Pregnant thoughts

I don’t know about you, but I got really, really tired of seeing that picture of a pregnant Brittney Spears wearing a T-shirt that says, “I’ve got the golden ticket” with an arrow pointing to her belly. Then again, maybe I’m just bitter because I couldn’t pull that t-shirt over my leg on my skinniest day.

It got me thinking, though. If I were a maternity-wear designer, here’s what I would print on my fabulous, brightly-coloured and roomy-without-being-tentlike pregnancy t-shirts:

You’d be cranky too, if you spent all day and night
building ears and eyes and elbows.
If pregnancy were a book
they would cut the last two chapters.
(Nora Ephron)
Life is tough enough without having someone
kick you from the inside.
(Rita Rudner)
By far the most common craving of pregnant women
is not to be pregnant.
(Phyllis Diller)
Hey, are you going to eat that?

You can play along, too. Or, how about this one? Not too long ago Marla, the Oracle of the Arcane Corners of the Interweb, sent me this link to the collective names of just about every animal on the planet. Did you know, for example, that a group of magpies is called a tiding? Or that a group of geese in flight is called a skein? And I’ve always loved the idea of an ‘unkindness’ of ravens.
It begs the question: what do you call a group of bloggers?

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Author: DaniGirl

Canadian. storyteller, photographer, mom to 3. Professional dilettante.

22 thoughts on “Pregnant thoughts”

  1. I believe my suggestion was for a “peckity peck’ of bloggers. You know, the sound of fingers on a keyboard.
    However, in your case, you would be of the “peckity peck double thumb twack” blogger variety.

  2. I believe my suggestion was for a “peckity peck’ of bloggers. You know, the sound of fingers on a keyboard.
    However, in your case, you would be of the “peckity peck double thumb twack” blogger variety.

  3. For a tee-shirt?
    A fill in the blank form, and a fabric marker provided, with the following anticipated questions answered.
    Yes, I am.
    We don’t know yet, and none of your business.
    No,it’s not my first.
    Due: ___________
    Don’t touch it.
    Yes, I would like your seat on public transit.
    Yes, I would like some Lays Old Fashioned Barbecue Potato Chips please.

  4. For a tee-shirt?
    A fill in the blank form, and a fabric marker provided, with the following anticipated questions answered.
    Yes, I am.
    We don’t know yet, and none of your business.
    No,it’s not my first.
    Due: ___________
    Don’t touch it.
    Yes, I would like your seat on public transit.
    Yes, I would like some Lays Old Fashioned Barbecue Potato Chips please.

  5. If you feel lucky…rub
    Keep talking while I puke.
    Yes this is what happens when you stick your legs in the air.
    I love what’s on the inside, you; I’m not so crazy about.
    Gee maybe I shoul put these on a tshirt and pass a few around at Miranda’s School. She’s a peer helper and they were passing out Condoms yesterday and one girl said she could use a box of 50 in a week. HA! One young MAN for lack of a polite word asked Miranda to show him how to put it on.
    Good ones Dani. Maybe we should go into buiness. 😉 We could blog to sell them.

  6. If you feel lucky…rub
    Keep talking while I puke.
    Yes this is what happens when you stick your legs in the air.
    I love what’s on the inside, you; I’m not so crazy about.
    Gee maybe I shoul put these on a tshirt and pass a few around at Miranda’s School. She’s a peer helper and they were passing out Condoms yesterday and one girl said she could use a box of 50 in a week. HA! One young MAN for lack of a polite word asked Miranda to show him how to put it on.
    Good ones Dani. Maybe we should go into buiness. 😉 We could blog to sell them.

  13. Sadly, I had to say this to complete strangers near the end of my pregnancy.
    “Yes, I am sure there is just one in there.”
    And this would be one I would wear around family and friends who had an opinion on what name we chose.
    “Tinkerbell if it’s a girl. Peter Pan if it’s a boy.”
    This one I would wear for a couple of weeks after birth when there is a revolving door for good intenioned well wishers who want to coo and giggle and wake your sleeping baby while eating the apple crumble the previous well wisher brought. And spilling it on your carpet!
    “Do my laundry.
    Seriously.”

  14. Sadly, I had to say this to complete strangers near the end of my pregnancy.
    “Yes, I am sure there is just one in there.”
    And this would be one I would wear around family and friends who had an opinion on what name we chose.
    “Tinkerbell if it’s a girl. Peter Pan if it’s a boy.”
    This one I would wear for a couple of weeks after birth when there is a revolving door for good intenioned well wishers who want to coo and giggle and wake your sleeping baby while eating the apple crumble the previous well wisher brought. And spilling it on your carpet!
    “Do my laundry.
    Seriously.”

  17. These are fabulous! Here’s one:
    “Please step away from the belly.” (then the shirt will have an alarm that goes off when people approach too closely. the alarm will sound like a screaming baby. ha!)

  18. These are fabulous! Here’s one:
    “Please step away from the belly.” (then the shirt will have an alarm that goes off when people approach too closely. the alarm will sound like a screaming baby. ha!)

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