Today, we whine. Consider yourself warned. If you’re not in the mood for it (and I certainly don’t blame you), move along and we’ll see you again in a few days when I’ve gotten over myself. But today, we whine. We whine because I am tired and grumpy and in just a bit of a state and it’s my damn blog and if you don’t like it stop reading then. See, just a little bit cranky.
We are whining because I am so very sick of having to be responsible all the time, to be careful, to be cognizant, to have to keep impulses under control and be mindful of the bottom line and think of the consequences of my actions. (Hmmm, maybe this is my inner 14 year old having a rebellious day? In reading this, it sounds like what I want to be is a teenager.) I’m so very tired of being on the run all the time, hurrying to get to work, to get my work done, to make it to the bus on time, to get home, to get dinner ready, to get the kitchen cleaned and spend some ‘quality time’ (gag) with the kids, balancing my guilt for not being with them all day with my desperate desire to get them into bed so I can just stop moving for a few minutes. My life is a freakin’ treadmill powered by guilt.
Another thing that has me royally pissed is that I’ve gained SIX pounds since I started back to work. SIX! There should be a rule, if you are feeling really stressed you should be able to self-medicate with chips and cokes and oreos and not gain weight. So not only do I have to watch what I eat, but now I have to find some time to exercise to halt and reverse this unseemly trend.
There is a gym in the mall I walk through to get to work, but even if I did commit to getting up an hour earlier a couple of times a week to work out (which, while it pains me to lose more sleep, has a certain appeal as I do miss regular workouts in my life) I don’t think we have room in the budget for a gym membership.
So there’s not enough time, not enough sleep, not enough money and too many calories. I think that about covers it.
(If you’re still here, thanks for reading this far. I feel better now. Come back tomorrow and we’ll have a nice civilized discussion about preschooler idiosyncracies and the wonders of Google . I’m going to hide under my desk and and drink my coffee and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist for a little while.)
I soooo hear you…
A couple of months/years/decades ago, my wonderful wife was kind enough to take all 3 boys away for a weekend. 48 hours of non-parenting bliss. This information became public with some neighbours and friends. The van had pulled out of the driveway about 15 minutes earlier and the telephone started to ring. It was my male friends calling, decent honourable friends. Rinnnng “hey bud, wife and kids are out of town wanna head out tonight. Riinnng “so the boys are coming over tonight, why don’t you come and hang with is…. so forth and so on.
I said no to all invites. Don’t get me wrong here, I really appreciated the calls; I really liked the fact that they wanted my company. The truth was all I wanted to do was be alone. I wanted to sit and read, I wanted to play on the computer (which I might add was wired with VOIP and I was talking to other friends over the Internet while playing. Come on look at my name I am Übergeek after all).
Some of them got miffed, they did not understand my want, no need, to be alone and not have to answer to anyone else’s needs or time frames.
DG I so understand what you are talking about.
I hear you, and completely understand. If I pause to contemplate the structure of my day (and how much longer it will be like this), I tend to get overwhelmed. So I try to turn off the analyst part of my brain and just let the schedule propel me forward. What’s that line about the unexamined life not being worth living? Well, sometimes, for me, not examining is the best way to go.
Not a whine Dani, just an accurate portrayl of the life and times of mother’s in 2005. I could add an addendum regarding the guilt and frustration of a SAHM, and I think we would cover the angst of all mothers in one blog entry. Not bad for a days work, not bad at all..
(Heaving a big sigh) I guess misery really does love company – you guys are great. At least now I can’t convince myself that just mommies or even just WOHM mommies have the corner on this particular market.
Suzanne, I think you have the answer: STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Great advice, really. Thanks!
(but I’m still gonna hide out under my desk for a while longer, if you don’t mind, at least until I run out of coffee…)
xo Danigirl
I just did slush therapy with another mom outside of our school this morning. We talked and talked, standing in the slush. It would have been even better if I had remembered to wear boots. (My feet almost froze in my dress shoes.) But it felt sooooooo gooooood to talk to that mom, I would have gladly lost a toe or two for the chance to vent. Next time you step in the slush, give yourself a virtual hug from me. 🙂
“not enough time, not enough sleep, not enough money and too many calories” – you hit the nail on the head. Great post – I’m right there hiding under the desk with you.
yesterday was one of those days running around like a chicken with no head trying to accomplish too much in too little time, come to think of it…a pretty normal day. Dh comes home to the usual chaos: me trying to get supper ready for everyone, grumpy kids, helping the oldest with yet again another school project (you’ll be writing a blog about these one day, sigh) and so on when he announces ” after supper tonight we can settle and watch the Amazing Race” to which i respond “I’ve been LIVING the Amazing Race today!!!!”
at least you can hide under your desk for a bit, I’ve tried that here but they find me in a mere seconds 😉
hugs from a fellow commiserator