I was coming out of Tim Horton’s the other day with one extra-large coffee in each hand. Not only did one gentleman hold open the door for me, but another guy just stepping out of his car reached over and opened the passenger-side door for me as I tried to work my fingers underneath the handle and pull it open without dropping my coffees.
It confirms a theory I’m working on – chivalry is back.
Just in the past few months, I’m noticing a lot more doors being held, seats being relinquished, and “no-you-go-okay-I’ll-go-no-really-I-insist” dances with total strangers. It’s been quite refreshing!
Now, it could be that since I spend a lot of time with both hands full and a preschooler or two dangling from my limbs, people are just more prone to take pity on me, or are trying to help me out so I don’t do damage to any innocent bystanders, but I’ll take it nonetheless.
I was getting a ride home from a work colleague recently, and as we approached his car he actually came around to my side of the car first and opened the door for me. I have to admit, that’s the first time anyone has ever done that and I loved it. Such a simple gesture, but so very classy.
I never understood the argument that courtesies like this were somehow demeaning to women. Maybe it’s because I’m secure in my ability to open my own door that I don’t feel threatened when someone else offers to do it for me? I admit, though, to feeling rather bad the few times that a gentleman has stood back to let me get on the bus first and I ended up getting the last seat, leaving him to stand for the 35 minute ride home. It’s sometimes a little embarrassing to be an able-bodied recipient of someone’s kindness when you feel you are really no more deserving than they are.
I’m proud of the boys’ manners, inasmuch as preschoolers can have manners. Tristan’s “thanks” whenever I hand him something is now so ingrained that I can see he doesn’t even think about it, and Simon is the most adorable toddler ever with his similar sounding “here-go-mummy” and “thang-u-mummy” whenever he gives me something or gets something from me. It’s important to me that they grow up to be the kind of boys who think of others, and who are respectful and courteous.
What do you think? Is chivalry back? How important a role do manners play in your opinion of someone? Is it still appropriate for a man to step back and let a woman go first, or is it insulting?
I’m of the opinion that manners matter A LOT! I divorced my first husband at least in part because he had none, and neither did his family. They were super-liberal, super-hippy-communist-artist types and somehow manners were oppressive or something. My husband now is chivalrous in the old-school Southern style and I love it! It mixes very pleasingly with his wit and dirty mind…
Manners HOLY COW! In my opinion Manners are soooo Important. I swear people would stop shooting each other if they were just abit more polite to one another. Both my kids ahve pretty good manner and my Hubby too. I’m still working on my (cleanin’ up my potty mouth when I’m upset) And I watch for manners. I watch Miranda with her guy Friends. Some are very polite but still don’t hold doors open. Although Tucker doesn’t hold doors he won’t let her pay for a movie and when they are on a date he will try to remember to let her go first. LOL! I think that is his dad at work. Some ahve no manners at all but I’m glad most of her friends do.
Jack Still holds doors open for me when we go out for a date (doesn’t happen often) But that’s when he shines.
Good blog Dani as usual.
OH and no It’s not insulting when your out in public. Now I don’t work so I don’t know about the work place that might be a faux pas there. No clue.
Manners are, for me, a make-or-break in a relationship. If there are no manners, there is no relationship.
While I too have been experiencing more chilvary these days, I still think that we have a long way to go to get back some of the politeness that we’ve lost in the 21st century. I say thank you ALOT, and am regularly dissapointed how most people don’t.
On a related note, I’m very particular about what kind of customer service I get, and I strongly believe that bad customer service is caused by poor manners, pure and simple.
I’m all about manners. I’m Canadian afterall. I apologize if someone bumps into me…even though I was standing still. It’s kind of second nature for some reason. I am also one of the chivalrous sorts who hold doors, etc. I think it’s worth the effort and most people feel good about it.
I agree that manners acan make or break a relationship, even business or casual relationships. I don’t like rude people and I will avoid such people wherever possible.
Thank you for the blog Dani. That was very nice of you.
I agree that manners are important, because manners denote a respect and caring toward others. I’m extremely thankful that I have a husband with whom I share a healthy level of respect: we both hold doors for each other, and do the “unlock their car door first” thing, among other acts of kindness. Then again, I suppose if we’d never had that dynamic with each other, I might not be here typing about how great it is, but thankfully that’s not the case.
I do think that REAL chivalry is long gone, never likely to come back. When certain occasions to happen, like they did to you Dani, then yes, one does experience a glimmer of hope.
I also find that less people (in public) have the manners that I would expect from any ‘nice’ human being, no matter what age. We have been very strict in teachin our kids their manners and they *usually* do extremely well.
Like Batman, I’ll apologize for being bumped into, but then again I am the first to tell someone off if I think they warrant it.
Have a nice day.
I think manners are critical. I also think it is the lack of consideration for the other guy that leads to nearly every problem in this world.
I am of the mindset that a child can learn manners as soon as they can talk. I think we are all doing a great service in this world if we raise polite children.
Oh man, I guess I am pretty passionate about this!
I am happy to hear you have been a recipiant 🙂 I LOVE Chivalry. My Husband “used” to open the door for me, but no longer does, something about key fobs and buckling in toddlers… At the mall, I hold open doors just as much as the men do, but I love it when it happens. I don’t find it demeaning of women or anything of the such, it is just plain polite and nice. With all of us and our men we are sure to raise some that will have a bit of chivarly for sure.
Anna
Like so many of you, I think manners are critical but seems to be an art loosing importance. I instill it in my kids daily and am the proudest when someone says “your kids are so well-mannered”.
In my previous job, manners was of utmost importance and I often cringed when an employee would lack manners in a certain situation. Hard to train them for that. Seems like its not part of their education. I’ve often toyed with the idea of a good ole fashioned “manners” class in school, teen or pre-teen level: how to behave at a special meal, being thankful, courteous, etc.
As for chivalry, it’s a rare thing and when I’m faced with it, honestly it makes me happy but also quite uncomfortable. I grew up in a major feminist age and I think that maybe feminism killed chivalry.
After our European trek this summer, I can certainly attest that Canadians are indeed a well-mannered lot 😉
have a great day, eh!
I’ve noticed that the students at my HS are saying “please” and more often, “thank you” than did the cohort from, say, 5 years ago. But I also hear the 2 year old kids at my son’s daycare demanding more juice, more apples, etc. from their teacher–and virtually all of them have to be told to say “please” and/or “thank you”. My son was quite good about it before he starting going there, but seems to have slipped a bit recently. Unfortunately, this peer pressure hasn’t led us any closer to potty training or to learning how to take turns and share.
I’m all for manners, but I can’t stand chivalry–which to me is based in the assumption that women are inherently weaker. I mean, I know that I am fully capable of opening my own door, but apparently the man doesn’t. And that’s what makes me uncomfortable.
There is someone I work with who is a full foot shorter than I am, and he’s always running ahead of me to open doors. This is silly. I am bigger, and much stronger than he is. If he manages to do it (get to the door before I do) I thank him and walk through, but you should see the agitation if I try to open the door for him–he dances in place for a full thirty seconds trying to figure out if there is any way for him to take the door from me so that he can hold it open. It’s amusing, but a bit irritating too.
For me, manners is about doing the right thing for the people around you, regardless of what sex they are. If I get to a door first, I’ll stop and hold it open, and I don’t care who’s behind me–if it’s a group of businessmen on lunch, or a mother with two children, or a gaggle of teenagers. If someone opens the door for me, that’s nice, and I smile and say thank you. But I don’t expect or want someone to treat me differently because I’m female.
To me, “manners” is treating people with respect because they’re people, and people deserve respect. And “chivalry” is maintaining a fictional difference between the sexes by pretending that women are weaker than men and need to be protected by them.