So THIS is why we don’t host dinner parties!

by DaniGirl on April 12, 2005 · 14 comments

in Uncategorized

We had some friends over on the weekend for dinner. No no, we didn’t have them à la Hannibal Lecter, we had the grilled chicken fajitas you told me I couldn’t have on Friday when I had to have takeout. Did I thank you for that yet?

So we had these terrific friends of ours over, and they brought their baby daughter. Okay, I can see it’s going to take me forever to tell this story, because I already have to correct myself again. What really happened is, we really really wanted to see, hold, cuddle, play with and otherwise fawn over their beautiful two-month-old baby daughter, and since she isn’t getting out much without a chaperone these days, we had to invite them along for the ride.

So anyway, they all three come over for cuddles and fawning and some dinner on the side. They are there exactly long enough for me to serve them each a drink when J (aka the guest who might not want to be named on the Internet) caught Simon with his hand submersed up to his wrist in J’s drink. This is the first of many times I will think throughout the evening that I am incredibly glad these are very good and patient friends of ours who genuinely love our boys and who are on the cusp of some major parenting foibles themselves. So J is pretty good about the whole thing, gets a towel and wipes off Simon’s hand and the drink spilled all over the end table and doesn’t even mention the fact that I totally didn’t offer to get him a new drink. Can you believe I only just NOW thought of that?

Now, you’d think that with the ratio of parents to children rising from 2:2 to 4:3, the odds would be improving in our favour over your average level of household mischief. Not so much. Beloved is so completely enthralled with beautiful baby girl that he forgets he even has boys, let alone that said boys are running rampant through the house. Not even 10 minutes after the Simon-as-stir-stick event, somehow Simon gets into the bathroom, closes the door behind him, and makes his way – in the pitch black, mind you – to the toilet, lifts the lid, and begins washing his pop-soaked hands in the toilet water. Beloved intercedes and washes Simon’s hands, I go back to making dinner, and within five – I’m guessing it wasn’t even three – minutes, Simon was back with his hand up to his wrist in J’s drink. God bless J, who only asked Beloved, “Are you sure you did a good job washing his hands?” And you know what? I honestly can’t remember if I got him a fresh drink even then.

So we have dinner, and it’s the usual chaos of dinner with Tristan not wanting to eat (a blog for another day) and it’s too late for Simon who passed through hungry the previous hour and had arrived at too-famished-to-do-anything-but-holler-and-throw-food, and JJ (as opposed to J) has to leave the table mid-meal to be a meal to her baby girl, and I remember the days we used to have dinner when it was just the four of us and we’d linger over dinner and dessert and conversation for hours. Or was that somebody else’s life?

You’d think having his very own baby in the house for the past 14 1/2 months would have left Tristan jaded on the concept of babies in general, but just the opposite is true. He really had no use for Simon as a baby, but he is fascinated by the new babies in our life, particularly his almost six-month old cousin Noah and beautiful baby girl. Beautiful baby girl is particularly special, however, because she is the only baby girl in any of our lives. My brother has a son, my closest friends have sons, my cousin has a son – even the day care provider has nothing but sons. So you can see why beautiful baby girl is a princess in all of our lives. On the way home in the car from our first visit to introduce beautiful baby girl to the boys, Tristan pronouced (with no prompting from us) that beautiful baby girl is his girlfriend. (pauses to let you “awwwwww” properly)

So anyway, JJ finishes feeding beautiful baby girl while we clean up the kitchen, and of course the next thing on the agenda is a diaper change. Tristan, who hasn’t really moved more than a foot away from beautiful baby girl all afternoon, is ‘helping’ and JJ is extremely patient with him. As she removes beautiful baby girl’s diaper, Tristan begins to howl with laughter, and I am mortified when he exclaims “Look at how small her penis is!”

Needless to say, we won’t be hosting too many more dinner parties this decade. We might even have to hold off until the engagement party of Tristan and beautiful baby girl…


{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Nancy April 12, 2005 at 1:59 pm

PMPROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Snack Mommy April 12, 2005 at 2:24 pm

Fantastic post Dani!! I’m sure Simon, Tristan, and BBG will all love reading it when they get older…or engaged :~)

3 Chezjosee April 12, 2005 at 5:50 pm

I am laughing out loud! And had to type it out!
Great writing as always!
Barb….still giggling

4 Debbie April 12, 2005 at 7:29 pm

WOW LOOK, MY FIRST COMMENT SPAM. NEVER EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM THIS COMPANY….
Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with a blank page? Have you ever wondered why some children just seem to detest anything to do with writing? Have you seem them just give up in frustration and walk away angry and distraught? Well you are not alone. Every one possesses the capability to write stories, plays, poems or journal writings. There is something that belongs to you and nobody else – something that you can always keep a secret. There is something so special that it is priceless, and yet it costs you nothing. This is something that can never be taken away from you, but is yours to share with as many people as you choose. This is something you can keep for a lifetime and use anytime. Do you know what it is? Do you give up? This is your imagination.
Poets and artisans of ancient Greece attributed their inspiration to playful whispers from Muses. Eventually, they recognized the mystic murmurings to be their own imaginations. Einstein claimed that imagination was more important than knowledge. Knowledge was limited, he said, whereas imagination could “embrace the entire world stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.”
As co-author of a literacy program in Ontario, ‘The Muse Program’ Debbie has had a unique opportunity to observe children at work and see the methods that work best. The hesitation comes for some as they sit facing a blank page. Even with a vivid imagination, without the tools to utilize it, it becomes a stumbling block for many children.
Debbie has peppered her books with practical questions easily understood by children of any background. Their answers to those leading questions will provide a strong basis for a story. There is a broad comfort zone, because she leads them through familiar territory so that they can write about what they know best.
Using techniques she has developed with her own children to stretch their imaginations and her artistic background, she is able to conjure up images in their minds that are more easily transformed into words on that intimidating blank page.
The first in the series, ‘Short Stories with Imagination’ is designed to encourage the use of imagination and to help foster a child’s self-image, opening up a whole new world to explore. Based on real-life childhood memories, these stories promote the idea that anything is possible. With a little help from our imaginations, an ordinary day can become one filled with adventure – sailing with pirates, running a race, or experiencing the thrill of a plane ride for the first time.
‘Storybuilding with Imagination’, the second in the Imagination Series, uses the proven techniques Debbie has developed and helps walk the child through the general principals of story writing. Following her lead helps the child untangle the confusing trail of mazes, and feel the pride of a job well done. ‘Storybuilding with Imagination’ is written simply, visually and interactively, so that children can follow along, regardless of re

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5 Insane Preschool Mom April 12, 2005 at 10:06 pm

Hi! I found you through Weblog Review. My son asked me where his sisters’ penises were once. Sometimes it’s cute, other times it’s mortifying!

6 Batman April 13, 2005 at 12:40 am

HeeHee. That’ll be a good one for the speech at the wedding reception.

7 Jen April 13, 2005 at 2:25 am

Nice post. I think that this is why god invented Chuck E. Cheese. 🙂

8 Ktcakes! April 13, 2005 at 4:19 am

What are you nuts?! Say it with me “Afternoon (just after naptime) barbecues at the park!!” Men cook, Ladies relax and chat while kids play serenely on the playground. c’mon though admit it.. you all had a great time!
So will Tristan still want to marry BBG after you explain that the lack of penis means more brains and power?

9 Batman April 13, 2005 at 4:24 am

ahem…just pretend like I’m not here!

10 Ktcakes! April 13, 2005 at 5:07 am

ahhhh, sorry. You’re one of those “sensitive” types, huh? I’ll try to be less female-centric in future. 😉

11 Danigirl April 13, 2005 at 12:27 pm

Oooo, first spam, now controversy in the comments – I’m a big-time blogger now!!!!

12 SilverCreek Mom April 13, 2005 at 1:14 pm

LMAO!
Dani Don’t stop giving dinner parties, even with kids. I’ve gone through 2 and sometime we can sit for hours and talk and other nights we wrap it up early and eveyone goes home but both sides have or had kids or understand. Besides ….one really wants to hold a baby one must get them there some how right? So sad Simon has already gaduated to toddler.
As for the penis talk…it’s constant in this house. MOM look how I can fold my epins back into and it doesn’t hurt? Mom Why don’t you have a penis?…it makes it easier to pee outside. One day my penis is gonna be a big as Daddy’s…etc. Boys like their tool I guess…Batman Comments?
LOL!
😉

13 Dean Dad April 13, 2005 at 1:52 pm

Absolutely perfect. This one was so good, I actually dragged my wife (who has no use for blogs generally) to read it. We both laughed out loud.
Keep it for those early dating years. Great blackmail material.

14 Batman April 13, 2005 at 2:50 pm

Controversy? Sensitive?! lol
As a man with both a penis and a brain, I felt it was my duty to stand up for penises everywhere. Ktcakes took off the gloves with her comments on brains and power (She started it! She started it!). Heehee.
Now don’t get me wrong, I put my tights on one leg at a time just like any other man…um…superhero. I don’t want to get into a long, drawn-out debate over the virtues of penishood. This is not a 12 step program and I’m not on a soapbox. I, for one, am very happy with my penis and I think it’s quite happy with me. Over the years, I think we’ve come to realize our interdependence. Someday, this penis is going to rule the world and then…and then…well, you’ll see.
How did this conversation defenerate so quickly.
Whew, all this penis talk is making me tired. HeeHee

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