I’ve spent a lot of this past week and a half pretty much obsessed with my breasts. They’ve always been the canary in the coal mine, my first indicator of pregnancy. As such, I must have groped myself several thousand times since frostie became toastie. There are entire freshman classes at large universities who have experienced less groping that I have groped my own breasts this week.
Despite the fact that they should have been bruised from all the groping, my breasts were sending some pretty strong ‘not pregnant’ unsignals up until Sunday afternoon.
Here’s a nickle’s worth of free advice for you. In the middle of the two week wait, during a fertility treatment cycle, do NOT randomly choose to wear a bra that you haven’t worn in three months. You will be driven to the brink of insanity trying to figure out if the change in the consistency of your breasts is due to the hormone fluctuations of early pregnancy, or a too-small cup size of an ill-fitting bra.
So I broke down Monday morning and peed on a stick. And despite my best efforts to conjure a second line out of the urine-soaked ether, it was quite obviously negative. I peered at it until I was cross-eyed, looking at it flat on, at an angle, and under four kinds of light – the only thing I lacked was a black light – before finally accepting the fact that the second line was simply not going to appear.
I threw it in the garbage, crawled back into bed (did I mention this was all at 4:30 in the morning?) then stumbled back to the bathroom and checked it yet again. Still negative. I laid it carefully on the bathroom counter, remembering tales of seemingly-negative tests left to ferment on the counter for hours that magically materialized as positive later in the day. But it didn’t.
But I was still feeling pretty hopeful, because Day 11 of a cycle is still on the early side. And when you’re an infernal optimist, you don’t give up that easily. Besides, my breasts remained convinced I was pregnant, and who can argue with a breast?
So I peed on a stick in the wee hours of this morning, too. No big finish here – it was negative, too. And while it’s only 24 hours later, this one has the weight of finality for me. This is the one that made a few tears of regret slide down my cheeks, because now I believe it. I think it’s done.
I’ll still pee on my remaining sticks, at least until tomorrow, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t will even the faintest hint of a positive out of those evil pee sticks, and it seems to have been enough to convince my breasts that they’re not pregnant, either.
Don’t console me now, because I’m still holding out until the blood test on Friday. Hey, you never know. But if you want to post a comment, wish me a happy birthday instead. Thirty seven years ago today, I started out on this crazy trip, despite my best efforts to the contrary. (I was late, and breech, and they had to come in and get me. Stubborn from the day I was born.) I love birthdays, and don’t know why people don’t like to celebrate them. Today of all days is my day, and that’s worth celebrating.
{ 80 comments… read them below or add one }
Happiest of Birthdays to you Dani!
Everything else that I’m trying to say isn’t coming out quite right…
Barb
Happiest of Birthdays to you Dani!
Everything else that I’m trying to say isn’t coming out quite right…
Barb
I just wanted to say:
Sorry. Probably.
and
Happy Birthday. Definitely.
Enjoy yourself. Celebrate. Do not let what may not have happened destroy what has.
I just wanted to say:
Sorry. Probably.
and
Happy Birthday. Definitely.
Enjoy yourself. Celebrate. Do not let what may not have happened destroy what has.
Happy Birthday!
(and fingers are still crossed)
Happy Birthday!
(and fingers are still crossed)
Happy Birthday!
I hope this time around the sun is the best yet!
Happy Birthday!
I hope this time around the sun is the best yet!
Happy Birthday, Dani. We’re going to call and sing to you later, if you allow it. (I should warn you now, our team singing is not pretty.)
Wanna bring the boys down for lunch?
Happy Birthday, Dani. We’re going to call and sing to you later, if you allow it. (I should warn you now, our team singing is not pretty.)
Wanna bring the boys down for lunch?
Happy, Happy Birthday Dani!!!!
May your boyz smother you with LOVE and SWEETS all day and all year like you so deserve!
Happy, Happy Birthday Dani!!!!
May your boyz smother you with LOVE and SWEETS all day and all year like you so deserve!
Hapyy Birthday Dani!
May the coming year bring you nothing but happiness, joy and light!
Hapyy Birthday Dani!
May the coming year bring you nothing but happiness, joy and light!
Hmmm, do I want to go all the way downtown on this stinkin’ hot day, to the office of all places, or do I want to spend the day at the beach?
Sorry Kerry. You’re the best boss ever, but you’re no match for sun, cool water, and potato chips with sand on them.
(But I’m all over the group singing! All must worship me with song, cakes and presents – every day, but especially on my birthday.)
And thanks to the rest of you for your wishes and sweet comments. Really, thanks.
Hmmm, do I want to go all the way downtown on this stinkin’ hot day, to the office of all places, or do I want to spend the day at the beach?
Sorry Kerry. You’re the best boss ever, but you’re no match for sun, cool water, and potato chips with sand on them.
(But I’m all over the group singing! All must worship me with song, cakes and presents – every day, but especially on my birthday.)
And thanks to the rest of you for your wishes and sweet comments. Really, thanks.
Happy B-day Dani … !
You have two lovely boys who are pumped full of love for their mummy. Especially today. Lucky girl.
Happy B-day Dani … !
You have two lovely boys who are pumped full of love for their mummy. Especially today. Lucky girl.
Happy, happy birthday!
Happy, happy birthday!
That’s probably a good choice, Dani. The a/c isnt’ working all that well in the office this week. Bear that in mind when you dress for your first day back.
We’re calling you, and if you’re not home we’re leaving a message.
That’s probably a good choice, Dani. The a/c isnt’ working all that well in the office this week. Bear that in mind when you dress for your first day back.
We’re calling you, and if you’re not home we’re leaving a message.
Happy Birthday!!!! Do something lovely for yourself today, okay?
(And do not POAS for the rest of the day!! Give it more time.)
((((((BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS))))))))
Happy Birthday!!!! Do something lovely for yourself today, okay?
(And do not POAS for the rest of the day!! Give it more time.)
((((((BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS))))))))
Happy birthday to you… Enjoy your beach picnic with the boys! It’s a great place to reflect on how lucky you are 🙂
Happy birthday to you… Enjoy your beach picnic with the boys! It’s a great place to reflect on how lucky you are 🙂
Wow – a birthday bevvy of wishes beofre 9:30 AM…you deserve to enjoy your day, being as it truly is…YOUR day.
Happy birthday my friend.
xoxo
Wow – a birthday bevvy of wishes beofre 9:30 AM…you deserve to enjoy your day, being as it truly is…YOUR day.
Happy birthday my friend.
xoxo
Well it is a record setting day today in Ottawa. The temperature is going to be the hottest it has ever been on this day. It only figures that your birthday would land on a record setting day!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Not saying anything about the other thing except I POAS on day 11, 12 and 13 and only got the faintest positive on day 13 using those POAS.
We love you.
Well it is a record setting day today in Ottawa. The temperature is going to be the hottest it has ever been on this day. It only figures that your birthday would land on a record setting day!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Not saying anything about the other thing except I POAS on day 11, 12 and 13 and only got the faintest positive on day 13 using those POAS.
We love you.
Cake! Birthday cake! With ice cream, and sprinkles, and candles, and maybe some champagne.
Happy birthday.
Cake! Birthday cake! With ice cream, and sprinkles, and candles, and maybe some champagne.
Happy birthday.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Definitely happy birthday – I hope Beloved and the boys spoil you 🙂
Definitely happy birthday – I hope Beloved and the boys spoil you 🙂
Blow Horns! Throw Confetti! eat Cake hopefully a DQ Frozen treat on such a hot day! And Party! I agree I love to celebrate my birthday (Which, Ahem, is in 22 days) It’s the only day which you can call your own. I bet you getting you the best and cutest Mommy ever from the boys. And what could be better than that!?!
Sorry about the stick. I call them the EVIL Stick and never believed them anyways.
So what kind of chips are you eating? YUMMMM..
Happy Birthday Dani!
(I sent you an email just before I came here…I actaully got it right!)
Blow Horns! Throw Confetti! eat Cake hopefully a DQ Frozen treat on such a hot day! And Party! I agree I love to celebrate my birthday (Which, Ahem, is in 22 days) It’s the only day which you can call your own. I bet you getting you the best and cutest Mommy ever from the boys. And what could be better than that!?!
Sorry about the stick. I call them the EVIL Stick and never believed them anyways.
So what kind of chips are you eating? YUMMMM..
Happy Birthday Dani!
(I sent you an email just before I came here…I actaully got it right!)
I am squishing any bad thoughts into a tiny twisted and moist mess in one hot sweaty palm held behind my back; and all of the good Happy Birthday thoughts are held out on my palm like a butterfly waving its wings in the sun in front of you and I am smiling my biggest smile, in which you can see my greatest hopes for you.
I am squishing any bad thoughts into a tiny twisted and moist mess in one hot sweaty palm held behind my back; and all of the good Happy Birthday thoughts are held out on my palm like a butterfly waving its wings in the sun in front of you and I am smiling my biggest smile, in which you can see my greatest hopes for you.
Happy Birthday Dani.
We’ve never met but since you share my husband’s birthday (though he was born in 1968) I figure there is some kind of kindred connection.
Enjoy your smiling cherubs and the sunshine. Today’s your day!
Myra
Happy Birthday Dani.
We’ve never met but since you share my husband’s birthday (though he was born in 1968) I figure there is some kind of kindred connection.
Enjoy your smiling cherubs and the sunshine. Today’s your day!
Myra
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Dani!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear Dani!
Happy birthday to you!
Happiest of Birthday’s my friend!! Now go throw on a striped turtleneck, a polka dot skirt, and enjoy a great day at the beach….you deserve it!
Happiest of Birthday’s my friend!! Now go throw on a striped turtleneck, a polka dot skirt, and enjoy a great day at the beach….you deserve it!
Happy Birthday Dani!!
Happy Birthday Dani!!
Have a great birthday! I, too, love to celebrate my own birthdays and am perplexed by those who dread each one.
Happy, Happy Birthday!
Have a great birthday! I, too, love to celebrate my own birthdays and am perplexed by those who dread each one.
Happy, Happy Birthday!
Delurking to wish you a happy birthday!
I feel for you with the pregnancy tests. I remember that feeling very well.
Delurking to wish you a happy birthday!
I feel for you with the pregnancy tests. I remember that feeling very well.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DANI…
happy birthday to you!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DANI…
happy birthday to you!
It’s your birth day, your special day, a celebration of dani the amazing person that you are. Only happy thoughts allowed today.
many hugs and warm friendly wishes for teh birthday girl 🙂
It’s your birth day, your special day, a celebration of dani the amazing person that you are. Only happy thoughts allowed today.
many hugs and warm friendly wishes for teh birthday girl 🙂
Happy, happy birthday. May your day be filled with laughter and kisses.
Happy, happy birthday. May your day be filled with laughter and kisses.
Happy, happy day to you!
Happy, happy day to you!
Happy, happy Birthday, Dani! I hope you have a nice, relaxing one.
Happy, happy Birthday, Dani! I hope you have a nice, relaxing one.
Happy Birthday my friend.. 😉
Happy Birthday my friend.. 😉
Happy Birthday, Dani!
Happy Birthday, Dani!
This is totally your day! I’m with you. Celebrate your ass off (and maybe let Beloved feel your boobs, yu know, for a change! 😉 )
This is totally your day! I’m with you. Celebrate your ass off (and maybe let Beloved feel your boobs, yu know, for a change! 😉 )
Happy birthday Dani.
Eat cake and enjoy your gorgeous family.
Pee sticks be damned.
Happy birthday Dani.
Eat cake and enjoy your gorgeous family.
Pee sticks be damned.
Happy Birthday, Dani! I hope you’re having a wonderful day.
Happy Birthday, Dani! I hope you’re having a wonderful day.
Happy, happy, happy birthday, Dani!
Happy, happy, happy birthday, Dani!
Bonne Fête mon amie! I know… cut the french crap… your on vacation!!! Hope you had a great b-day today… and although it sounds grim about the toastie situation, I am still crossing my fingers for you!
Bonne Fête mon amie! I know… cut the french crap… your on vacation!!! Hope you had a great b-day today… and although it sounds grim about the toastie situation, I am still crossing my fingers for you!
Happy belated birthday – we thought about you all day!
As for the suspenseful part of your life -if disappointment prevails, when you look around at the dinner table, or snuggle up with the boys at bed time, you will be reminded of the successes in your life.
Still hoping for both of you, though!
Happy belated birthday – we thought about you all day!
As for the suspenseful part of your life -if disappointment prevails, when you look around at the dinner table, or snuggle up with the boys at bed time, you will be reminded of the successes in your life.
Still hoping for both of you, though!
Wow – I’m speechless. Okay, not really, but nearly.
Thank you – all of you! Who knew I only had to marry up the sympathy vote with the celebratory wish-fishing to garner the most comments ever on a single post?
Seriously, thank you. By taking the time to comment, you each added a little yellow rose of frosting on a very happy birthday cake. Thanks!
Wow – I’m speechless. Okay, not really, but nearly.
Thank you – all of you! Who knew I only had to marry up the sympathy vote with the celebratory wish-fishing to garner the most comments ever on a single post?
Seriously, thank you. By taking the time to comment, you each added a little yellow rose of frosting on a very happy birthday cake. Thanks!