Bits

So I’m changing the baby’s toddler’s littlest terror’s diaper the other day, and of course as soon as the diaper is open he’s got his hand down there groping his bits. (What? You want a blog post on a Friday, this is what you get.)

He tells me as I finish wiping him down and wrapping things back up, “It’s MY ding-a-ling!” with a mischievous grin. I think of the various tactics I could take, including but not limited to launching a discussion on personal privacy, hygiene, social norms, or simply the fact that I made him and therefore by default everything that he is belongs to me, and instead decide to go for the linguistic angle. Because I do believe in kids calling things by their right names, even though I admit to nearly endless personal amusement at the various names for the male anatomy.

“Yes,” I reply in my most didactic tone. “That’s your penis.”

“No!” he laughs, practically braying in delight. “It’s my willy willy whacker!”

Oy. He is such a third child.

And the very next day on Twitter, I eavesdropped on a bit of a conversation that revolved around what a young girl might call her private parts. The term in question was “front bum,” one I admit to finding a little less than enlightened.

Is it really possible we’ve never mined the rich topic of the naming of private parts around here? Do tell me, bloggy peeps: how literal are you with your kids? Do they get the Gray’s (as opposed to Grey’s) Anatomy version, or are you more euphemistic in your descriptions?