I’m watching America’s Got Talent again. (I know, I know – I can’t help myself. It’s been on three weeks and I’ve mentioned it three times already. What can I say, I’m hooked. It’s like chips and dip – I know I shouldn’t, but I just can’t help myself, especially when there’s no other worthy distractions around.)
Leonid the sparkly Slavic sword balancer with the pink wings (!) has just skipped across the stage after an emotional plea that actually left me choked up. Really. I blame my hormones.
Actually, it’s something the previous contestant said that resonates with me. He was the rather disturbing looking contortionist-guitar player, and one of the judges asked him, ‘What would make you learn how to do something like this?’
He shrugged and said, ‘I just need the attention, I guess.’
Yep, that’s why I blog. I just need the attention, I guess. Hell, that’s not just why I blog, that’s my life!
But really what I’ve been thinking about is that I need a special talent like that. Not so much the contortionist guitar player, but what about the guy who balanced the stove on his face, or the guy with the parrot hiding in the pretty coloured scarves, or the guy with the flaming bowling ball and the scorpion in his pants? I mean, really!
Everybody should have a parlour trick, a hidden talent, something you only do after two or three beers that always impresses people the first time you do it but annoys the hell out of your significant other, who knows when you haul out that tired old trick that it must be nearly time to find your coats and shoes and get the hell out of there before you decide you are best buddies with the other drunk guy in the corner talking to the plant.
Not that it would earn me a million dollars, but people always seem impressed that I can clap with one hand. (It’s a lot of fun to get a whole dinner party table waving flapping their wrists around, trying to do it. Dang, now you’re never going to invite me over for a dinner party, are you?)
And I can do that lipstick thing that Molly Ringwald did in The Breakfast Club, but now that I’ve breastfed two babies and my 34Ds have become 34 longs, it ain’t so pretty to see anymore.
What’s your hidden talent?
My hidden talent is going to stay hidden. FOr a LONG time.
(That because I don’t have one.)
We’ve been trying that one hand clapping thing ever since you showed us, was it only last week? I can *almost* sorta even do it!
I can clap with one hand too!!!!!!!!
Oh, and I can also make my eyes go in different directions. I think that one’s more gross than anything else tho.
If you come to my next dinner party and demonstrate your one-handed clapping talent, I’ll show you each of my many hidden talents. Please leave your Molly Ringwald lipstick talent at home. 😉
I can make farting noises with my hands!
D – How can you even think that your ‘sound of one hand clapping’ is a hidden talent??? I’ve seen you show it off to perfect strangers in malls and ballparks across Ontario! Anyway, you know me well enough to know that any talent I have is rarely hidden — you and I can compete on the ‘need attention’ scale…
I gotta tell ya, I love that show, some of the stuff I’ve seen has had me rolling on the floor. That is one American show I wish some network in Canada would try and rip off 🙂
I can make a tub of ice cream disappear in twenty minutes.
OH Marla’s is good!