Back in the day, I was never keen on the concept of ‘girls night out’. Truth be told, I wasn’t much keen on the concept of having girls as friends right up until I was going through infertility hell and made connections with women who have become the amazing sorts of friends with whom you can see yourself sailing into your retirement tea and rose garden years.
I wasn’t exactly a tomboy growing up, but I was always ‘one of the guys’. I used to hate social gatherings where the girls hived off in one direction and the guys did something else, because I was always way more comfortable with the guys. It became a point of pride, my inclusion as one of them, but then it became a problem, because I would let my ex-husband get away with all sorts of disrespect in the name of not being one of those women who just didn’t understand her man and his needs. Makes my blood boil to think about it now, in hindsight.
So I arrived on the steps of the sisterhood late in life. Although my oldest and dearest friends are mostly male, it seems easier now to make acquantance and friendships with women now. And while women can be capricious and catty and duplicitous, so can I. It’s a good fit!
I say all this by way of preamble to one reason why the concept of ‘girls night out’ is relatively new to me. The other is that I don’t tend to leave the house much in the evenings anymore. I can count on one hand the number of times since Christmas that I’ve left the house after putting the boys to bed. I think Tristan was probably close to six months old before I went *anywhere* without him, even leaving him to his father’s care. We’ve never had a babysitter other than my mother (and once, I remember hazily, a family friend, I think) and even then we employ her benevolence only once every couple of months.
But really, I should get out more. Because this past Friday night, Andrea and I got together for a simple coffee (okay, so it was Starbucks and they don’t make a simple coffee – it was a vanilla latte and a vanilla mocha, I think) and a couple of hours chat, and it was terrific. We’re doing a Lunch and Learn presentation on blogging for an office downtown in a couple of weeks, and we had gotten together ostensibly to outline our game plan, but mostly it was a bloggy gossip session interspersed with some maternal anecdotes.
Who would have thought that a couple of hours of coffee and chat could be so refreshing? Granted, Andrea is one of those people who seems to always leave you in a better mood than the one in which she found you, so if you’re looking for a coffee buddy, I highly recommend her.
But I think back to the other times I’ve gone out with my girlfriends, and how no matter how much I wanted to see them, I am always initially reluctant to ask Beloved to take on the bedtime routine himself so I can get out for a bit. It’s not that I don’t want to go out, it’s that I’m hesitant to ask him to take on the extra duties. And it’s silly, because I would rarely begrudge him the same opportunity – but he’s just not that social a creature and rarely ventures out either. What a couple of hermits we are, at least after 8 pm.
But as the boys get older and less needy, I think we’ll be resuming some of our old social patterns – and working in a girl’s night out more often. Playdates and combined family dinners are great, but I forgot how nice it is to chat with someone without a preschooler dangling from my leg.
Anybody free for coffee next week? *wink*
Awww.
*blushing*
It was fun. Totally. I will coffee with you anytime!
And although I’m not a regular Starbucks client I do recommend the decaf-half-vanilla-latte to anyone who might be reading this.
You need to get out more often. I mean that in the nicest way and I’m not saying that to be funny…okay, maybe a little. I think it’s good for people to get out with friends once in a while (away from spouses) even if it’s just for a cup of coffee. Now, I’m not advocating daily or weekly soirées (sans épouse) but once in a while is healthy. Get out!
I don’t know if it’s the whole Leo/Sagitarius thing but I could have written the exact same post. I was about to brag that I got out for lunch with the girls on Sunday, but then I realized that I left after I put Amelia down for a nap and got back before she woke up and felt guilty because Jaimie couldn’t play his guitar while I was out. It’s crazy. So when am I dropping of Jaimie and Amelia to Mark so we can play? 😉
Oh dear, you will think I am a bad mom but I get out rather regularly. If not to meet a friend, just an evening to do the groceries solo is a treat. I cna run errands, or go to library, or for coffe, dinner, movie whatever – with the girls or alone.
I love that time for me, while DH does the bedtime routine. He does it almost every night he is home. He loves it, so do they.
Maybe the difference is that they are with me all day, so when he gets home, they are sick of me and welcome the new, refreshed parent. That’s all I am saying. Totally NOT intimating anything else. Must make that clear.
nancy
I’m available. My town or yours?
I won’t even miss bedtime. Unless we stay out with our coffee until 11:30PM. Sigh.
You talked about me, didn’t you.
Didn’t you?
ROTFL
If only I lived a little closer than Louisiana, I’d do a girls night with you in a second, Dani!
I feel the same way about going out in the evening — even though I pay lip service to the “equal parenting roles” thing in my house, I still somehow feel that it’s my job to supervise bedtime and that I’m burdening my husband if I’m not there. So, not too many nights out for me. Issues, I have issues.
Batman – you do realize you’re one of the ‘oldest, dearest male friends’, right? And yes, I really do need to get out more!
Nancy, in fact I think you’re a *good* mommy, because you balance you the person and you the mommy. I have always admired how much you get out with your friends. And you raise a very good point that I wish I had addressed – I spent 8 or 10 hours a day without the kids, so yes, I’m a little more relaxed about time for me, and a little more neurotic about time away from the boys.
Phantom, I have always wanted to visit your state. Maybe one of these days!! And Renee, you’re a little further away, but if I ever make it down your way…
Suzanne, funny how we feel like we’re ‘burdening’ the fathers, isn’t it? Okay, not so much funny as sad. In our house, we each take a kid, which works out pretty well as long as we’re both home. Dunno what we’ll do if there’s ever a third kid – we’ll have to adopt a third parent from somewhere.
And Marla, of course we did!!!!
darn, where did my post go?
I had this well articulted prose on how I too grew up hanging around with the boys and how motherhood intermingled with infertility has led me to go out with girls more and how I have no problems leaving hubby alone with teh kids since he does it to me so very often and how I would love to have a coffee with you on an evening or a Saturday morning.
so there
*laughing* Oh no, not another lost comment. THat happens to me all.the.time!!
And Twinmom, I’m up for coffee with you ANYTIME!
I always used to hang out with the guys more too. Then I smooched one of them (he started it) & it got a little weird. Anyhoo, that was ages ago.
I’ve gone out 4 times without husband or baby since she was born in November. Twice was to the gym for an hour, once for a 3 hour pedicure party (shower) & once for a girl’s night out dinner (maybe another 3 hours). It was stressful but reshreshing every time. Oh I forgot, I go running for about an hour on Saturday mornings but she pretty much sleeps through that. Next Friday evening I will attempt going out again sans Doodle bug for (eek!) a scrapbooking thing. I’m finding it so hard to leave her though I know my hubby’s hands are capable. Does it get any easier as they age?
P.S. I’m up for a peppermint soy latte.