Loss

Small victories

27 November 2006 It IS all about me

Much to my relief, not only did I manage to do up my fat jeans today, but I wore them all day. It’s amazing what a relief that is. And, I haven’t cried since Friday. Well, there was one weepy moment during a Christmas song, but that’s not unusual for me at the best of […]

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Post script – part one (of many)

25 November 2006 It IS all about me

While I was out this morning, Beloved took a call for me. On Monday morning, just before my OB appointment, I had gone to have my second and final bloodwork done for the integrated prenatal screening. The call this morning was the children’s hospital, informing me of my appointment first thing Tuesday morning with a […]

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Mood swings

24 November 2006 It IS all about me

I’ve been trying to write something all day, but whatever I’m feeling one minute I’m feeling the opposite the next, and it’s hard to generalize the flavour of a day that way. So why do I even feel I have to write anything? I admit, I’m beginning to see the point of people who think […]

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Thank you

23 November 2006 Loss

I’m overwhelmed by your collective kindness. Beloved and I and even my mother are simply in awe of your support, of how many of you have taken the time to offer support, share your experiences, or just send a word of condolence. Thank you simply doesn’t cover it. Physically, I’m doing surprisingly well. (You would […]

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Adding insult to injury

22 November 2006 Loss

Warning: this will not be a pretty post. You don’t have to read it, but I have to write it. I’m sorry. I wish this could all just be over. If I can’t have it back, I at least wish it would hurry up and be done. They’ve scheduled my D&C for 3 pm today. […]

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Random attempts to cope

21 November 2006 Loss

The hardest part for me right now is making sense of what happened. By all measures, this was an exceptionally healthy pregnancy: the high early betas; the fact that the risk of miscarriage falls to less than 5% after that first ultrasound showing the heartbeat; the initial integrated prenatal screening results that were, in the […]

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It’s over – a miscarriage

20 November 2006 Loss

I went in for a routine OB appointment today. I was delighted when she told me to hop up on the table so we could ‘take a listen’ – I had completely forgotten I should now be far enough along to hear the baby’s heartbeat on the doppler. Except she couldn’t find it, and so […]

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Saying goodbye to frostie

2 August 2006 Frostie

I’ve always believed in a greater order to the universe, if not in an actual higher power. Not exactly fate, because I believe we do control our own destinies. But I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. That makes it only marginally easier to say goodbye to frostie. No need to pee on […]

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I have no idea what to call this post

1 August 2006 Frostie

I’ve spent a lot of this past week and a half pretty much obsessed with my breasts. They’ve always been the canary in the coal mine, my first indicator of pregnancy. As such, I must have groped myself several thousand times since frostie became toastie. There are entire freshman classes at large universities who have […]

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The big infertility story

29 December 2005 Infertility

I’ve been thinking for a while about telling you our infertility and IVF story, and I figure now is as good a time as any. Most of you are busy eating leftover turkey and shopping for deals at the outlet stores, so we’re into light blogging mode. It’s a long story, so much so that […]

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