On secrets and sleep deprivation

by DaniGirl on September 28, 2006 · 24 comments

in Uncategorized

You’ll have to excuse me. This little blueberry of a baby has forged some sort of evil alliance with Simon, and they’re conspiring to make sure I’m so completely sleep deprived that I cease to function. For the past week and a half, Simon has been waking me three to five times a night (!) with grumbles in his sleep, whether for a lost soother or a cold that only seems to manifest itself during the night, and once I’m up, I’m up for an hour. They are very close to succeeding in their evil alliance.

All that to justify the fact that my brain is goo, and it’s an epic struggle just to make coherent sentences, let alone grammatically correct sentences that provoke stimulating debate. (But, speaking of stimulating debate – that was fun yesterday. Thanks for your two cents, and kudos to all of you for being so darn polite about it, too.)

I’m trying to avoid being the all-pregnancy-all-the-time blogger, but you’ll have to forgive me as that’s where my head is at these days. Hey, only seven more months to go! And there are just so many interesting topics related to pregnancy that we can talk about.

For instance, a friend of mine just found out she’s going to be a grandmother for the first time. Her son and daughter-in-law just told her last week – and she’s three months along. I couldn’t imagine taking three days, let alone three months, to tell my mom.

As you saw, I knew for all of about three hours before sharing my news with the interweb, and frankly that’s *longer* than I waited with Simon. I simply don’t get why people wait three months to tell people about a new pregnancy, and I’d like to know what you think. Even when we lost our first baby at 13 weeks, although it was truly one of the worst things of my life to have to tell everyone and sift through their grief as well as my own, I would still rather do it with the support of my friends than alone with Beloved.

What are your thoughts on waiting to announce a pregnancy? Did you tell people right away, wait for a special occasion, or wait for that mystical three-month mark? And *how* did you keep it a secret for so long? I have to restrain myself from telling strangers on streetcorners!


{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Suzanne September 28, 2006 at 2:23 pm

We waited for about 8 weeks before telling our parents and close family, a little longer to tell friends and coworkers. Although I was bursting each time, I also liked having a secret that just Jeff and I shared.

2 Suzanne September 28, 2006 at 2:23 pm

We waited for about 8 weeks before telling our parents and close family, a little longer to tell friends and coworkers. Although I was bursting each time, I also liked having a secret that just Jeff and I shared.

3 Tamara September 28, 2006 at 2:26 pm

We told people right away with all four of my pregnancies…and I only had two that were successful! My 7 year old and my 3 year old both each have a guardian angel watching over them.
Even though I lost two, those were two of my babies and I love acknowledging they existed! After each miscarriage, I then had a healthy baby and so everything for me happened the way it did to let my two beautiful babies be born. That’s life!

4 Tamara September 28, 2006 at 2:26 pm

We told people right away with all four of my pregnancies…and I only had two that were successful! My 7 year old and my 3 year old both each have a guardian angel watching over them.
Even though I lost two, those were two of my babies and I love acknowledging they existed! After each miscarriage, I then had a healthy baby and so everything for me happened the way it did to let my two beautiful babies be born. That’s life!

5 Renee September 28, 2006 at 2:43 pm

I have a big mouth; I like to talk (I actually just typed ‘I live to talk’; that might be more the case).
So, yeah, we told people right away, as in the same day we found out!

6 Renee September 28, 2006 at 2:43 pm

I have a big mouth; I like to talk (I actually just typed ‘I live to talk’; that might be more the case).
So, yeah, we told people right away, as in the same day we found out!

7 JoJo September 28, 2006 at 2:48 pm

I told everyone right away. I tried to tell you the same day I POAS but you had the nerve to be away for the weekend. So you were the last to know 5 days after I POAS.

8 JoJo September 28, 2006 at 2:48 pm

I told everyone right away. I tried to tell you the same day I POAS but you had the nerve to be away for the weekend. So you were the last to know 5 days after I POAS.

9 Jen September 28, 2006 at 3:17 pm

I told close friends and family right away for our first. Pretty much the world right away for the second (the blog thing, you know). Since we were doing the fertility clinic thing and I was bumping into people I knew there it was hard to hide it and, as you said, should something have happened, I know I’d have needed the support.

10 Jen September 28, 2006 at 3:17 pm

I told close friends and family right away for our first. Pretty much the world right away for the second (the blog thing, you know). Since we were doing the fertility clinic thing and I was bumping into people I knew there it was hard to hide it and, as you said, should something have happened, I know I’d have needed the support.

11 Fryman September 28, 2006 at 7:38 pm

Ok – your token male here. We held off for three months on our first, then lost one without telling most people, and agreed that it would have been way easier and better having told for two reasons. 1. Being able to act accordingly rather than trying to act ‘normal’ when you can’t for a while. 2. It was often ‘harder’ to tell people that we didn’t tell them than tell them what happened. I felt guilty that I didn’. It was like saying ‘You’re my friend/family/whatever, but not really cause I couldn’t tell you something, but now I need your support/to explain so I’m telling you. It was awkward.
So, for our third (and final) we pretty much pulled a DaniGirl and stood on a street corner screaming.
By the way, is it just me or are we all waiting for the ‘find out/don’t find out sex of baby’ post and the ‘do/don’t tell if we do find out’ post…..

12 Fryman September 28, 2006 at 7:38 pm

Ok – your token male here. We held off for three months on our first, then lost one without telling most people, and agreed that it would have been way easier and better having told for two reasons. 1. Being able to act accordingly rather than trying to act ‘normal’ when you can’t for a while. 2. It was often ‘harder’ to tell people that we didn’t tell them than tell them what happened. I felt guilty that I didn’. It was like saying ‘You’re my friend/family/whatever, but not really cause I couldn’t tell you something, but now I need your support/to explain so I’m telling you. It was awkward.
So, for our third (and final) we pretty much pulled a DaniGirl and stood on a street corner screaming.
By the way, is it just me or are we all waiting for the ‘find out/don’t find out sex of baby’ post and the ‘do/don’t tell if we do find out’ post…..

13 Sharon September 28, 2006 at 9:05 pm

I wanted to keep it all to myself. Just me and Jack. Selfish yes. But I wanted to enjoy haveing a little secrect between us. I Told both families Chritmas day for Miranda. I as over 3 months by then. It made it a speical Christmas.
For Nathan. I was just so afriad of jinxing it and it was like I truely couldn’t believe that I was finally PG again. And I wanted to enjoy that moment for awhile too when I passed the 3 month mark and sighed a breath of relief.
So for me it was purely selfish. Something only the 2 of us could share before family and friends found out.

14 Sharon September 28, 2006 at 9:05 pm

I wanted to keep it all to myself. Just me and Jack. Selfish yes. But I wanted to enjoy haveing a little secrect between us. I Told both families Chritmas day for Miranda. I as over 3 months by then. It made it a speical Christmas.
For Nathan. I was just so afriad of jinxing it and it was like I truely couldn’t believe that I was finally PG again. And I wanted to enjoy that moment for awhile too when I passed the 3 month mark and sighed a breath of relief.
So for me it was purely selfish. Something only the 2 of us could share before family and friends found out.

15 Shelley September 29, 2006 at 4:03 am

No need to apologize for being “all pregnancy all the time.” Hey, it’s your blog, and it’s where you’re at.
We went through the “oh don’t tell it’s bad luck” for about five minutes, but I just couldn’t imagine not sharing such a life-changing piece of news with those who were important to us.

16 Shelley September 29, 2006 at 4:03 am

No need to apologize for being “all pregnancy all the time.” Hey, it’s your blog, and it’s where you’re at.
We went through the “oh don’t tell it’s bad luck” for about five minutes, but I just couldn’t imagine not sharing such a life-changing piece of news with those who were important to us.

17 Donna September 29, 2006 at 4:39 am

I have a huge mouth . . told my parents the day we found out . . (it was Christmas and how perfect of a gift was it that we had our first child on the way!). . I burst out to friends a week or so later, and we told my husband’s family several weeks after that . . so all very early. Definitely before the first three months, and wouldn’t have done it another way, I don’t think. I’m very close to my mom and sister, and talk to them almost every day, so wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth quiet!

18 Donna September 29, 2006 at 4:39 am

I have a huge mouth . . told my parents the day we found out . . (it was Christmas and how perfect of a gift was it that we had our first child on the way!). . I burst out to friends a week or so later, and we told my husband’s family several weeks after that . . so all very early. Definitely before the first three months, and wouldn’t have done it another way, I don’t think. I’m very close to my mom and sister, and talk to them almost every day, so wouldn’t have been able to keep my mouth quiet!

19 twinmomplusone October 1, 2006 at 8:46 pm

guess I’m teh token quiet type
first pregnancy, told EVERYONE right away and then miscarried, no fun
subsequent pregnancies, waited the 3 month mark before telling ANYONE mostly for work issues so it was all or nothing for us

20 twinmomplusone October 1, 2006 at 8:46 pm

guess I’m teh token quiet type
first pregnancy, told EVERYONE right away and then miscarried, no fun
subsequent pregnancies, waited the 3 month mark before telling ANYONE mostly for work issues so it was all or nothing for us

21 Matt Rush October 3, 2006 at 9:20 am

We told everyone right away. I have had one successful pregnancy and two miscarriages. The miscarriages have been very difficult, but I am glad that I was able to have the support of family and friends through it all. They were able to share my pain, rather then keep it a secret from them.
Matt

22 Matt Rush October 3, 2006 at 9:20 am

We told everyone right away. I have had one successful pregnancy and two miscarriages. The miscarriages have been very difficult, but I am glad that I was able to have the support of family and friends through it all. They were able to share my pain, rather then keep it a secret from them.
Matt

23 Pablo October 16, 2006 at 10:22 am

Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing…to be able to give life, such a gift from God. But be prepared, some of these little insomniacs
can keep the parents up at nights. But it’s such a wonderful thing to see these little bundle of joy though 😉

24 Pablo October 16, 2006 at 10:22 am

Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing…to be able to give life, such a gift from God. But be prepared, some of these little insomniacs
can keep the parents up at nights. But it’s such a wonderful thing to see these little bundle of joy though 😉

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