You’re about to lose some respect for me. (If you had any to begin with, that is.) I’m about to confess to something particularly shallow.
Not only do I watch TLC’s What Not to Wear on occasion, but I’d love to have someone do that wardrobe makeover thing to me. Not so much with the humiliation on national TV – lord knows there’s more than enough humiliation right here on the Interweb – but I’d really like someone who knows clothes and quality and makeup walk me through the whole style thing. I don’t have a style. Where do you get one, anyway? Can I buy it on eBay? And one day I’d like to spend some serious money on real clothes, instead of collecting separates pell mell like a magpie building a nest.
I keep making the same mistakes over and over again. For example, I have this addiction to striped turtlenecks. I buy at least one every season, each one worn a few times until I catch sight of myself in some passing reflective surface and realize how unflattering a look it is for me. I’m a curvy sort of girl, and stripes are not always kind to curves. And turtlenecks? Let’s just say the push-up effect works better in a bra than it does as a turtleneck supporting my chin(s). I can rationalize this is the cold light of day, but once I get into the mall and see all those long-sleeved striped turtleneck sweaters in the seasons brightest colours I can’t help myself.
I went to Winners the other day, and promised myself I would try on anything except a striped turtleneck. I tried on 12 black sweaters and tops (did I mention I just this year discovered black on black? Where have you been all my life?) and not one of them was worth buying. Last weekend, I was in the mall with the boys and got sucked into Northern Reflections (of all places – so much for urban chic at the office) by a conspicuous display of – you guessed it – striped turtlenecks. I bought two. I am incorrigible.
And things are further complicated by the fact that I’ve recently realized that as a 36 year old mother of two, I’m a woman of a certain age. Just how firm is that “no miniskirts after 35” rule? Damn, one of my best features is my legs! How mini is mini? I also have an addiction to plaid skirts cut about four inches above the knee – not Britney Spears don’t-bend-over short, but certainly shorter than the matronly to-the-knee length I’ve been seeing all over town. Please tell me I don’t have to give those up yet!
So there’s the media-savvy part of me that is horrified by shows like What Not to Wear, where you expose your inadequacy on national TV and eat a good helping of humiliation for the edification of the armchair-fashionista potato-chip-snarfing audience at home. But there is a part of me who wants to be Cinderella, to be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club. Despite the fact that I am mostly a confident, satisfied, happy woman, there’s a marginalized teenager deep in my heart who would love to find out she’s more beautiful and stylish than she ever imagined.
So if you see me in the mall, please do us both a favour and drag me away from the striped turtleneck sweaters that I will inevitably be coveting. I am weak.
Hi, I’m a new reader of your blog. Really liking it so far!
I like “What Not to Wear” also, and even have the books — but I think we all have our weak spots in terms of what we know doesn’t work for us (but that we keep buying.) I love turtlenecks in the winter myself, but they make me look a little bit like a linebacker. I got rid of them all this spring, but what is it that I’m helplessly drawn to in the stores each time? You guessed it. 🙂
You are so funny! I don’t think it’s shallow at all. my affliction is poor boy ribbed sweaters — flat chested women just shouldn’t wear ribbed sweaters! I’ve got about 20.
Just promise me you aren’t wearing the striped turtlenecks WITH the plaid skirt.
…but you know you will always be a polka dot skirt sorta girl to me :~)
I’d definitely be interested in the fashion tips and the cash, but not the humiliation. I’ve been in a fashion rut for as long as I can remember; I don’t think I wear anything egregiously bad, but it’s all boring, boring, boring.
I can’t resist turtlenecks, either.
Fashion sense? What’s that? I love turtlenecks. I love sweats. I love sweatshirts. I love t-shirts. I love comfort. Comfort comfort comfort hence the lack of thongs and high heels in my wardrobe. Oh, and don’t dare ask how many jammies I own.
not at all shallow. i too would love to have someone give me money and tips to apply to making me look like the sophisticated fashionista i long to be.
I’m not very stylish; my mom and sister are and they try to buy me things to get me up to speed. It usually doesn’t work. ;^)
I DO try to steer away from horizontal stripes though; they tend to widen you. And I don’t need any help in that department!
It’s freakin’ Canada people – we MUST wear turtlenecks or our necks will get cold and stay cold from October through April. They occasionally need to be warmed, or protected from getting cold in the first place. And if there’s anything that’s even less attractive than a turtleneck, it’s an awkwardly knotted scarf and hunched over shoulders because you’re shivering and cold.
I am not, as we all know, particularly styley lately, despite my past employment as the head of the Couture department at an auction house. I do know that skirts should only hit in a few places – at the thinnest part above your knee below the thigh, just below the knee before the calf swells out, or just about where the calf starts to taper. Otherwise your legs look shapeless. So it’s not a question of what’s a mini, it’s where does the skirt hit you at your most flattering part.
And Dani, were you and Nancy Winners shopping together? Because after reading both of today’s posts, I think you two just needed an excuse to get together and talk about me. That and Ann posted about Winners yesterday and name checked me. I think this is a sign I need to get to a Winners myself, right?
LOL!! Apply to be on the “Stylin’ Gypsies”. It isn’t as awesome as the “What not to Wear” show, but it’s Canadian. My girlfriend applied and has been on the show. It was a bit of a scam as she is not exactly fashionless, she was wanting it more for the publicity. But, she had fun just the same. “What not to wear” definately spends more on you!
Just don’t bring them anything you want to keep 😉
Anna
D – No respect lost, I think it would be a riot to be on that show. Now, not that I think you should take tips from me (remember my shorts, the Chuck Taylor canvas hi-tops, 80’s ponytail, etc) but I think fashion is overated….of course I can say that being a guy. We have WAY less pressure, and decisions are alot easier (or used to be prior to Metrosexual man being introduced). Pants are pants (no capri’s or crap like that) and no skirt length to consider. If we go out – balck suit, white shirt, almost any tie, and we’re good. And it doesn’t matter if we wore it to last year’s Xmas party. Now, you wanna talk fashion pet peeves – ‘Business casual’ drives me nuts…what the hell is that, anyway?
Dani! I can save you from Striped hell. I learned long agao that STRIPES do not flatter anyone over the age of 20. Let me take you shopping. Plus I bring my boss who is 50 and has amazing Fashion sense. She’s helped me alot.
She hasn’t helped my typing at all though.
You know how people are so rigid about changing on that show?
I always thought I’d just be happy for the rescue 🙂
Striped turtlenecks don’t sound bad to me (but I wouldn’t trust me–most of my clothes are 10 years old).
you sure you wrote this post about yourself? sounds like you wrote it about ME!
the striped turtlenecks, the great legs, watching What Not To Wear and secretly longing for someone to take me shopping and tell me how to do it.
Go for the short skirts! Flash those legs, I say.
And geez, lady; I hate to burst the bubble, but you are already very attractive. I can say this now, since I’ve met you and everything.
I have no opinion on the turtlenecks, though. *sigh* It took me years–years–to stop buying every filmy flowery skirt I saw, even though I never wear skirts. Never. Even less so now that I have a pump that needs a pocket. But still, teh first thing I look at in the stores? Filmy flowery skirts. Just shoot me.
Ah, my weakness is green or black shirts with wide necks. I love wide necks. Except that I have really, really narrow shoulders. Yes: it’s the dreaded “visible bra strap” look. Paired with my favorite stained cargo pants, it says “I am immature, and believe myself to be far hipper than I really am.”
If you find somewhere to buy style, could you let me know? I think I need a new one…
Hello, my name is Kristina and I, too, am addicted to turtlenecks.
I got rid of ONE of them last year, it was all I could bear to do. I usually wear the necks unrolled, so I look like my head is floating above my body, but I just love feeling so cozy, and yes, I feel like it hides a bit of the chin area. Ugh. Anyway, oddly enough, I get WAY more compliments when I wear something like a wrap top: very flattering to curvy girls. Accentuates the right areas, if you know what I mean. Plus, v-necks are the most universally flattering neckline, and are perfect for showing off a great necklace. As for the knee-length skirts, I think they look GREAT, and they’re a wonderful alternative to the shorter skirts. You should just try one on sometime, Dani! It will still show off your great gams, and is probably a whole 2% warmer than the shorter skirts, ar ar. (Ok that was reaching…) That said, if you just love those mini skirts, then go for it, and who cares: be comfortable in the style you like and FLAUNT those sexy legs!!
Phantom: an easy fix for bra-strap-flashing in wide necks is to wear a strapless bra. I love that neckline too, and used to have the same problem!
This isn’t shallow at all. I wish I could go shopping with you my friend, but alas, I live much too far away.
I can’t advise you about style ‘cuz let’s face it, we’ve all got different ones. Especially ‘cuz my legs are one of my worst features. Instead, I emphasize my arms whenever possible.
Hello Nancy the new reader! Welcome, and thanks for playing in the comment box. I have a soft-spot for blogging Nancys.
Speaking of Nancys, yes Marla, Nancy and I have been talking about you behind your back. All compliments, of course. (snicker) But thanks for the skirt-length tips – I’ve never heard that before, but it makes sense.
SCM, I *know* I shouldn’t wear stripes – I just can’t help myself!!! FWIW, I do like that yoga jacket I bought off you and wore it all summer – with a striped tank top, of course.
Andrea, (blush) thank you. You know what, I can totally see you in a flimsy flower skirt! Maybe you can actually find one that has a pocket? In May, of course, because flimsy skirts and Canadian winters really should be mutually exclusive. I’m LMAO that you actually buy them and don’t wear them, though!
I was watching TV last night, and noticed all the women wearing gorgeous open necks, just like Phantom and Kristina described, and I thought, “There’s a good look. I should buy some of those!” Then I remembered that they are (1) size zero; (2) have personal trainers to build up their perky collar bones and (3) are on super-heated TV sets and not trying to fight the energy crisis with thermostats turned down to 18 degrees.
Okay, so maybe I’ll make use of my cozy striped turtlenecks for a few more months and start fresh in the spring. And the diet can wait until then, too….
xo Dani, procrastination queen
HEY PEOPLE there is nothing wrong with a turtle neck used with the right jacket. (Long live the Turle NECK!) Geessh! I wear them all the time. Strips are just not flattering unless they are used in the right way. If your trying to look thinner then horizontal strips are out. Or if your trying to take stuff away from your chest area NOT good. LOL!
Maybe I sniffing out a need here.
Hummm?????
I just find it easier to buy fabric and wear the same clothes that I always do. Fabric never makes you look fat and you can store it in a box and wonder what you should do with it for years before your husband finally loses his cool and chucks it out the door. Years I tell you – with never having to wash, dry or iron! Victory to the fabric stores (insert maniacal giggle here).