Second week of school, and I’m no longer welcome in the school yard. Well, not just me. In fact, no parents are welcome in the school yard. But, I have decided to take it personally.
I can see why the school has asked parents to drop their kids off at the school yard fence instead of walking them to the back door, as we have been doing. They have no idea who is a parent and who is not, and their first priority has to be keeping the kids safe. It’s only a couple-50 meters difference, and the school yard is supervised the last quarter-hour before the bell rings.
I still hate it. And worse, Tristan hates it. He said it makes him sad, which breaks my heart. He liked it when we hung around with him, waiting for the bell to ring. Now we kiss him off in a crush of kids bottlenecking through the gate instead of near the door where he queues up. Myself, I liked the time before and after school where I could scope out the other kids and their parents, and maybe even strike up a conversation with the familiar faces. It’s been nice being able to get to know the kids in his class and some of their parents over the last couple of months.
The funny thing is that in not traversing that final couple of meters across the school yard, we’ve cut a significant amount of our morning walk. If I’m only going to be escorting him to and from the school yard fence, I’m seriously wondering whether it’s worth doing at all. In other words, I’m wondering if at six he’s old enough to walk to and from school on his own.
What do you think? I’m torn on this one. Myself, I walked back and forth from the time I was four years old, and it was twice or three times the distance that Tristan has to walk. (And it was uphill both ways, in 10 feet of snow, and I had to park my dinosaur at the stable around the corner.) I don’t fear for his safety in any way, and I find that in general, Tristan’s a smart and responsible kid. I’m more than half-way inclined to let him try it.
But. But, but, but. It’s always the niggling little voice of worry that does me in. What if? What if something happened, what if he got lost (he can actually see the house for the entire walk and knows the neighbourhood like the back of his hand), what if something even more awful happened?
I’d be inclined to let him try it in the mornings (why do mornings seem less threatening, less full of potential mischief?) but I have to walk Simon over there anyway. It only really makes sense to let him walk home by himself after school. I’m sure he’d be fine, absolutely positive. But.
There are other options. I see tonnes of kids wandering by the house each morning and afternoon on their own treks to school, so I could try to find an older kid to escort him home in the afternoons. And I love the idea of the “walking school bus” so if I were feeling really keen, I could even try to organize something like this.
What do you think? How old is old enough to walk to or from school by yourself?
Our school has the same rule and I have to admit to having had mixed feelings about it. But I understand the schools reasons (like you) and I abide by it. I wish all parents did, it is one of my pet peeves that not all parents follow the rule. Safety is the biggest concern and if there are too many adults mulling around things get confusing.
About the pickup. Sounds like you are really close to the school. I would say maybe if you stood at the end of the driveway when the school let out and he could walk home with you watching him. That is probably what I would do. He would probably be happy to see you anyhow and run to give you a hug. I LOVE those after school hugs 🙂
I was thinking something similar — if you can see him from the doorway or the driveway, that makes a good start on deciding if he can do it by himself. You’ll miss out on the parent chatter at the fence, but you can get that in the morning. And you won’t have to wrap Lucas up in the deep of winter, or drag him out of a nap.
Unless he might run toward you for that hug without looking around for cars or other obstacles.
My captcha: Morrow man. Like tomorrow man (Tristan grows up!) but much hipper.
We were told that we could walk our Kindergarten children in the first day which was a Friday, and the second day just because it was a Monday and then no more of that. So, that’s what I did except on Monday my son said, “I don’t really need you, I know where to go”. So, I didn’t go.
However, I see no less than 25 parents in the afternoons going in to retrieve their children and probably closer to 40 still walking their kids into the building in the morning.
So, while I can let him out at the front door (no way we can walk, it’s 6 miles), it still perturbs me when I follow the rules and other folks don’t care about them and aren’t made to follow the rules.
However, while I’m being snippity about rules, you should read about our little family vacation where I kept my child out of school 4 days and the principal decided I was a good person to enforce a rule upon….but those 40 some odd people who walk their kids inside in the morning….nah, let them go, they might be someone important, I”m just lil ol’ me. You can read it…..
http://www.momisteaching.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=660
and
http://www.momisteaching.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=661
If you can see him, OK, but I wouldn’t let him out of my sight until he hits or returns from school property. My husband had a narrow escape when walking home alone froms school as a child and I’m sure he’ll be walking our daughter to school until she goes to uni!
i let my older son walk to and from school starting when he was seven. of course we’d practiced the walk and all the contingencies endlessly…
Hi Dani, Love your blog and your topic. I’m a mother of three 16, 13 and 10 and I have to say I wouldn’t give up that time walking back and forth with your six year old. Although he may seem old enough, time goes fast and believe me all the quality time you can get with your children is still never enough, that and for safety reasons. My children were bused to school for 10 years with the stop right out my door, there I would be even after they were old enough to go outside and cross the street, I would be standing at the window watching and waving goodbye every morning and at the window or outside as the bus arrived to greet them. It was the only little bit of time I had to talk of their day or give advice in the morning before friends started calling or homework and dinner needed to be started. I now homeschool all three of my children as we decided to take our home business mobile and travel Ontario Parks doing various things including volunteering our time. We have been doing this since January/08 and although it’s tough at times spending 24/7 with three kids, I know these times will not be here forever and I’ll be able to look back and they will look back and cherish these mements we had to spend together.
Your son until he expresses he would rather spend the time walking to school only with his friends, I wouldn’t give up those last few years you may have to spend these precious moments with.
Keep up the great blog and I am favoriting it in my twitter.
Stay Safe Stay Strong my fellow motherhood friend
my ten year old is only NOW going back and forth to school and we are only two blocks. He is allowed as long as he is with a friend. Not a chance I would have let him in grade one. And I will not allow my grade two to go, even with his ten year old brother. Sorry – there are too many scary people out there. Then again, I am not bundling a baby up.
Interesting difference in policy from our school. Children are released directly to their parents ( or supposedly since the policy is not really air tight) in the earlier grades. We are all on the school grounds right in front of the door – it is great for developing relationships with the parents of the kids your child plays with.
I am a paranoid mother and didn’t let my older 2 kids walk alone to school until they were in grade 5. This was because there had been a child death at the intersection they had to cross, and I work in the EMS environment. Personally I just was not able to cope with taking a chance. But I realize I am probably unrealistic due to my profession.
I do like the little chit chat that goes on during the walk ( albeit short) because once you’re in the house things get chaotic with homework, playing, supper, etc.
I also feel that no matter how old the child is, picking them up shows that they’re important. I still will do this for my 17 year old when possible and grab a little one-on-one time with him.
(Please nobody take offense to what I am saying as I am not preaching to others or criticizing – this is only what I feel)
I can’t quite get past fact that parents aren’t allowed in your schoolyard. WHAT? Is that the norm? That’s nutty. Talk about cultivating an environment of fear. The odds that someone will – in broad daylight – come into a busy, supervised, play yard to steal a kid or two are infentissimal. We have to (and I’m certainly counting myself here!) stop being so paranoid. But it’s hard. I know. *sigh*
re: walking to school issue.
As parents we need to judge whether or not he’d be crossing streets or not. Only you know your own kid (not to mention your urban layout&traffic). Does he look before he crosses the street? Does he know not to pet stray dogs? Does he understand the idea that he has to go right to school, etc? If you know the answers, by all means, send him. It’ll be a big boost for his confidence.
It’s also true what other commenters have said about the time and the chit chat. It really is a nice thing. Maybe you can do both? Designate M,W,Fri as days with Mum. And the others as solo days?
I’d let him walk with a group. I think 6 is too young to walk all alone.
When I was a kid- we walked three miles through broken glass and knives uphill in a blizzard…..oh- that was my dad, not me.
We don’t have school busses here. We don’t have neighborhood campuses. You have kind of no choice but to drive your kids to school.
I think elementary school is too young to walk alone. And with all the whacko’s and bad drivers…I think any age is too young- but by middle school, you just gotta have faith.
I haven’t gotten there yet so I don’t know for sure what I would do, but I remember walking to school by myself starting when I was 6, and it was the better part of a km. There was one big intersection but there was a crossing guard there, and I was fine.
If you think he can handle it and it’s close enough that you can see the school it seems to be it should be ok. I would probably wait in the driveway or partway at the beginning.
Do you think he would like the responsibility?
Thinking about it I realize just how much things have changed because I think of my mother as being a really big worrywart and overprotective, but I was still walking a long way along every day. It’s interesting.
I think the advice about basing your decision on your child, and what kind of a kid you know him to be, is great. Some six years olds would be fine, some not – you’re the best one to decide about your own kid.
That being said, I think it’s good to remember that how risky we feel something is is often not based on fact, but on our perceptions. It feels like letting a six year old walk two blocks to school alone is really risky – he could get snatched by a stranger or run down crossing the street. But we drive our kids around in the car all the time. That’s about the riskiest thing we can do, but it feels normal and safe.
So yeah, if you feel like he’s ready, do a couple of trial runs and then let him go for it.
At my school, parents aren’t really encouraged to stay around once the morning supervision duty begins 15 minutes before school. It helps us identify which adults belong there and which don’t (and I can guarantee that every school has at least one student who is not allowed to go with a non-custodial parent).
But most importantly, not every parents knows what appropriate behaviour on the school yard is, or how to interact appropriately with other children — we’ve had some incidents in which parents have inappropriately disciplined students (not their own kids), or have encouraged behaviour we don’t allow on our school yard, for example.
Also, our school’s policy is to release primary children (kinder to grade 3) directly to an adult or to a child in grade 4 or higher — and the people who usually pick up are identified at the start of the year and anyone else needs to have a note in the agenda before we release them. It is part of our Safe School policy. This is my 4th year at the school, and so far we’ve only had 1 parent insist their grade 3 child could walk home alone, and the school had the parent put it in writing.
I think that only local people can answer this question. 6yos either walk to school by themselves for your particular distance, locally, or they don’t. None of us in other places can know.
Of course I walked to school by myself starting in kindergarten. It was three houses to the corner, there were three houses perched on the edge of the school property, but it was a long block’s walk to the entrance and no, my mom couldn’t see me.
But — autres temps, autres moeurs.
Let us know what the custom is in your neck of the woods.