And you thought I’d gotten over the angst-ridden navel-gazing that has predominated the past month or so. Ha, I mock your naivité. In my world, there is ALWAYS something else over which to fret.
I think I might be in the market for a new child care provider.
Our decision to consider changing (could I possible hedge any more?) isn’t precipitated on anything cataclysmic, which almost makes it harder. The boys love their current care provider so much they call her ‘auntie’. They’ve been with her since Tristan was 16 months old, and way back then Tristan was the only child in her care. But lately, it seems like every month there are new kids there. She has two of her own, both school-age, plus my two (although Tristan is in school half time), plus two more preschool boys, plus one or two toddlers, and a handful of other kids under six on a rotating basis. A lot of them are part-time or kids of shift workers, so they’re not all there all the time, but the house always seems full to capacity. She has a helper, but still – that’s a crazy amount of kids. There’s one new kid in particular who is rambunctious and rough, and the boys complain about him regularly. This week, he broke one of Tristan’s new Christmas toys, and the boys have said he likes to run into them and knock them down. Not an ideal situation.
Last August, the caregiver took a two week vacation and we had to find substitute care. Both Tristan and Simon still talk longingly about when they went to Tanya’s house, and how much they liked her. Unfortunately, she only had openings for the summer, and is too far from us to consider for regular care. However, I find this above everything else very telling. It was a week and a half over five months ago, and they still ask about her.
But – and, isn’t there always a ‘but’? – my fear of change is banging a gong of alarm at the idea of finding a new caregiver. What if a new caregiver isn’t as flexible, or as loving, or as patient? What if we make a really bad choice and she’s an axe murderer, or she lets them watch Barney?
But then, cries the barely-repressed optimist, maybe Mary Poppins is just around the corner, waiting with cuddles and crafts and nutritious meals for two loveable boys to complete her otherwise perfect life. Hey, it could happen!
Most of my friends have struggled with daycare, going through several providers and even being stuck without anyone and having to miss work to cover off, which makes me even more leery to risk our current stable, if not ideal, arrangement. It’s the old “devil you know versus the devil you don’t” connundrum.
And it’s hard to find the perfect daycare provider when you are forced into it because you change neighbourhoods, or your caregiver closes up shop, or something like that. But to willfully bring on the experience of not only searching for the right caregiver, but then making the transition and then learning to live with the peccadilloes of another person taking care of your most precious possession… ugh. I must be crazy to even think about it.
But I can no longer ignore the whispers of concern from my gut. Over the last several months, I’ve struggled to decide whether the idea of change was worse than the idea of stasis, and the accumulated weight of many small concerns has finally tipped the scales far enough that I’m tentatively looking for a new care provider. I’ve put up ads on two popular free online services, and had a few responses already. At least I have the luxury of being able to take my time and find what is hopefully a perfect fit.
Hey, at the very least I can milk the hell out of this for some good blog fodder, right?
Sounds similar to what happened to us. Our caregiver was so great with Sarah, until she bought a new house (read: bigger mortgage payments) and started adding more and more kids. Fewer and fewer crafts came home and Sarah started talking about TV shows she’d never seen at home. I say go with your gut, Dani – time to move on. Good luck in your search.
D –
All I can say is start now while you have the time. Its when you have pressure (time, peer, family, etc.) to make a decision that you often screw up (just remember me, kraft dinner cheese, and the Barenaked ladies). You have the luxury now of making this decision while you are still semi-satisfied, which means you have a much better chance of doing it right. And you will, if I know you at all.
As for criteria, some people say location, experience or crap like that. My top three have always been red-head, 20ish, and recent experience as a Victoria’s Secret model.
Hey Fryman, I didn’t know you were really Jude Law!!
Ah, daycare angst. How fun!
I say go with your gut. We’re dealing with kind of the opposite…our regular daycare lady is recovering from surgery. I took a few weeks unpaid (income averaging) but came back to work this week and the kids are at a temporary home until their regular is ready to take them back. I interviewed three different women and was floored by their attitudes towards childcare. The first had nine kids the day I was there. And apparently that’s not all of them. She referred to my youngest as “that one” when she saw how rambunctious he is. No affection was shown to any of the kids…its all business. Lots of scolding to stop whining and a very strict schedule. The second was just blah about the whole thing, so no. The third is very nice and is working out well so far. But there are lots of things I have to tell her to do, which I’m not used to… The whole thing makes me very thankful to have the good caregiver who spoils them rotten and I’m ITCHING to get the kids back with her.
ANYway, all that blathering to say that if it doesn’t feel right anymore and the kids aren’t as happy as they were with her in the past, maybe its time to move on.
Can you get on Tanya’s “wait list” and move there when she has openings?
I just spent a lot of blog real estate last month on angsty navel-gazing looking for daycare fodder. Only it’s my first time.
I have one lined up, but now i’ve got the old buyer’s remorse. I’m mostly happy with her (he hasn’t even started yet) but we didn’t have the luxury of any other remotely ok providers.
I’m with Fryman (well not on his criteria but on looking while you’re still ok where they are.
BTW Fryman’s comments are always great… I think he needs his own blog!
OOOOOOHHHH! I like Fryman’s suggestion. Please, Please, Please! Keep the suggestion coming Fryman.
We’ve always had MM in school-type daycare (you know, infant room, toddler room, etc.) And we found for the one we had him in from 10 weeks till last year, the place was only as good as the head-teacher of each room. He had a couple of great ones and a few so-so ones and one horrid one, which is why he’s now at Posh Place. Which he loves. And we love. And we stay in touch with the best teachers from the old place. Esp. Ms. BabyRoom who was wonderful.
So, my point is…what about pre-school? Your boys are old enough for it and they may enjoy it!
Dani, I don’t envy you one bit. I hope I never have to go through choosing someone other than me to care for my kid(s). But, I do want to say, go with your gut. When I have gut feelings about something I stead fast and do not let go.
Best Wishes.
I agree: go with your gut feeling while you have time to look into a new provider. I have my toddler at a Montessori preschool (toddler room), which pretty much kills my budget, but which is excellent in every sense and lets me go to work without having my heart break every day. (just some days) Maybe it’s worth looking into preschools in your area?
oh Dani, one of teh worst decisions for a mom and like others have said, go with your gut and start looking now while time is on your side
A lot of elementary schools around here have before and after school care and even programs for younger siblings which I’ve used in the past. Does yours have something like that?
Good luck!
I am coming in a little late on this one. Having been through 3 providers in less than a year, I feel your pain. This morning Amelia asked if she was going to Shona’s (her very first daycare provider).
If you really want to investigate other people, I can not recommendly these people HIGHLY enough. http://www.totlot.ca. Alison is a dream to work with and if you are lucky enough to get Heidi as your “supervisor” you will wonder what people ever did before these folks cam along. They do all the background checks, they drop in very regularly for unannouced visits. They provide the caregiver with all the equipment and support they need. You will do the interviewing and selection of caregiver. They have held our hands and no issue is too small for them. They really and truly want your child to be happy and safe and for you and your husband to feel right with leaving your child in someone else’s care. Send Alison an email and she will give you all the info you need to make a decision. And the cost is very comparable to other providers. Tell her I sent ya!
I haven’t read previous comments, but I may have a suggestion for you…lemme know if you are interested.
Tanya is great but you would have the same concerns – she is packed with younger kids and I am sure she is over her ratios. Also, you need to consider school zones now. Aiden will be with Amy (Tanya’s next door neighbour) once in a while so the kids could get together but, for right now, Todd and I are alternating working shift work (from 1 pm – 9 pm) on Tuesdays in order to accommodate. I also am less than impressed with our part time care giver. Out of four mornings this week Aiden has watched four full movies. Almost two hours of TV in the 4.5 hours that he is there. Sigh. The only way to get a perfect caregiver is to have it be you but you need to follow your gut.
It would not work for your oldest as he is in school half days but the Montessori program that Keegan is in in Barrhaven is wonderful. It would help prep your youngest for school. It is a budget killer though.