I’m not entirely sure why my boys are so big. Beloved is a perfectly average and accessible 5’10”, and while I’m tall for a girl at 5’8″, I’m hardly statuesque. My brother is a bit oversized at 6’4″, so I guess it is in our genes somewhere.
My boys are huge. Gigantic, almost. Both of them are 90th to 95th percentile for height. At not quite three and a half, Tristan is 43″ (about 1.1m) tall, taller than your average five year old. So far, Simon has been larger than his brother at almost every milestone. While we’ve joked about the upcoming difficulties we’ll face in keeping two towering teenage boys stocked with groceries some day, we’ve recently started discovering that there are other issues with big boys.
On the more banal side of the equation, I’ve lamented previously that unless we get on the potty training bandwagon soon I’ll be contacting Omar the Tentmaker to requisition some larger diapers. Pampers really should think of expanding beyond size 6 in the same way that women’s clothing manufacturers are finally waking up to the fact that a ceiling of size 14 is just not sufficient for a lot of the dress-buying public.
And having a three year old brain with a five year old body is a bad combination. They’re not at all aware of their own strength. I’m just grateful that they’re both large, so while they may barrel right over the other kids at play (I’m cringing thinking ahead to our days of organized sports), at least they’re well matched for each other. Wish I could say the same for my living room furniture. It may be ugly, but it doesn’t deserve the punishment meted out by 40 lbs of bouncing preschooler (times two!)
There is a Chinese buffet restaurant near us that allows kids under six to eat for free, and they’ve started to take long looks at Tristan when it comes time for the bill. (Not that he’s done any damage to their business. I think the one chicken nugget, three pickles and two bowls of ice cream are pretty reasonable. In truth, it’s Simon the bottomless pit they need to keep their eye on.) I see a day not far in the future when I’m going to have to carry identification for him, because nobody believes he’s only three.
Last week, we brought the family to Mont Cascades water park, and for the first time I started thinking about height restrictions at amusement parks, fairs and the like. Many kiddie rides and amusements are restricted to kids under 48″ tall. Since Tristan grew three inches in six months, it’s not inconceivable that I’ll have a four or five year old too big to play on the kiddie slides or ride on the kiddie rides. That’s just wrong, considering he’s just barely of an age where he can start to enjoy them.
But there are social issues as well. My caregiver has an eight year old who is by far the tallest boy in his class, and she and I have discussed this issue at length. Because he is so tall, people assume Tristan is older than he is and expect him to behave accordingly. The behaviour you’d expect from a three year old is a whole lot different than what you’d expect from a five year old. I’ve seen this on the playground already, where Tristan was a bit petulant (okay, threw a tantrum) about sharing something with another (obviously older) kid and the other kid’s mother’s gave me the hairy eyeball. When I shrugged my shoulders and said, “He’s three, you know how it is” she was obviously taken aback. But I won’t always be there to explain, and I while I don’t want to make excuses for him, I do feel bad that Tristan will constantly be (ironically) short of people’s superficial expectations because of his height.
This isn’t a complaint. I’d rather be dealing with too big than too little, to be honest. When my boys were born at 9 lbs (Tristan) and 10 lbs (Simon) and I struggled with nursing, I knew we had some wiggle room. And it’s probably much easier to be a large man in today’s society than a small one (or a large woman, for that matter). But it’s my job to worry over them. I’m good at it!
What do you think? Does size matter?
Are you SURE we weren’t separated at birth?
I too have a daughter who is larger than your average bear, and we’ll find out at the end of the month exactly where in the 90 – 95th percentile she’s hanging out these days.
With size 7-8 feet, I’m having trouble finding age-appropriate shoes too (do people really expect toddlers to walk in flip flops?) She’s in Stage 6 diapers, because even though 5’s fit, they leak. (Larger child = larger output?!) We get the raised eyebrows and the age/behaviour issues at the park too. Since we live in a largely Asian neighbourhood, quite honestly, she’s the size of many five year olds around here.
And I’m not huge – 5’4′ and a hundredthirtyfortysomething pounds. She is fully half my length, and weighs about thirty pounds these days. I’m having trouble when I have to carry her, or when she’s having a tantrum at the Bay and I need to do that lap-hold thingy. I am already working to find other ways of managing, since there will be certain physical difficulties in managing her – like getting her used to walking longer distances.
I wonder why this happened – I don’t know my family history, and Steve’s family isn’t huge either (his mother and her twin are 4’8″ and 90 pounds dripping wet!). Hormones? Chemicals? A new generation of superchildren designed to make their parents feel tiny and powerless?
Size is not the issue though – the problem is that her personality is already as big as mine. Look out for when she gets her own blog!
Hey 6′ 4″ seems pretty normal to me. I was 6′ 4 3/4″ but am probably shrinking in my old age. I was tallest in the extended family until a nephew exploded to 6′ 8″. My ex-wife was 5′ 13″. My grand-daughter just turned 2 and is 3′ tall. The doctor says your height at 2 is about half your adult height, so she may not catch her grand-mother.
I have sort of a step-daughter (daughter of an ex-girlfriend I lived with when the kids were young) who is about 6′ 4″.
Very intersting topic Dani.
My Tristan is of similar height to yours, but is scrawny, and still rather bald, so appears to be 3ish, and sometimes younger than he is. Which is good given his very terrible 2 yr old attitude some days.
You made some very valid points about the social issues, and I was rather sad about your comments regards the parks etc..
I’m glad your bruisers are big enough to really give you a hug that shows dear old mom how they feel about her :~)
I also meant to add that while these differences seem enormous right now, I would bet by early school yrs, they will level out a bit. As you mentioned, you and Beloved are not all that far outside the norms yourselves. I think it will level off, and in years to come, predict it will be a great source of pride!
The Boy is a moose (literally off the charts for height percentile for his age), and The Girl is in the 95th percentile herself. The Wife is concerned — she’s tall herself, and she reports that adolescence is hard for girls over about 5’10”. For boys, not so much.
If anything, Tristan and Simon should reap the benefits when they hit the dating years. Just don’t buy any expensive furniture!
I hear you, and I’m also dealing with some of the side issues of this.
My son has always been in the 90-95% for height. Which meant that when he was 18 months old and learning to eat with utensils, little old ladies in restaurants felt justified in chiding him “A great big boy like you shouldn’t be eating with your hands!” Lets not even go into the comments we got from random strangers about him being in diapers.
DH and I joked about getting a T-shirt made taht said “I’m 18 months old. What’s your excuse?” or a more flexibile “Born March, 2000. YOU do the math.”
And then his little sister was born. And at every checkup, she’s outdone his stats for that age. She’s consistently several standard deviations above 99% for height, and has consistently measured in as an *average* child twice her size.
She’s just two years old, and I can’t find appropriate baby-girl clothes for her. She’s outgrowing the sizes that have room for diapers. And because she’s still not talking intelligibly, I’m starting to get the “Looks” – the “what’s wrong with that girl?” looks.
I wouldn’t trade big for small, either. But its not always easy. I have friends with tiny children, with children who have undergone testing, who have had growth hormone shots discussed. I feel bad complaining about this kind of thing to them. But I’m sad that my babies don’t get to be babies for as long, because the world has decided that anyone over 36″ tall is a Big Kid.
How interesting that in this tiny corner of cyberspace there are so many babies over the 90th percentile. Perhaps that says more about the growth charts than it does about the size of our babies?
Marla, I am so looking forward to a Josephine blog! Of course, my kids are never going to be allowed to use a computer, but that’s me.
Ken, I heard the same thing about doubling their height (it’s 2.5 for boys) and Tristan will edge out your nephew at a towering 6’9″ if it’s right. Man, THAT’S tall! And 6’4″ for a girl? Wow.
Snack Mommy – hmmm, considering. Maybe if I shaved the boys’ heads? (Dean Dad, note use of apostrophe on plural, as discussed!)
Dean Dad, I reached my full height in elementary school, and I agree, being a tall girl was very difficult – but ironically, in the end I wished I had been significantly tall (say 6′) instead of just annoyingly a little bit tall.
Sara, I love love LOVE your T-shirt ideas!! Yes, Simon has gotten the hairy eyeball in restaurants, too. (Also 18 months. Maybe I could put it on a bib?) And you’re right, pants never fit Tristan because he’s moved out of the diaper-accommodating sizes – another good complaint.
(Nice to see new names in the comment box, by the way. Welcome!)
xo Danigirl
Hey, wait a minute…
Aren’t Canadians supposed to use the metric system? What’s with the feet and inches?
Well….
You know some of how I feel about size. I have to admit a small part of me is a teensy bit jealous hearing about the “big kid” issues. I’m sure it’s very difficult. It just sounds very difficult in a less frightening kind of way.
This is NOT said to make you feel bad–just in the interests of being completely honest.
Size does matter. It shouldn’t, really, but it does. People categorize based on size seemingly the same way they do with sex or age or weight or race. They make judgements about who you are and who you should be.
My brother is 6’6″–his wife is 6’2″–I can’t wait to see their kids when they have them! I have a few friends who are very tall and who were tall growing up, and they talk about some of the same things you do here–how people would assume they have mental handicaps because they weren’t acting appropriately for hte age they thought they were. It’s not easy.
I know what you mean about having a larger child and the expectations. And I have the flip side too–a smaller child and the opposite expectations. Size matters to some–not to me 🙂 And, if it comes down to diapers–there are diapers beyond 6 (just not pampers). Although I’m sure the potty training will come. HUGS!
I feel better about my two over-sized boys than my middle normal-sized kid, not for esthetics but for health. You worry less when a larger child gets sick and moves off eating for a few days. You have, as you call it, some wiggle room. When my ‘normal’ kid gets sick and stops eating, I pack him with supplements, vitamins and water because I worry that it will be harder on his body. I guess we all worry about something!
I’ve seen both ends of the scale, in a set of twins no less. My sister’s twins are at opposite ends of the growth scale. I agree with that there are social contexts for both groups.
The smaller twin gets away with murder at the age of 7 because she looks like a 5 year old. She knows it, and uses her 7 year old intelligence and 5 year old stature to get lots of extra attention and less reprimands from people. Even people in our own family see her as “cute” when throws a tantrum or acts like a 5 year old.
The larger twin is more the size of her older sister, a tall 9 year old. She is always expected to be as “grown up” as her older sister and want to do the same things. It’s like people think the older sister and she are twins, not the smaller sister and she.
I guess what I’m saying is there are social consequences to having an larger child, unfortunately. I think you should go with the T-shirts! But, just think of all the older girls who will want to date them when they grow up. Oops…New worry?
your worry about the wrong thing. Come on, with your 2 bruisers picking up the point we can move Liam into centre ice. We can offset the size of the offensive line with Aiden’s speed on right wing. Then have Keegan playing left wing with a balanced line. We can move Tristan ontop the forward line for power plays to provide additional weight in front of the net. Keegan should be good digging in the corners and contolling the puck having spent years getting beat on by his older brothers. And finally I imagine that Simon will have a massive power slap shot from the point. Combine that with Liam blocking… and we are so on the road to a winning team.
Now, you want somethign to really worry about… what if they don’t like hockey….
ARRRGHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Übie darling, my boys are baseball players!!
Dean Dad, the wonder of being a child of Trudeau-era Canada is that we are fluent in neither English nor French, metric nor imperial, but speak an impressive cross-section of both. I have only the vaguest idea of my weight in kilograms, have no clear grasp of how far 100 miles is, either.
Andrea, I was thinking of you specifically when I wrote this, and almost wrote a disclaimer to you in particular in the post itself. I do agree that our size issues are much less frightening than yours, but of course because they are mine they are (a little bit) frightening to me. Thanks for weighing (pardon the pun) in on this one.
Geekchick – aack! (fingers in ears, la la la – my boys dating older women? la la la, I can’t hear you…)
xo Danigirl, always amazed what catches people’s interest
Dani–oh, definitely. Anything that affects our kids is frightening to us. It seems less-frightening to me (no doubt partially because it’s not my experience), but not not-frightening.
I guess the best thing to do when people act judgmental is to have a stock answer (like you do already by stating the age), and then follow up with some proud accomplishments of your guys. You know, I just wish people wouldn’t judge. But we can’t have that, can we? Hugs again 🙂
Yeah, yeah, Dean Dad we’re supposed to using the metric system, but us old fogies have trouble making the conversion sometimes. Besides we’re trying to make this understandable to you yanks.
Well, my excuse is that I’m American, so I don’t have to speak English.
Interesting comments!
Size does matter. Yes, based on experience…and comparison. OOPS! Wrong topic, sorry.
My guys are bigger than average, but not the 95th% ++. Ben’s feet are huge (size 11), but I think at their 3 y.o. check-up they were about 80-90 in height/weight. A coupe of weeks ago, my cousin came to visit with her son. He is small for his age (just turned 5 – my guys and her son are 22 months apart) We went out together and TWICE we were asked if the boys were triplets. They are the same size. It is a concern…but they smaller kids will find their strengths and weaknesses soon enough. I can notice such a large difference in the coordination for most part, as well as speech, intelligence, thought process, etc…Yet he is the smallest on his soccer team, but the fastest runner and highest goal scorer. SO there.
Hey congrats – is this possibly a record # of comments?
Been there done that. I have a son who has been through this and I have followed in his journey. My daughter is hot on his tails. He is 13½ years, 6ft 2in and shoe size 49, she is 11 years, 5ft 6in and shoe size 43. I went through it my self a couple of decades earlier but not to these proportions. They are stunning tall people who are still children, but are percieved to be so much older. Wait for the adolecent years!!! When a 15 year old girl pours over your son or chats him up, or a adult male oggles your ten year old daughter as she runs around on the beach in a bikini.You have to teach your child that they are percieved differently from a very early age, the birds and the bees talks start early so they can understand peoples reactions. They have often always been drawn to slightly older children as friends, and they are accepted due to their size, where some children their own age can be intimidated by them. Therefore , talks come along with the older friends for them to understand and accept your childs age and restrictions – a mine field!!!With this the child will always take on a maturity above thir average peers, they will hate being different, but eventually they will accept and realise that it is damn wonderful to be a tall person. It has been a long journey so far…..and in many ways we have only just started. However, their understanding as they get older of the perceptions of society, is a major key.
I also read Andrea’s blog – and one of my friends has an almost-as-tiny boy as her Frances (though this other boy is almost 7 now…)
I’ve observed that the kids at the other tail of the height-for-age bell curve seem to get a parallel assumption made about them. People see such a “tiny” (used by them as a synonym for “young”) baby walking, talking, using utensils, coloring, reading, etc – and assume that they’re very advanced for their age. Or, alternatively, there’s a tendency to respond to them with baby talk long past the age when that might be found fun by the child.
I realize its a lot to ask of the world to try to respond to children based on more than their size – but I do wish it happened more often?
Wow, these have been some of the best comments ever – thank you all for your insight and opinions on this. I had no idea I’d get this kind of response to this topic, but I’m so glad so many people have stopped by to offer their thoughts.
Once again, welcome to the new faces and thanks for your contributions!