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by DaniGirl on November 27, 2008 · 15 comments

in It IS all about me

Gah. In the middle of a bit of a storm here, emotionally speaking. Feeling some kind of emotional flu, desperate and frustrated and overwhelmed. Really think that if I could just get some of this crap out of my head, I’d feel much better, but I can’t get 10 minutes to myself anywhere, let alone at the keyboard. That is 99.8% of the problem, to be honest. While I wouldn’t trade my life in a minute, I sure wish I had some fresh air right now. I have not been out of arms reach of my beautiful baby for more than 35 minutes in the past five days. Literally. He gets up when I get up, only naps in short bursts after much rocking, and now wakes up shortly after he goes to bed again. He only settles if I’m in the bed beside his cradle. It’s making me more than a little squirrelly, let alone snappish, which makes me feel guilty, which makes me feel ashamed, which makes me whiney, which makes me unpleasant to be around. Yanno?

It doesn’t last forever. It doesn’t last forever. He’ll be young for such a very short time. This will not last forever, and some day I’ll look back and wonder what my problem was. But right now, I wish I could breathe.


{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 daysgoby November 27, 2008 at 8:33 pm

Oh, Dani. I know how you feel. Sending a big hug and a sympathetic ear your way.

2 Jen November 27, 2008 at 9:45 pm

Sending you a big hug – it can be SO so emotionally overwhelming when you’re right in the thick of it – take good care of you.

3 Marla November 27, 2008 at 10:18 pm

Oh, I think he’s right on schedule. Between nine and twelve months, I couldn’t turn my back on Josie in a room without a melt-down. All will be well. I hope our visit isn’t too much, and that he’ll let me hold him for a bit while you get some air. And if we’re too much, just let me know!

4 Chantal November 27, 2008 at 10:35 pm

I know. We know. It’s okay.

5 Mad November 27, 2008 at 11:23 pm

Hey. I remember those days of suffocation. Chin up, girl. You’ll make it through.

BTW, my captcha is “Mountain shaking.” Yes, indeed, but she will continue to stand.

6 Chichimama November 28, 2008 at 6:32 am

Hang in there. That is an awful stage. I remember sitting on A’s floor trying to read book by her nightlight for hours on end, because she would wake up the second I tried to move.

7 Kathleen November 28, 2008 at 7:10 am

Yep, and it’s not as if it is strollering weather out there, either.
It will be over soon, but you have lots of sympathy.

8 cinnamon gurl November 28, 2008 at 7:35 am

Oh I remember those days, but I don’t wonder what my problem was. This is hard, hard stuff. Take care!

9 Cait November 28, 2008 at 8:13 am

I’m a kick-ass babysitter. Just say the word and I’m over there and you and your Beloved are off to dinner and a movie. Seriously.

10 suze November 28, 2008 at 8:35 am

Big hugs.

11 Emma November 28, 2008 at 8:44 am

I’m still fresh from that – though back at work with 13 month old in daycare – it’s only weeks since that was me. I feel your pain!

12 Lee November 28, 2008 at 10:26 am

*hugs*

13 Cath November 28, 2008 at 10:29 am

Boy am I with you – my husband actually came home from work for lunch yesterday to hold the 6 week old baby so I could stomp down Alta Vista and Pleasant Park for 20 minutes … it was just enough to get me through the day — but barely! Hang in there!

14 yvonne November 28, 2008 at 1:07 pm

I have a confession – I just came back from 3 days worth of business travel. While I was away, I kind of missed my kids but I walked back into a firestorm of moody, nasty 11 year old, crying and emotional 7 year old and will not wear winter cloting 5 year old. If I did not feel an obligation to save the soul of my spouse, I would have gone right back to British Columbia. And I feel terrible about having those feelings.
It must be the time of year – it is certainly NOT that we are bad mothers. Just emotionally tired.

15 Jody November 28, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Ack! I’m sorry. That’s the part of infant care that I forgot so, so quickly — and when I saw my sister and brother and their spouses with their new/young infants this summer, I wondered how something so bone-deep exhausting could be forgotten so soon.

I hope you get some relief very soon!

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