Post script – part one (of many)

by DaniGirl on November 25, 2006 · 52 comments

in It IS all about me, Loss

While I was out this morning, Beloved took a call for me. On Monday morning, just before my OB appointment, I had gone to have my second and final bloodwork done for the integrated prenatal screening.

The call this morning was the children’s hospital, informing me of my appointment first thing Tuesday morning with a genetics counsellor. This is the same routine we went through when they found a bright spot on Tristan’s heart at the 18 week ultrasound. It was a soft marker for Down syndrome, and they call you in for counselling to explain the risks and the alternatives.

Aside from being caught completely off guard, Beloved wasn’t quite sure what to say to them so simply accepted the appointment not knowing exactly who or what it was, and they didn’t give him any details. However, I think it’s safe to assume that since the baby had been dead for up to two weeks at that point, my hormonal levels would have been a little out of the normal range.

(Sorry. Still a little bit bitter. Just a bit.)

Facetious as I’m being now, I do hold out some hope that maybe they can identify something in the blood work that will give me some closure on this. If it was something scary like Trisomy 13 or who knows what, then maybe this will be a little bit easier to understand, if not accept.

My wheels keep spinning on this. Four pregnancies, three lost souls. Four, if you include Frostie. And yet aside from losing Tristan’s twin at 9 weeks, I’ve had such healthy, easy pregnancies – when I can carry them to term. I just don’t understand.

An hour or so later, the genetic counselling scheduling lady called back to cancel our appointment, having spoken to my OB before I could call them back and explain. I asked if she could give me any information, but if course she is only a receptionist. She will have the counsellor call me next week if there is anything they can offer. And a pathology (pause for more tears) report will be sent to my OB, with whom I have a follow-up appointment next Thursday.

I think I need some more cookies.


{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Sayre November 25, 2006 at 3:14 am

…or more hugs. (((Dani)))

2 Sayre November 25, 2006 at 3:14 am

…or more hugs. (((Dani)))

3 Sayre November 25, 2006 at 3:14 am

…or more hugs. (((Dani)))

4 Sayre November 25, 2006 at 3:14 am

…or more hugs. (((Dani)))

5 Jen November 25, 2006 at 3:25 am

Oh Dani, I hope that they can help you answer some of the questions you have. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

6 Jen November 25, 2006 at 3:25 am

Oh Dani, I hope that they can help you answer some of the questions you have. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

7 Jen November 25, 2006 at 3:25 am

Oh Dani, I hope that they can help you answer some of the questions you have. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

8 Jen November 25, 2006 at 3:25 am

Oh Dani, I hope that they can help you answer some of the questions you have. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

9 liz November 25, 2006 at 4:19 am

Many cookies and hugs right here.

10 liz November 25, 2006 at 4:19 am

Many cookies and hugs right here.

11 liz November 25, 2006 at 4:19 am

Many cookies and hugs right here.

12 liz November 25, 2006 at 4:19 am

Many cookies and hugs right here.

13 JoJo November 25, 2006 at 4:33 am

Honey, would bark help?

14 JoJo November 25, 2006 at 4:33 am

Honey, would bark help?

15 JoJo November 25, 2006 at 4:33 am

Honey, would bark help?

16 JoJo November 25, 2006 at 4:33 am

Honey, would bark help?

17 Sue November 25, 2006 at 4:41 am

(((Dani)))

18 Sue November 25, 2006 at 4:41 am

(((Dani)))

19 Sue November 25, 2006 at 4:41 am

(((Dani)))

20 Sue November 25, 2006 at 4:41 am

(((Dani)))

21 jo(e) November 25, 2006 at 5:02 am

(o)

22 jo(e) November 25, 2006 at 5:02 am

(o)

23 jo(e) November 25, 2006 at 5:02 am

(o)

24 jo(e) November 25, 2006 at 5:02 am

(o)

25 mamaloo, the doula November 25, 2006 at 6:17 am

If the genetic counsellor can offer any info about possible defects, that would indeed be some comfort. But, then again, no matter what was wrong, it doesn’t make it any easier in the end.
My midwife just offered me the screening. I have to give a final decision in January at my next appointment, but I’m pretty sure my husband and I will be turning it down. Our thinking has always been that the information it could provide would not move us to a termination and most defects it could help detect would be traceable on the 20wk U/S, so we don’t bother with the screening.
But, then again, as a 35yo woman doing this for the second time (3rd pregnancy, actually, the second one ended much like yours at 13 wks), I may change my mind. Who knows. So many decisions. Such fragile hearts.

26 mamaloo, the doula November 25, 2006 at 6:17 am

If the genetic counsellor can offer any info about possible defects, that would indeed be some comfort. But, then again, no matter what was wrong, it doesn’t make it any easier in the end.
My midwife just offered me the screening. I have to give a final decision in January at my next appointment, but I’m pretty sure my husband and I will be turning it down. Our thinking has always been that the information it could provide would not move us to a termination and most defects it could help detect would be traceable on the 20wk U/S, so we don’t bother with the screening.
But, then again, as a 35yo woman doing this for the second time (3rd pregnancy, actually, the second one ended much like yours at 13 wks), I may change my mind. Who knows. So many decisions. Such fragile hearts.

27 mamaloo, the doula November 25, 2006 at 6:17 am

If the genetic counsellor can offer any info about possible defects, that would indeed be some comfort. But, then again, no matter what was wrong, it doesn’t make it any easier in the end.
My midwife just offered me the screening. I have to give a final decision in January at my next appointment, but I’m pretty sure my husband and I will be turning it down. Our thinking has always been that the information it could provide would not move us to a termination and most defects it could help detect would be traceable on the 20wk U/S, so we don’t bother with the screening.
But, then again, as a 35yo woman doing this for the second time (3rd pregnancy, actually, the second one ended much like yours at 13 wks), I may change my mind. Who knows. So many decisions. Such fragile hearts.

28 mamaloo, the doula November 25, 2006 at 6:17 am

If the genetic counsellor can offer any info about possible defects, that would indeed be some comfort. But, then again, no matter what was wrong, it doesn’t make it any easier in the end.
My midwife just offered me the screening. I have to give a final decision in January at my next appointment, but I’m pretty sure my husband and I will be turning it down. Our thinking has always been that the information it could provide would not move us to a termination and most defects it could help detect would be traceable on the 20wk U/S, so we don’t bother with the screening.
But, then again, as a 35yo woman doing this for the second time (3rd pregnancy, actually, the second one ended much like yours at 13 wks), I may change my mind. Who knows. So many decisions. Such fragile hearts.

29 Cakes November 25, 2006 at 6:28 am

oh Dani…I’ve been rather self absorbed lately and I’m just reading this news.
I’m so sorry…
so sorry.
I wish if only…ugh.
I’m just so sorry.

30 Cakes November 25, 2006 at 6:28 am

oh Dani…I’ve been rather self absorbed lately and I’m just reading this news.
I’m so sorry…
so sorry.
I wish if only…ugh.
I’m just so sorry.

31 Cakes November 25, 2006 at 6:28 am

oh Dani…I’ve been rather self absorbed lately and I’m just reading this news.
I’m so sorry…
so sorry.
I wish if only…ugh.
I’m just so sorry.

32 Cakes November 25, 2006 at 6:28 am

oh Dani…I’ve been rather self absorbed lately and I’m just reading this news.
I’m so sorry…
so sorry.
I wish if only…ugh.
I’m just so sorry.

33 Heather Ann November 25, 2006 at 9:21 pm

You know, my girlfriend was called about the appointment with the hospital before the midwife was able to telephone her with the abnormal results and it really sent her into a tailspin. I am soo sorry for your loss. I was checking in, and was caught off guard and am so sorry. I feel that the hospital should not be calling the clients directly. There should first be an ob/family practice/midwife call where you can discuss what this might mean with a professional you know…and then call the hospital yourself to make the appointment. Your situation just highlights what I already thought was a bad system. Take the time to heal. Peace.

34 Heather Ann November 25, 2006 at 9:21 pm

You know, my girlfriend was called about the appointment with the hospital before the midwife was able to telephone her with the abnormal results and it really sent her into a tailspin. I am soo sorry for your loss. I was checking in, and was caught off guard and am so sorry. I feel that the hospital should not be calling the clients directly. There should first be an ob/family practice/midwife call where you can discuss what this might mean with a professional you know…and then call the hospital yourself to make the appointment. Your situation just highlights what I already thought was a bad system. Take the time to heal. Peace.

35 Heather Ann November 25, 2006 at 9:21 pm

You know, my girlfriend was called about the appointment with the hospital before the midwife was able to telephone her with the abnormal results and it really sent her into a tailspin. I am soo sorry for your loss. I was checking in, and was caught off guard and am so sorry. I feel that the hospital should not be calling the clients directly. There should first be an ob/family practice/midwife call where you can discuss what this might mean with a professional you know…and then call the hospital yourself to make the appointment. Your situation just highlights what I already thought was a bad system. Take the time to heal. Peace.

36 Heather Ann November 25, 2006 at 9:21 pm

You know, my girlfriend was called about the appointment with the hospital before the midwife was able to telephone her with the abnormal results and it really sent her into a tailspin. I am soo sorry for your loss. I was checking in, and was caught off guard and am so sorry. I feel that the hospital should not be calling the clients directly. There should first be an ob/family practice/midwife call where you can discuss what this might mean with a professional you know…and then call the hospital yourself to make the appointment. Your situation just highlights what I already thought was a bad system. Take the time to heal. Peace.

37 BeachMama November 26, 2006 at 12:54 am

If you get low on the cookies, call I will bring some over šŸ™‚
I do hope that you can get some answers next week. The worst part is the not knowing. After this summer, I finally felt that I had closure for all of my ‘lost souls’ to use your words, with that closure came the ability for me to go on.

38 BeachMama November 26, 2006 at 12:54 am

If you get low on the cookies, call I will bring some over šŸ™‚
I do hope that you can get some answers next week. The worst part is the not knowing. After this summer, I finally felt that I had closure for all of my ‘lost souls’ to use your words, with that closure came the ability for me to go on.

39 BeachMama November 26, 2006 at 12:54 am

If you get low on the cookies, call I will bring some over šŸ™‚
I do hope that you can get some answers next week. The worst part is the not knowing. After this summer, I finally felt that I had closure for all of my ‘lost souls’ to use your words, with that closure came the ability for me to go on.

40 BeachMama November 26, 2006 at 12:54 am

If you get low on the cookies, call I will bring some over šŸ™‚
I do hope that you can get some answers next week. The worst part is the not knowing. After this summer, I finally felt that I had closure for all of my ‘lost souls’ to use your words, with that closure came the ability for me to go on.

41 revdrmom November 26, 2006 at 1:50 am

More hugs, Dani,and as many cookies as you need.

42 revdrmom November 26, 2006 at 1:50 am

More hugs, Dani,and as many cookies as you need.

43 revdrmom November 26, 2006 at 1:50 am

More hugs, Dani,and as many cookies as you need.

44 revdrmom November 26, 2006 at 1:50 am

More hugs, Dani,and as many cookies as you need.

45 Miranda November 26, 2006 at 3:11 am

(o) and more cookies, in case you run out of the yummy ones everyone else has brought.

46 Miranda November 26, 2006 at 3:11 am

(o) and more cookies, in case you run out of the yummy ones everyone else has brought.

47 Miranda November 26, 2006 at 3:11 am

(o) and more cookies, in case you run out of the yummy ones everyone else has brought.

48 Miranda November 26, 2006 at 3:11 am

(o) and more cookies, in case you run out of the yummy ones everyone else has brought.

49 Skyangel Annie November 28, 2006 at 12:56 pm

Oh, Dani…
(((((HUGS))))) and lots of cookies.

50 Skyangel Annie November 28, 2006 at 12:56 pm

Oh, Dani…
(((((HUGS))))) and lots of cookies.

51 Skyangel Annie November 28, 2006 at 12:56 pm

Oh, Dani…
(((((HUGS))))) and lots of cookies.

52 Skyangel Annie November 28, 2006 at 12:56 pm

Oh, Dani…
(((((HUGS))))) and lots of cookies.

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