Saying goodbye to frostie

by DaniGirl on August 2, 2006 · 80 comments

in Frostie, Infertility, Loss

I’ve always believed in a greater order to the universe, if not in an actual higher power. Not exactly fate, because I believe we do control our own destinies. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason.

That makes it only marginally easier to say goodbye to frostie. No need to pee on a stick this morning, because nature informed me in her own bloody way last night that the cycle didn’t work, that toastie never did become stickie, and that I’m not pregnant.

I think the strangest, saddest part of the whole thing is saying goodbye to the idea of frostie. For five years, as long as we’ve had Tristan in my life, we’ve also had frostie. Frostie was like an empty chair at the table, a place-holder for the child that might someday be. It was our back-up plan, our big ‘what-if”. It was also the twin of Tristan. For five years, we paid a couple hundred dollars to keep it in frozen slumber, and it seems incredibly sad to me to go through all the effort of re-energizing it, only to have the cycle fail.

But everything happens for a reason, right?

You only had to read a post or two in the past couple of months to know I was occasionally ambivalent about the idea of having three kids. And yet, typically, now that I’ve been told I can’t have something I want it more than ever. I’m such a Leo.

And heck, Simon taught us that we don’t need a lab and a dozen specialists and a couple thousand dollars to make a baby. There’s an easier, much more fun and FREE way to go about it, and you know how I feel about free. I love free.

So yes, today we are sad to say goodbye to frostie. To have a dream end this way is always sad, but we are so very blessed in so many ways. I never, ever want to be that person who reaches past what she has trying to grasp what she wants. Never.

So long, frostie. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for us.


{ 80 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Trixie August 2, 2006 at 3:01 pm

My heart goes out to you, Dani, even as your strength and perspective are an inspiration.

2 Trixie August 2, 2006 at 3:01 pm

My heart goes out to you, Dani, even as your strength and perspective are an inspiration.

3 Andrea August 2, 2006 at 3:21 pm

I’m sorry, Dani. I wish it were different.
*profers a large box of Godiva*

4 Andrea August 2, 2006 at 3:21 pm

I’m sorry, Dani. I wish it were different.
*profers a large box of Godiva*

5 Renee August 2, 2006 at 3:21 pm

Sorry to hear about frostie, Dani.
Your post is great; counting your blessings. Something we all need to do more often.

6 Renee August 2, 2006 at 3:21 pm

Sorry to hear about frostie, Dani.
Your post is great; counting your blessings. Something we all need to do more often.

7 Chris (Mombie) August 2, 2006 at 3:38 pm

I’m sorry things panned out this way.

8 Chris (Mombie) August 2, 2006 at 3:38 pm

I’m sorry things panned out this way.

9 Rebecca August 2, 2006 at 3:41 pm

I’m sorry for, for you and for frostie.
So his Leo-ism explains why my husband does those things, hmm? I seee!
xxx

10 Rebecca August 2, 2006 at 3:41 pm

I’m sorry for, for you and for frostie.
So his Leo-ism explains why my husband does those things, hmm? I seee!
xxx

11 Sara August 2, 2006 at 3:48 pm

I enjoyed riding the frostie wave with you… keep smiling, your boys are much to proud of!

12 Sara August 2, 2006 at 3:48 pm

I enjoyed riding the frostie wave with you… keep smiling, your boys are much to proud of!

13 suze August 2, 2006 at 3:56 pm

Your perspective is wonderful, but I’m sorry for the outcome. I was rooting for you and little frostie.

14 suze August 2, 2006 at 3:56 pm

Your perspective is wonderful, but I’m sorry for the outcome. I was rooting for you and little frostie.

15 twinmomplusone August 2, 2006 at 3:59 pm

your frostie was loved and you gave it a chance
hugs dani

16 twinmomplusone August 2, 2006 at 3:59 pm

your frostie was loved and you gave it a chance
hugs dani

17 Barb August 2, 2006 at 4:16 pm

My heart goes out to you….
Saying good bye is never easyt
Here’s a big hug!
Barb

18 Barb August 2, 2006 at 4:16 pm

My heart goes out to you….
Saying good bye is never easyt
Here’s a big hug!
Barb

19 JoJo August 2, 2006 at 4:23 pm

I am so truly sorry. Goodbye is hard.

20 JoJo August 2, 2006 at 4:23 pm

I am so truly sorry. Goodbye is hard.

21 Phantom Scribbler August 2, 2006 at 4:31 pm

{{{{Dani}}}}
Thank you for sharing frostie with us, and allowing us to say goodbye with you.

22 Phantom Scribbler August 2, 2006 at 4:31 pm

{{{{Dani}}}}
Thank you for sharing frostie with us, and allowing us to say goodbye with you.

23 jo(e) August 2, 2006 at 4:43 pm

Beautifully said.
Sending a hug …

24 jo(e) August 2, 2006 at 4:43 pm

Beautifully said.
Sending a hug …

25 Ingrid August 2, 2006 at 5:24 pm

Deepest sympathies to both of you. Thank you so much for sharing the personal experience with us; now we share the grief with you.
Just remember how Simon came about…

26 Ingrid August 2, 2006 at 5:24 pm

Deepest sympathies to both of you. Thank you so much for sharing the personal experience with us; now we share the grief with you.
Just remember how Simon came about…

27 Lugina August 2, 2006 at 5:30 pm

You’ll be in my thoughts today.

28 Lugina August 2, 2006 at 5:30 pm

You’ll be in my thoughts today.

29 lini August 2, 2006 at 7:01 pm

I am so very sorry Dani.
Love,
Lini

30 lini August 2, 2006 at 7:01 pm

I am so very sorry Dani.
Love,
Lini

31 Marla August 2, 2006 at 7:41 pm

I am taking the crumpled and moist mess of sadness out of the hand that was behind my back yesterday, and am wrapping it it a wee cashmere blanket, giving it a little chocolate and some boubon, and tucking it away deep inside so that when I finally lay eyes on you, all you see is a glimpse of it and then only that I’m happy to see you. And then we can start planning the wedding immediately.

32 Marla August 2, 2006 at 7:41 pm

I am taking the crumpled and moist mess of sadness out of the hand that was behind my back yesterday, and am wrapping it it a wee cashmere blanket, giving it a little chocolate and some boubon, and tucking it away deep inside so that when I finally lay eyes on you, all you see is a glimpse of it and then only that I’m happy to see you. And then we can start planning the wedding immediately.

33 andrea from the fishbowl August 2, 2006 at 7:43 pm

Aw honey…. hugs to you!

34 andrea from the fishbowl August 2, 2006 at 7:43 pm

Aw honey…. hugs to you!

35 Miche August 2, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Big hugs Dani. Kudos to you for your strength and perspective. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I’m glad you tried — even if the results were not as you had hoped at the time. To not try and wonder … that would be a difficult weight to bear.

36 Miche August 2, 2006 at 9:25 pm

Big hugs Dani. Kudos to you for your strength and perspective. Thank you for sharing your journey.
I’m glad you tried — even if the results were not as you had hoped at the time. To not try and wonder … that would be a difficult weight to bear.

37 Sara August 2, 2006 at 9:49 pm

I’m so sorry about frostie and the loss of all the hopes, dreams, and invested possibilities that frostie entailed.
What could be done, you did for frostie. In the end, that’s what matters.

38 Sara August 2, 2006 at 9:49 pm

I’m so sorry about frostie and the loss of all the hopes, dreams, and invested possibilities that frostie entailed.
What could be done, you did for frostie. In the end, that’s what matters.

39 Sally August 2, 2006 at 10:36 pm

I’m so sorry your frostie didn’t make it. I know it’s hard to say goodbye. I’ll be thinking of you lots in the coming days.

40 Sally August 2, 2006 at 10:36 pm

I’m so sorry your frostie didn’t make it. I know it’s hard to say goodbye. I’ll be thinking of you lots in the coming days.

41 kris August 3, 2006 at 3:01 am

I’m sorry, Dani.

42 kris August 3, 2006 at 3:01 am

I’m sorry, Dani.

43 Chantal August 3, 2006 at 3:09 am

Dani, I’m sorry. It sucks. šŸ™

44 Chantal August 3, 2006 at 3:09 am

Dani, I’m sorry. It sucks. šŸ™

45 Kristina August 3, 2006 at 5:28 am

When I had a miscarriage many years back, I told one kind soul that it was OK, and that everything happens for a reason. (A brave face I was putting on when in reality I was pretty sad.) He told me that when his wife had a miscarriage, it was letting go of the dream that was the hardest part. I hear that in your post. I’m so sorry. (Hugs)

46 Kristina August 3, 2006 at 5:28 am

When I had a miscarriage many years back, I told one kind soul that it was OK, and that everything happens for a reason. (A brave face I was putting on when in reality I was pretty sad.) He told me that when his wife had a miscarriage, it was letting go of the dream that was the hardest part. I hear that in your post. I’m so sorry. (Hugs)

47 Heather August 3, 2006 at 6:15 am

Just clicked on your blog by chance from CHBM.
I’m sorry. I also had that unwelcome bloody reminder that I am not pg arrive last night.
We have been trying to conceive #3 for almost a year.
Your loss is so much greater than mine.
Sorry.

48 Heather August 3, 2006 at 6:15 am

Just clicked on your blog by chance from CHBM.
I’m sorry. I also had that unwelcome bloody reminder that I am not pg arrive last night.
We have been trying to conceive #3 for almost a year.
Your loss is so much greater than mine.
Sorry.

49 Terry August 3, 2006 at 7:06 am

So sorry Dani. Thank you for sharing the journey with us. I think we’ll all hug our children a little tighter today, reminded of how complicated it can be to get them here.

50 Terry August 3, 2006 at 7:06 am

So sorry Dani. Thank you for sharing the journey with us. I think we’ll all hug our children a little tighter today, reminded of how complicated it can be to get them here.

51 Rebecca August 3, 2006 at 1:39 pm

I just wanted to say I’m sorry it worked out that way and let you know how incredible you are. ((hugs))

52 Rebecca August 3, 2006 at 1:39 pm

I just wanted to say I’m sorry it worked out that way and let you know how incredible you are. ((hugs))

53 Jen August 3, 2006 at 6:32 pm

Oh Dani. I’m sorry.

54 Jen August 3, 2006 at 6:32 pm

Oh Dani. I’m sorry.

55 Casey August 3, 2006 at 7:03 pm

I’m sorry, Dani.

56 Casey August 3, 2006 at 7:03 pm

I’m sorry, Dani.

57 Kris August 3, 2006 at 11:56 pm

So sorry Dani. I love how you ended this post, such a positive way to look at things.
xoxo

58 Kris August 3, 2006 at 11:56 pm

So sorry Dani. I love how you ended this post, such a positive way to look at things.
xoxo

59 Robin August 4, 2006 at 3:05 am

I’m sorry this try did not work for you.. I’m sending you a big hug and a buttertart through my computer.. šŸ˜‰
Love, Robin

60 Robin August 4, 2006 at 3:05 am

I’m sorry this try did not work for you.. I’m sending you a big hug and a buttertart through my computer.. šŸ˜‰
Love, Robin

61 Dean Dad August 4, 2006 at 1:39 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

62 Dean Dad August 4, 2006 at 1:39 pm

I’m so sorry, Dani.

63 Farm Mommy Kirsten August 4, 2006 at 2:53 pm

There’s nothing I can add that others haven’t said. I’ve been away from your blog for a while and am sorry that I missed sharing both the hope and the hurt with you Dani. I know you have lots to deal with right now but far more blessings in life to celebrate both now and in the future.

64 Farm Mommy Kirsten August 4, 2006 at 2:53 pm

There’s nothing I can add that others haven’t said. I’ve been away from your blog for a while and am sorry that I missed sharing both the hope and the hurt with you Dani. I know you have lots to deal with right now but far more blessings in life to celebrate both now and in the future.

65 Kristina August 4, 2006 at 5:05 pm

I’m sorry I missed this post. You are handling this with so much grace, but I’m sure it must be hard for you, and I’m very sad to hear of it.

66 Kristina August 4, 2006 at 5:05 pm

I’m sorry I missed this post. You are handling this with so much grace, but I’m sure it must be hard for you, and I’m very sad to hear of it.

67 Rev. Dr. Mom August 4, 2006 at 11:33 pm

I’m sorry, Dani. (o)

68 Rev. Dr. Mom August 4, 2006 at 11:33 pm

I’m sorry, Dani. (o)

69 Sharon August 5, 2006 at 1:55 am

Oh Dani…Hugs
Nothing more one can say.

70 Sharon August 5, 2006 at 1:55 am

Oh Dani…Hugs
Nothing more one can say.

71 Nancy August 5, 2006 at 2:36 am

Oh Dani, I have been behind in my blog reading and am just visiting. I am so sorry, but I am glad that it sounds like a peaceful kind of goodbye. ((hugs))

72 Nancy August 5, 2006 at 2:36 am

Oh Dani, I have been behind in my blog reading and am just visiting. I am so sorry, but I am glad that it sounds like a peaceful kind of goodbye. ((hugs))

73 Brenda August 6, 2006 at 7:15 am

Dani,
I’m sorry it didn’t work. I can totally relate to those feelings. I would wave to my frosties when bringing our older two to the orthodontists once a month for 2 years. The hardest part was driving by the first time they weren’t there anymore and I cried then.
I believe that fate plays a bg part in our lives. Take care,
Brenda

74 Brenda August 6, 2006 at 7:15 am

Dani,
I’m sorry it didn’t work. I can totally relate to those feelings. I would wave to my frosties when bringing our older two to the orthodontists once a month for 2 years. The hardest part was driving by the first time they weren’t there anymore and I cried then.
I believe that fate plays a bg part in our lives. Take care,
Brenda

75 BeachMama August 6, 2006 at 1:16 pm

Dani, my heart breaks for you. I had such hopes for the two of us together and it seems to have turned out the opposite. Big hugs and squeezes.

76 BeachMama August 6, 2006 at 1:16 pm

Dani, my heart breaks for you. I had such hopes for the two of us together and it seems to have turned out the opposite. Big hugs and squeezes.

77 Sue August 8, 2006 at 3:03 am

So sorry Dani. Sending hugs…

78 Sue August 8, 2006 at 3:03 am

So sorry Dani. Sending hugs…

79 SheilaC August 28, 2006 at 5:22 am

I’m so sorry, Dani. This is a beautiful post. I wish things could have turned out differently for you and your family.
Just catching up on my Bloglines arrears, after a 3 week vacation and 2 weeks of busy-ness since we got home. You’ve been busy posting up a storm!
With my sympathy, and best wishes,

80 SheilaC August 28, 2006 at 5:22 am

I’m so sorry, Dani. This is a beautiful post. I wish things could have turned out differently for you and your family.
Just catching up on my Bloglines arrears, after a 3 week vacation and 2 weeks of busy-ness since we got home. You’ve been busy posting up a storm!
With my sympathy, and best wishes,

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