As if I weren’t already demanding too much of my seriously overtaxed neural networks, I have signed up for French lessons. Ours is an officially bilingual country, and I’ve reached a point in my government career where I need to achieve at least rudimentary second language skills. Plus, they pay you an extra $800 a year if you can pass the test every five years. In 2000, I managed to convince them I was of sufficient linguistic mediocrity to be classified of intermediate ability, but with two full years of maternity leave under my belt since then, my second language skills have slipped to at least sub-par, if not abyssmal.
So for four hours each week, I sit in our little class of eight, struck dumb in both senses of the word and unable to form a coherent thought in either official language. French class has become a lesson in humility perhaps long overdue.
How can I say this without sounding horribly conceited? I’m used to being — to being just a little bit smarter than the average bear. I’m used to being ahead of the curve, and I’m used to finding learning easy. I’m used to being clever. French classes are doing a very good job of disabusing me of that notion.
Each class begins with everyone taking a turn talking about what we did on the weekend or telling a bit of a story about ourselves – something to display our conversational prowess. As I listen to the others, I try to simultaneously hear their narratives, translate them back into English for comprehension, come up with something worth saying myself and translate that back into French, all the while feeling my stomach knotting and flop sweat forming on my brow as my turn approaches.
Rather than relating long, colourful and detailed anecdotes like this one, I find myself reduced such feats of conversational daring as “I ate dinner”, “I read a book” and “I saw a brown dog.” Me, whose compulsion to talk, to elaborate, to construct fabulous run-on sentences with no end in sight – reduced to earnest and empathetic nods and one-word grunted replies. It’s killing me! I have so much to say, a captive audience, and an anxiety attack every time I open my mouth.
I would write more, but I really should spend some time trying to master the conjugation of the future anterior – or to find a polite way of saying, “I have no comment” in French.
Categories: Canadianisms
Will you teach me to speak French when you are done? I am really hoping to make it to France next year with Larry. 🙂
Robin
Robin, I will do you one better than that. Just take me with you, and I will be your personal translator. And I won’t even charge you any fee over the flight and food expenses.
xo fille-Dani
Bonne chance mon amie!! Bien fait…LMFAO @ your title, Condolences to your aunt.
xo
Ack! Dani I can see how this must be killing you. I’m sure you will be able to wax poetic in the language of love in no time.
Bonne Chance!
La mere du Snacké
Living in a bilingual household, I am slowly getting a better handle on French. I figure I’d better pay attention…it’s difficult to understand an 18 month old..let alone one who speaks franglais
Bonne Chance mon amie et Bonne Journée
Barb
My aunt is a fish farm?? you crack me up!!!
Now you know exactly how I feel when surrounded with Greeks rambling several miles an hour, I graciously smile, nod and say “neh” kind of like “sure, I understood that”!!!
Seriously, let me know if I can ever be of any help. Language tapes are always a good way to get immersed in a new tongue (should know, greek is my 6th one).
Btw, that would be “je n’ai point de commentaire aujourd’hui”
Bonne chance ma chere, tu vas y arriver!!!
pleins de bisous
ROTFPMPLMFAO @ La mere du Snacké
Every once in a while, someone asks if I can handle French language radio interviews. Let’s just say the answer is “non.”
Dani….I figure they way they teach french is wrong…although yours seems a little better. I live in La Belle Province and can only handle ordering a “Hambuger, frite pi un coke ” at the best of times. I want to learn French badly becasue I feel I’m missing out on something. MY pronouncation is soooo bad that my own dd will correct me and then give up becasue I can’t say it with the right inflection! hurrrmphhh! I want to learn it without sitting in a classroom bored to tears because they are teaching me verbs again…Just talk damn it! OH yeah when I did take a course back eons ago they said you should just talk and THINK In the lang, don’t translate screws you up everytime!
Bonne Chance ma belle (Bet that was said and wrote wrong too)
Danigirl,
I know exactly how you feel. I took my french test last fall and sat quietly for the longest time. Unfortunately, this was also the time that I was supposed to be orally answering questions being asked of me.
It’s been a long time since an inanimate object made me feel dumb. There are certainly things in life that are more humbling. At the time, I couldn’t imagine what those other things were. One day I’ll show that tape who’s boss! Good luck to you. Je te parle avec le fromage!