting into and they started writing on the wall and now I’m just confused.
I joined with my maiden name because I don’t really want people from high school reading my blog and I haven’t exactly been anonymous on it.
I have to say i was disappointed I couldn’t see people’s profiles without ‘friending’ them (technology raises so many grammatical problems!)… I guess I mostly wanted to spy on people?
Funny, I posted about this a while ago, as my Sister’s were all into the Facebook thing. And I vowed not to do it. That was until I found out my eldest Sister was posting from her vacation in Hawaii! And the youngest was updating from Nashville! I hate being left out so if they weren’t going to email me I had to join the ‘book’ to see what they were up to. I don’t intend to have too many ‘friends’ though. I intend to keep it in the family :).
Funny, I posted about this a while ago, as my Sister’s were all into the Facebook thing. And I vowed not to do it. That was until I found out my eldest Sister was posting from her vacation in Hawaii! And the youngest was updating from Nashville! I hate being left out so if they weren’t going to email me I had to join the ‘book’ to see what they were up to. I don’t intend to have too many ‘friends’ though. I intend to keep it in the family :).
Ugh, you’d think with a post this long, I’d have been able to touch on all the salient points I wanted to make. Yes, B&P, that’s another thing I was thinking about – what it would have been like to be the already insecure 15 year old that I was, and how obsessed I would be with collecting “friends” – and not just any friends, but friends that might impress other friends. No thanks!
Sin, yes, I was disappointed too when I realized I couldn’t really lurk and see much about a person without friending (sorry Marla!) them. But you can check out their friends, which is almost as satisfying.
Ugh, you’d think with a post this long, I’d have been able to touch on all the salient points I wanted to make. Yes, B&P, that’s another thing I was thinking about – what it would have been like to be the already insecure 15 year old that I was, and how obsessed I would be with collecting “friends” – and not just any friends, but friends that might impress other friends. No thanks!
Sin, yes, I was disappointed too when I realized I couldn’t really lurk and see much about a person without friending (sorry Marla!) them. But you can check out their friends, which is almost as satisfying.
Hmmm . . . I always thought of it as a college-age thing, but I guess I was mistaken. I’ll have to stay away. I have too much to keep up with now!
Hmmm . . . I always thought of it as a college-age thing, but I guess I was mistaken. I’ll have to stay away. I have too much to keep up with now!
I got pulled into Facebook a little while back and I had no idea what it was. Now I’m also in the group “People too old for Facebook” and yes, I figure I’m old enough to be 99.9% of the Facebook population’s mother! If I’m not mistaken, I believe we “older” folk are starting to take over the darn thing!
I’ll see you there!
I got pulled into Facebook a little while back and I had no idea what it was. Now I’m also in the group “People too old for Facebook” and yes, I figure I’m old enough to be 99.9% of the Facebook population’s mother! If I’m not mistaken, I believe we “older” folk are starting to take over the darn thing!
I’ll see you there!
Fellow Facebook addict here. Over Easter we had 4 adults all fighting over one computer to check in on Facebook.
Fellow Facebook addict here. Over Easter we had 4 adults all fighting over one computer to check in on Facebook.
Oy. I had no idea it was such a phenomenon until I joined this weekend… and realized that pretty much everyone I found to ‘friend’ had just joined in the last week or 2 themselves!! Crazy!
It’s interesting, and totally addictive (my first boyfriend from high school ‘friended’ me tonight – sorry, Marla!) but I’m more than a little concerned about the privacy aspect and the ease with which people can stalk you. For example, did you know that if you have 2 people in your friends, and they post on each other’s “wall”… you can read that whole conversation even though it doesn’t have anything to do with you?! Creepy! and stalker-ish! When I discovered that, I vowed to only message people, no more writing on walls!!
Oy. I had no idea it was such a phenomenon until I joined this weekend… and realized that pretty much everyone I found to ‘friend’ had just joined in the last week or 2 themselves!! Crazy!
It’s interesting, and totally addictive (my first boyfriend from high school ‘friended’ me tonight – sorry, Marla!) but I’m more than a little concerned about the privacy aspect and the ease with which people can stalk you. For example, did you know that if you have 2 people in your friends, and they post on each other’s “wall”… you can read that whole conversation even though it doesn’t have anything to do with you?! Creepy! and stalker-ish! When I discovered that, I vowed to only message people, no more writing on walls!!
No! Bad Facebook, bad! MySpace is where it’s at…. I am resisting Facebook for the simple fact that, when it was first popular in my set about a year ago, you had to be a student to sign up. You had to have a .edu or a .ac.uk email address. I was still smarting from not being able to return to university after graduating the previous summer. I’m older than a lot of my Livejournal friends, or they’re the same age as me but still at uni etc… And I didn’t need the internet to tell me I was a biiiig loser.
No! Bad Facebook, bad! MySpace is where it’s at…. I am resisting Facebook for the simple fact that, when it was first popular in my set about a year ago, you had to be a student to sign up. You had to have a .edu or a .ac.uk email address. I was still smarting from not being able to return to university after graduating the previous summer. I’m older than a lot of my Livejournal friends, or they’re the same age as me but still at uni etc… And I didn’t need the internet to tell me I was a biiiig loser.
I also got sucked in by a group of girlfriends who simply stopped emailing to our dist list and were chatting with each other on ‘the book.’ I had to cave: I was outta the loop. I’m a bad Facebooker in that I’m not keeping up with pic posting and forget to update my status for days on end. But I have to admit that I kind of like the quick trip through the Friends list to see what everyone’s up to and then firing off a couple of quick personal messages to a few people, rather than a group email to them all. Yup. Yahoo mail is passé. It’s nuts.
I also got sucked in by a group of girlfriends who simply stopped emailing to our dist list and were chatting with each other on ‘the book.’ I had to cave: I was outta the loop. I’m a bad Facebooker in that I’m not keeping up with pic posting and forget to update my status for days on end. But I have to admit that I kind of like the quick trip through the Friends list to see what everyone’s up to and then firing off a couple of quick personal messages to a few people, rather than a group email to them all. Yup. Yahoo mail is passé. It’s nuts.
PS I just checked out the friends of a person from high school years and he has Yanni as a friend!
And, um, someone who is a bloggy friend and didn’t recognize my non-bloggy maiden name responded to my ‘friending’ and asked if I was sure I knew her… that seems like a good way to handle the what if you don’t know the person thing…
PS I just checked out the friends of a person from high school years and he has Yanni as a friend!
And, um, someone who is a bloggy friend and didn’t recognize my non-bloggy maiden name responded to my ‘friending’ and asked if I was sure I knew her… that seems like a good way to handle the what if you don’t know the person thing…
Wow – Crackbook!
Wow – Crackbook!
I’m in there, too, as you know, Dani.
There are a lot of privacy settings that I think most people are ignoring (or haven’t discovered yet). I have limited the things that appear in my news feed and the things that other people can see in my profile so I ahve more control over what information is out there for just anyone to see.
Facebook gave me an opportunity to right an old wrong this morning.
Back in high school, pressure from my boyfriend* forced me to stop talking to this very nice guy that I sat next to in one class (I didn’t start ignoring him, I had the teacher move me so I could stop getting crap about it from my boyfriend). I came across his name in a friend’s friend list last night and sent him a message and explained what had happened. I’m not labouring under the delusion that he was upset about it all these years but it was nice to tie up that loose end. It’s something I’ve always felt bad about, and now I can let it go.
I doubt we would have crossed paths again had it not been for facebook, and that loose end would have been left hanging.
*He was a total asshole.
I’m in there, too, as you know, Dani.
There are a lot of privacy settings that I think most people are ignoring (or haven’t discovered yet). I have limited the things that appear in my news feed and the things that other people can see in my profile so I ahve more control over what information is out there for just anyone to see.
Facebook gave me an opportunity to right an old wrong this morning.
Back in high school, pressure from my boyfriend* forced me to stop talking to this very nice guy that I sat next to in one class (I didn’t start ignoring him, I had the teacher move me so I could stop getting crap about it from my boyfriend). I came across his name in a friend’s friend list last night and sent him a message and explained what had happened. I’m not labouring under the delusion that he was upset about it all these years but it was nice to tie up that loose end. It’s something I’ve always felt bad about, and now I can let it go.
I doubt we would have crossed paths again had it not been for facebook, and that loose end would have been left hanging.
*He was a total asshole.
Just noticed some fine print on facebook that concerns me:
By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose on or in connection with the Site or the promotion thereof, to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, such User Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses of the foregoing. You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire.
Of course, I’ve never read the fine print at blogger or flickr, but does this concern you?
Just noticed some fine print on facebook that concerns me:
By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose on or in connection with the Site or the promotion thereof, to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, such User Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses of the foregoing. You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire.
Of course, I’ve never read the fine print at blogger or flickr, but does this concern you?
total. facebook. addict.
total. facebook. addict.
Sin, hmmmm… very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen fine print like that on blogger or flickr. Makes me rethink posting my blog RSS feed! I’m not so worried about the rest of the drivel I’ve got on Facebook, but I do have a proprietary interest in the blog feed.
Thanks for that – I’ll have to check it out.
Sin, hmmmm… very interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen fine print like that on blogger or flickr. Makes me rethink posting my blog RSS feed! I’m not so worried about the rest of the drivel I’ve got on Facebook, but I do have a proprietary interest in the blog feed.
Thanks for that – I’ll have to check it out.
I too love facebook… I don’t have ANY adult friends though… it seems that no one from my highschool or college classes is hooked in… or sucked in. I wish they were. There are a bunch of them on LinkedIn, but I am just not that into it.
Jacqueline
I too love facebook… I don’t have ANY adult friends though… it seems that no one from my highschool or college classes is hooked in… or sucked in. I wish they were. There are a bunch of them on LinkedIn, but I am just not that into it.
Jacqueline