A sampling of files that have crossed my desk this week…
Hello! I’m writing a speech for the CEO, and we need a short sentence to describe the new service you are launching this fall. Maybe 10 or 15 words, briefly describing exactly what the service will offer to the public. Could you send me something by end of day? Thanks in advance.
Dear Communications Advisor,
Thank you for your interest in our program. In order to release the information you requested, we’ll need the signatures of your director, our director, and our director general.
Dear Important and Valued Client,
Ha ha, that’s funny. So really, when can you send me the information?
Communications Advisor,
Our business agenda is a change driver of significant efficiencies, impact and scope and we are fully engaging our stakeholders in proactively managing this change closely with us to arrive successfully at the desired output.
Client,
Yes, I completely understand that. But can you please send me the information?
Comm adv.,
That is the information you requested. Please forward requisite approvals ASAP.
Hello Communications Advisor,
We are making 750,000 CDs to distribute nationally to the public. Someone mentioned communications might be interested seeing a copy before we send it to production. You’ll see that we mention all of our highest profile programs. It’s going to production tomorrow, so I need your comments by EOD today.
Hello Important Client,
Thank you for sending me a copy of your content. I think you might have to delay your production run, as I’m not sure management would approve of the lime green and magenta flashing animations dancing across the screen, nor your replacement of our corporate logo with an animé pirate. Yes, it is true that we are trying to market to a youth audience, but re-writing our mission and vision statement in gangsta-rap might be a bit of a stretch. And may I suggest you run your content through spell-check? I started editing it, but ran out of red ink on page 7 of 258. Before signing off on this $300K investment, I think I should get my manager to take a look at it.
CA,
This is why we never bother to run anything by communications. All you do is kill our creative ideas and throw up roadblocks with your rules and approvals. We’ve gone ahead with the project as is. My director will be speaking to your manager about your unhelpfulness, unpleasantness and poor attitude.
Luckily, capricious toddler whims and tantrums have given me some excellent experience in dealing with my clients this week. Frankly, I’ll take the toddlers any time…
Related posts (automatically generated):
- More than you needed to know about me? I spent a good chunk of time this weekend updating my résumé, and another little chunk of time writing up a little bio for a very! exciting! project! that I’ve got coming up this week (more soon!) These comprehensive analyses are always difficult for me — I’m naturally self-effacing, but...
- And now a word from our sponsor… I promise, this is not a new direction in blog monetization, but when I was offered the opportunity to share this Mega-Important Message from the Executive Managing Director of Zellers, I had to agree for a couple of reasons. First, I think it’s a clever campaign. Also, I’m feeling personally...
- Forget the kid, I’d like to go myself! Courtesy my dear friend Cait, “Would you send your kid to Hogwarts?” Um, only if I couldn’t go myself…...
- If you build it, they will buy it This is how I picture it. Lucy is a business student, doing a one-week internship with a company that manufactures baby gear. After spending most of the week contributing to the company’s success with tasks as challenging as making coffee and filing year-old shareholder reports, she is asked by the...
- My blog and pony show Back in late 2005 or so, I went to a Communications Community Office presentation on blogging. The CCO is a government communicators network, and the speaker was one of the leading experts on blogs as an emerging communication medium. I remember watching the presentation and thinking, man I’d love to...
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, Dani. I”m so sorry. You can be my communications advisor any day.
Oh, Dani. I”m so sorry. You can be my communications advisor any day.
Oh so sorry you had to deal with that. I would take the toddler to!
Oh so sorry you had to deal with that. I would take the toddler to!
Yikes, that would be a bad day at the office for sure. Beats my week full of two 2 1/2 year olds, at least when they don’t listen to me I can put them for a time-out
Yikes, that would be a bad day at the office for sure. Beats my week full of two 2 1/2 year olds, at least when they don’t listen to me I can put them for a time-out
this is almost eerily familiar…
this is almost eerily familiar…
NOT nice.
They need a BIG time out.
Hugs
NOT nice.
They need a BIG time out.
Hugs