I am beginning to realize that I have done more than create two little boys. In fact, I have created a third entity known as brothers, and brothers have a personality all their own, the best and the worst of the composite parts.
I know a little bit about brothers. I have one. He’s five years younger than me, so we didn’t often have a lot in common growing up. I played with his Star Wars toys sometimes, and he played kissing games in the fort in the vacant lot with the neighbourhood kids sometimes. But five years and a gender gap is a lot to overcome. I may have a brother, but I’ve never been one. (Although I must admit, as adults my brother and I have discovered each other anew. Together we have populated my mother’s life with three grandsons in three years. We have more in common, and more respect for each other, now than we ever did growing up!)
When I was in grade 7, I made friends with two boys, brothers, who were one year ahead and one year behind me in school. These boys wrote the definition to the word brothers as I know it. They weren’t inseparable, and they generally annoyed the crap out of each other, but they had a bond that was clearly visible, tangible. When I think back to growing up with these brothers, who came to be among my closest friends, I remember not only the shit they disturbed (I have clear memories of them putting the cat in a pillow case and spinning her around over their heads) and capers they pulled off (one day we decided to play hookey and feeling the absence of the brother who attended another school, we liberated him by telling the principal his grandmother had died – without even asking the brother in question if he wanted to play hookey that day.) I remember most clearly the inconsequential time they spent together, throwing a baseball, watching TV, playing games on the Nintendo. It wasn’t that you never saw one without the other, and autonomously they were great friends and companions to me. But there was a depth to their friendship that I’ve never seen, before or since.
That’s what I think of when I think of my boys as brothers. That they will always have each other, even as they irritate the holy hell out of each other. And having them so close in age, just a few weeks shy of two years apart, means that they should have lots of common ground over the years.
But really, I thought I’d have a few years to spare before some elements of brotherly behaviour manifested themselves. At three and a half, Tristan gleefully goads 18 month old Simon into doing stupid things. The dumber the stunt, the harder Tristan laughs, and of course Simon is a willing patsy. Recently, Tristan has taken to goading Simon into biting his own shoe when they are buckled into their car seats. This is the pinnacle of humour to Tristan, who howls with delight, and I have to drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Simon’s foot to keep him from complying. Tristan made my heart melt the other day by asking over and over if Simon had finished his dinner yet, because he (Tristan) had just finished building a particularly lovely track and wanted Simon to drive the trains with him. On another day, I hollered myself hoarse at Tristan’s hysterics over Simon touching his tracks.
And shouldn’t we have been much closer to the teen years before I heard the first, “Mummy! He’s looking at me!”?
Brothers!
Oh Dani…If Only I could have had that here. Nathan and Mir and close but and they have a Loving bond that is Great. Controled by Nathan of course. 11 years is a long time to wait for a sibling and it was not my choosing as most people know. BUT As for he’s looking at me. HELL honey That started as soon as Nathan could talk in sentences but it’s she’s LOOKING AT ME!
She is sitting with sunglases and listening to her MP3 player. Looking at her little brother I think not.
I didn’t have that with my Brother either (we were close but not in that way!) We’re 2 years apart and my sister and are 6 years apart but now we are all close.
This sibliing stuff is really an interesting issue. I’m glad at least Miranda and Nathan have each other no matter what!
Got me thinking again Dani
Thank-you for your very timely post Dani. As I sit here wondering what relationship will develop between my Tristan and my rapidly growing baby boy bean in my belly (whew, can you spit that one out?).
I have never been close to my brother with only a two yr age difference, so I worry about my boys being 4 yrs apart, however, am hoping the gender similarity helps.
Great post for me to start the day with Dani….thanks!
I think that brothers are the true male bond. No matter how unemotional a guy is–get him in a room with his brother, and you see love and affection (most cases). And I wish that for your boys, forever!
Happy enough to be an only child, I never understood or wanted siblings for the most part. But in first grade, when I invented an imaginary sibling for show and tell, it was a brother who broke his nose and got into all sorts of scrapes!
Later, in fifth grade when I met my best friend who had three older brothers, I knew why they were great. Even though they’d occasionally hold you down and fart on you, they’d also teach you about Monty Python, hockey games, Saint Patrick’s Day parades and sneaking into bars, and would fill the house with cute boys to have crushes on. Later, they’re excellent concert chaperones for the Kinks; and invalualbe date-screeners.
I’m happy with just Josehphine as an only child – but I wish that in eighth grade a couple of older brothers would magically appear.
Yep, brothers get each other to do
s-t-u-p-i-d things. And they are good to blame things on. All in all, brothers seem to be rather useful to have around. “No, you try throwing the cat down the stairs first.” “Duh, ok”
Thank you so much for this post. I’ve been feeling so guilty and worried lately about getting pregnant again so soon, but this just makes me feel better. Your boys sound so sweet! There’s so much to look forward to.
D – Wow, if I had known I was making such a profound impact I never would have let my brother near you…he is such a bad influence. And the guys he introduced you to! By the way, the cat was fine, and I still think I won the shopping cart race across London Mall despite what he says…
Thanks for the comments and trip down a somewhat frightening memory lane – I realize now that I have moved West how important and essential my bro was and is to who and what I am. Not saying you can’t make it without one, but brothers sure make it more, well, interesting.
I have three sons and, let me tell you, there is definitely a multiplier effect of goofiness when it comes to brothers. Sometimes the two teenage boys will be being really nasty (in my opinion) to the seven year old, and I’ll tell them to cut it out, but then the seven year old will say, “We’re just playing, Mom!” I don’t get it. And some of the “out there” behavior that passes for humor in males (even young males)….well, that’s a whole other story.