"Getting To Know Me" Questionnaire for The Winter Holiday of Your Choice Blog Bonanza

The inimitable Marla has drawn up a questionnaire for the Holiday (yatta yatta) Extravaganza. Holy crap, she writes harder questions than my Business Admin prof in university! After picking away at it all weekend, it’s about as good as it’s going to get.

If I could get away with it, I’d steal Pier One’s entire product line, because damn it, it should be mine.

I sometimes buy those Home & Style type magazine(s), because I lust after a house that looks like it was decorated on purpose and not by random acts of chance and afterthought.

If you came over to my house to play and broke my red crayon, I’d be a little bit mad at you forever.

The colour mauve should only be used in fungal remedy packaging or if human waste were to be redesigned.

The colour sunshine yellow makes my heart feel like it is full of happy kittens frolicking in a sunny, grassy meadow.

Golf makes me break out in gooberous pustules (or else I just don’t like it, but I’m too nice to say it.)

I might get sick or die if I touch or ingest polyester or look at ribbon geese.

Sponge Bob Square Pants gives me the heebie jeebies and I might need to seek therapy if I even think about it further.

I love the feel of high thread-count cotton sheets washed 100 times so much I have a primitive urge to stick some down my pants.

No one should have to watch me eat homemade shortbread because really If I were eating some in private, I’d be quite a pig about it.

I would rather chew tinfoil and shave my head with a cheese grater than eat egg nog and Christmas cake.

I DO DON’T follow recipes because I am hopelessly unimaginative when it comes to cooking and a little bit afraid of the kitchen.

For Marla, “White Shoulders” perfume will always smell like her laid-out dead grandmother. I feel that way about almost all perfumes.

If I could, I’d perfume my own farts and those of my loved ones with the scent of vanilla, burning leaves, raspberries, or clean babies.

I have TOO MANY /TOO MUCH OF bath salt/home spa thingees, and not enough decorative containers. (I have a serious container fetish – boxes, jars, vases, flowerpots, bowls, whatever.)

Gadgets are for deserving bloggers who have been extra good this year! (Ahem, yes, that’s me.)

When people have kind, sweet and nice things about me, they’re usually talking about (who cares what they’re talking about – whatever it is, I’m lapping it up like milk.)

I can’t be upset if people dis me about the fact that I am easily placated by shiny objects and pretty colours because it’s true.

If I could have any talent in the world, I’d choose to be able to stop time and use it to get more done in a day – then steal more time for myself.

You are given an hour and twenty dollars to spend in one of these places, childfree. Choose one, or write your own: (I couldn’t choose, only narrow it down to three good choices.)

• A flea market, where you might find neat treasures and still have enough left over for some home made baked goods from that nice granny’s table.
• A picturesque pub, where a couple of great drinks and a nice tip might lead to some interesting conversations.
• A craft show, because you really need to find a few more things made from twigs and yarn.
• A gourmet food store, because food for the tummy is food for the soul.
• A fancy and expensive boutique, because you’d rather have one lipstick from a great place than ten lipsticks from a dollar store.
• Wherever! Whatever! Just give the twenty dollars to whomever’s caring for the offspring so you can have more time to yourself!

And here’s the last chance to make sure that you’re not going to get a “Jelly of the Month” club membership when you’re expecting your bonus for a swimming pool: It is important to me that the items chosen for me are shiny or sparkly or colourful or yummy and really not terribly practical at all.(Examples: respect my Wal-Mart boycott, are vegan, aren’t made by child or sweatshop labour, can be stuffed down my pants)

And If I could suggest that you read only one post from my archives, this would be it: (Just one? What, you don’t reread the whole archive every week? Well, this one will do.)

And If I were to name the Holiday of my choice for this exchange, it would be: the all-presents all the time hedonism fest. (Please feel free to make one up – but this is your chance to say “Um, I’m Jewish but that doesn’t mean give me dreidels!” or “More Santa decorations please – I only have thirty-seven now.” or “Winter and gifts yes; religious denominations, no – if only all cards could be like those politically correct corporate holiday wishes!” if you want to.)

Categories: HolidayBlogExtravaganza