Small victories

Much to my relief, not only did I manage to do up my fat jeans today, but I wore them all day.

It’s amazing what a relief that is.

And, I haven’t cried since Friday. Well, there was one weepy moment during a Christmas song, but that’s not unusual for me at the best of times.

Even though I went in to work on Tuesday, it was such an out-of-routine day (I spent most of it at a conference) that I hardly feel like I was at work at all last week. I finally feel ready to face everyone again, to accept condolences and kindness in person. It’s one of the hardest parts, and it’s so much easier to do when it’s mediated through the computer. Maybe I can just ask everyone to e-mail their condolences to me?

Thanks again for your comments, your virtual hugs, and your support. I’m not sure I could have said to any one person any of the things I’ve been able to say here, and being able to express my sadness and frustration and loss without immediately trying to reassure someone that I’m fine has been amazingly cathartic.

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