Bah! I don’t care how much credibility you give a seven foot animated ogre, change is never good.
The good news is, Beloved’s part-time teaching looks like it might be morphing into a full-time position in the relatively near future. The term “tenure” has even been dangled tantalizingly, as the school’s current staff of baby boomers drift toward retirement.
“That’s great!” you say. “Congratulations to Beloved!”
And I say, “Yeah, but…”
I’m glad that he’s getting some respect from his school, because he’s worked hard to prove himself. It will be nice for him to have a regular, guaranteed day job instead of a patchwork of courses that are subject to cancellation and change on a whim. (It seems every semester leaves us scrambling as last minute schedule changes are made, courses are added and subtracted, and we struggle to balance three jobs in two provinces with daycare priorities.) And let me tell you, the extra cash certainly won’t hurt.
Except if Beloved is working full time, that means he can’t stay home with the boys part-time anymore. And that breaks my heart.
For three years, I’ve been able to temper my role as working mother with the thought that the boys are only in daycare part time, and spend more of the week with at least one of their parents than they do with the daycare provider.
The irony is that it took me a very long time to get over my resentment of being at work while Beloved was at home with the boys. I wanted to be the part-time worker, and at the beginning I know Beloved was a little overwhelmed by being a primary caregiver. I used to worry that Beloved wasn’t doing things the right way (read: my way), that the boys watched too much TV and didn’t get outside enough and that the dishes got stacked backwards in the dishwasher.
And then somewhere in the last few months I realized that it’s been working out great for all of us. The boys are thriving and Beloved makes a great stay-at-home dad. While I still wish it were me working part-time, it no longer feels so terribly wrong to be at work while the rest of them are at home or out and about. I don’t worry about them anymore.
Nothing is finalized yet, but there is actually more than one potential position opening up for Beloved, so the chances are good he’ll be in a full time position within a few months. However, I’ve learned not to count on anything until the contracts are signed!
I know we’ve been lucky, that Beloved’s staying home with the boys this far has been a gift. I know Simon is almost two, and Tristan will actually even be going off to school in the fall. I know that even if I’m not 100% satisfied with our current daycare arrangements (a blog for another day), the boys are treated like members of the family there and are genuinely loved.
But it still sucks. Change is not good.
Change….awww the ugly monster has rasied it’s head. I used to like change but after the last couple of weeks..>ME NO LIKE CHANGE> Miranda is changing and not dealing with things well. Although she could be alot worse and Nathan is still trrying to be a 40 yr old in a 4 yr old body. Jack is working alot of over time and I don’t like that. Plus My dad can’t see much anymore and that means my mom is having a harder time. Arrrrghhhhh!
I don’t think we ever get over how we get comfortable with things and then when we think it’s going to change we freak abit. BUT it turns out ok in the end. The boys will still thrive just in a differnt way but you’ll both be there parnets. Who LVOE them the BESTEST! Even with the crap I think is soo horrible it won’t be that bad in a few days, weeks, months…Right?
Me no like change. Maybe I can get the Arrogant Worms to write a song about that? Whadda think?
Tenure? That’s wonderful!
A few consoling thoughts: June, July, August. Seriously.
This is scary, but it’s good.
Good luck!
I’d be sad, too, but I’m sure your boys will do great with the transition BECAUSE they feel secure in their home life. Sounds like they’ve got people who care for them at their daycare, too, which is no small thing.
You will never find the perfect daycare situation. There is never someone – other than you – that will do things exactly as you would do them. You just need to realize that you are doing the best you can.
What I would watch out for is changing something like daycare, having Beloved go to work full time and adding starting school to the mix. It is too much change for little ones to handle all at once. Make any necessary transitions slowly and allow each member of the family to adapt before adding another to the mix. And this adaptation means mommy and daddy as well.
Congratulations (in advance, I know) to Beloved, and hugs to you. I hyperventilate at the mere thought of change, even when change is for the better.
I hope that Beloved’s job comes through. I know how hard change can be; good luck navigating that new territory.
I agree with Dean Dad: Think June, July and August.
I know that teaching full time is all consuming. A good friend of mine is married to an English professor and we very rarely see him during the school year.
Hang in there.
whenever a nice dependable routine is set up, something else has to come in to disturb it, change is not always easy, but I think in this case it’s good timing, Beloved surely deserves this recognition and he’s already spent some very precious time with the boys’ early years and they are on the verge of going to school and no, daycare is NEVER 100% perfect
holy moly, talk about a rambling sentence
good luck with it all
Congratulations–and I’m sorry.
Maybe the extra income will give you guys the flexibility for you to be at home a bit more, if you want to?
If it’s any consolation–full time daycare for Frances was very hard at first, but only for me. She loves it, and has from the start. And now while I’m not thrilled about it, it’s ok.
A big Congrats to Beloved!! I hope everything works out the way he wants it to at work.
Change is only good for me when I decide it’s time ;). Hopefully the boys will adapt quickly and yes, there will always be summer with Dad :). And perhaps you would be able to work at home one day a week or something?? It will all work out in the end.
Anna
A change is as good as a rest. Maybe one door closes, but a windo opens. Maybe you can’t see the forest for the trees. Maybe one of these cliches will remind you about how you have to take the good, and take the bad and take them both and there you have the facts of life. The facts of life. The facts of li-ii-ii-ife.
Any help?
Aw, I’m sorry. I hope you find the equilibrium again with whatever new schedule you end up with.
I am waaay late on this, playing catch up, but as much as I completely understand and appreciate you being sad at the possibility of the boys not being with their Dad as often as they are now, I must be honest and say how completely excited I am for all of you. What a compliment for your Beloved after all of his hard work, not to mention obvious talents and patience ‘putting in his time’ until it was ‘HIS’ time which may very well be now. A terrific time for you all to grow together as a family experiencing new challenges together. This does not in any way make you any less of a parent, either of you. I think if anything, it will teach your children to aspire to reach goals for yourself individually (as a career) and prove to them and they are not any less loved in any way because of it. They will respect you for it. I hope I make sense.