Ah, there’s nothing like a good meltdown to clear your head. Maybe the toddlers are on to something?
Apparently, I’m not taking this whole frostie thing with the zen detachment I thought I was. I was talking to a friend today, my knickers in a twist supposedly about all the *other* things I’m trying to balance right now (new job, new French lessons, pending holidays – I’ve got a list as long as my arm right now) and when I lost it and choked up and eventually started leaking around the eyes (isn’t it absolutely mortifying to cry at work?), I really thought it was about my new French teacher. She’s new, painfully new, I’m her first-student-ever kind of new.
Except, I was riding the bus home after work, and I couldn’t stop crying. Not hysterical, hitching sobbing… I was just sitting there, looking at the river and the passing scenery, except I couldn’t stop the steady stream of tears running down my face, and I realized that the point at which I actually started to cry, we weren’t discussing my French lessons at all – we were discussing my pending mock-cycle ultrasound to check my lining. And everytime I would settle down and get myself under control again, I’d idly think about frostie or the ultrasound or the goddam OPKs, and I’d start crying again.
Hey, I only took one year of psychology, but I don’t think you need to be Dr Freud to figure this one out. Besides, really, who cries about French class?
Okay, I admit it, I’m not zen. I’m officially freaked out about the frostie cycle.
I’m freaked out because I peed on three OPK sticks yesterday and none were obviously positive and then I peed on another one this morning and the line was practically non-existant so I called the clinic in a panic saying, “I must have surged yesterday, is it too late?”
I’m freaked out because I feel terrible that I haven’t been actively doing everything I can to make this cycle a success. I could have been taking vitamins, or eating protein to boost my lining, or taking viagara (apparently that helps the lining thicken, too) or doing accupuncture or about 100 other things I’ve seen the girls on the IVF boards doing to improve their chances of success. We could pay for assisted hatching, or ask about embryo glue. But we’re not. We’re just doing this, letting nature take its course.
It suddenly doesn’t seem natural, it seems apathetic. And that’s no way to prepare yourself for a pregnancy, for a future life.
Crap, crying again. Fucking hormones – and not even artificially boosted hormones. 100 per cent me. Good gods, the mother guilt has crept beyond the mothering era, beyond the pregnancy, into the pre-conception period.
I’m freaked out because I want this baby with my whole heart, and my whole heart is terrified of having another child. How can I feel both ends of the spectrum with complete intensity? I’m completely invested and absolutely ambivalent. I want both outcomes, and neither.
I do feel better, having cleansed my emotional plumbing with a good cry. And I’m going to try really hard to go back to my zen “the universe will make the right choice for us” attitude.
In fact, forget the viagara, the vitamins, the accupuncture. It seems what I really need is a clown – the type with a red nose, floppy shoes and rainbow hair. According to this article, “after introducing clown therapy to patients having in-vitro fertilization, doctors at Assaf Harofeh Medical Center in Zerifin, Israel, said the conception rate rose from 20 to 35 percent. (…) The scientists, who submitted their research to the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology meeting, had set out to see if humor could reduce the stress and anxiety of the IVF treatment, particularly after the embryo had been transferred to the woman’s womb. A smile, a few jokes and magic tricks was enough to get them to laugh, and in some cases, conceive.”
So, bloggy friends, have at it. What’s your best joke today?
Jokes…ahummm…Not good at jokes…but here we go with Nathan’s altime fav
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Car go varoom varooom.
Crying is good and I felt the same way with my forsties..wanted with all my heart but terrifed that I couldn’t handle another child soo soon after Nathan. The rest shall we say is history. The universe knew what to do with me. And they will with you.
Not my best, but the only one that comes to mind that’s not dirty.
A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’?”
He replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with ‘If elected I promise’.”
Clown? Did someone mention clown? If you’re talking about clowns, you’ve got to be talking about me. After all, where would you find a bigger clown?
Soooooo, talk a big gulp of milk and make sure your nose isn’t plugged up (eew).
Two pies are sitting in an oven. One pie turns to the other and says, “Man it’s hot in here!” The other pie looks at him and says, “Oh my God! It’s a talking pie!”
Okay, okay…that wasn’t so good. How about this (for all you pirate fans): A pirate walks into a bar. He’s got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey Byron (’cause that’s his name), you know you’ve got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?” Byron says, “Argh, I knoooow. It’s drivin’ me nuts” (note to reader – you really need to say that with a pirate’s voice for full effect)
Anyway, I hope those helped. Cheer up there Danigirl. It will all work out. You’ll see.
This picture:
http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2006/06/21/fr_desperate.jpg
(He’s Australian)
Snuggly girl came out with this one the other day:
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
pa-dump-dump
I giggled at the pie joke, batman.
Do you know about “Sven and Ole” or “Ole and Lena” jokes? They’re a big thing in Minnesota, anyway. Here goes:
Sven and Ole are going out for a night on the town (this was back before Ole and Lena were married, you know). Ole comes to pick up Sven, and drives up in a brand new car.
Sven says, “Ole! Where’d you get this car?”
Ole says, “Well, last night, Lena and I went on a date. Lena had this new car, and suggested we go parking. So, we parked the car, and Lena took off all her clothes. She said, ‘You can have anything you want, Ole.’
“So I took the car.”
Sven says, “That’s a good thing you did there, Ole, because her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
The best I got, and a true story, too:
So the other night my husband and I are out for supper with some friends, a lesbian couple. I’m going on about my recent acquisition of a new-to-me red sedan from Sweden, pretty much my dream car. I couldn’t understand at first why the three of them were incapacitated with laughter until I realized I had said:
“I can’t wait for you guys to come over so we can play with my new Volvo”
Hope it helps!
Take care, Dani
I think it was the moon yesterday. I also melted, trying to convince Aiden that mommy had something in her eye(s) and WAS NOT completely overwhelmed with the demands of life. I think we need a desert island, with all the amenities and separated from the rest of the world.
Like water off a ducks back baby … let it be, let it be … Well, you know the rest.
Oh, I’ve so had those days when I just could not stop crying. Hormones, worries, unresolved whatsits, no matter what the reason having your eyeballs leak throughout the day is annoying. I’ve been that way on and off for the last couple of weeks (I’m trying to get pregnant too right now. I don’t haven any fertility issues thankfully but am still emotional.)
Here’s the only joke I know…
Q: Why were the three little ink spots crying?
A: Because their mother was still in the pen and they didn’t know how long the sentence would be.
D –
You knew you could count on me coming up with something, right? We’ve already covered bar jokes, knock knock jokes, chicken crossing the road jokes, and pirate jokes..not many genre’s left to choose, except a good old fashioned ‘dirty’ one….
A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn’t have any screws for it, so he asked her ”Do you want a screw for that hinge?”
She looked back at him and said ”No, but I’ll blow you for that toaster in the window.’
Okay, Dani, this will be long, but I like it. Down here, we tell ‘Boudreaux and Thibodeaux’ jokes. Too good Cajun names in La. Anyway, Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and Daigrepont all lived next door to each other on the bayou.
One day, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got in their pirogue to go fishin’. They started loading up all kinds of cats in the boat. Daigrepont was watching all of this and said, ‘Man, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, what are y’all doin’? Boudreaux said we’re goin’ catch some catfish so we’re taking these cats. Daigrepont said ‘That ain’t never gonna work’.
So, off they went. They come back at sundwon, their boat loaded down with catfish.
The next morning, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux start loading all kinds of shoes in their boat, and Daigrepont says ‘Man, what y’all doin’ now?’ and Thibodeaux says, ‘Well, Daigrepont, we’re goin’ fishin’ for some shoepick (a kind of fish down here, I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of these, Dani). Daigrepont says, ‘That ain’t never gonna work’. They come back at sundown with the boat full of shoepick and Daigrepont just shakes his head in amazement.
The next day, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux start to load some pussywillows in their boat.
Daigrepont says ‘Hold on, guys, let me put my shoes on, I’m comin’ wit’ ya!’.
Cheer up, Dani!
Jeez, not only funny but an education in Cajun and midwestern-American culture to boot! You guys are a riot!!
(Trust Fryman to come up with the dirty one!! And Batman, I’ve been talking to myself with a pirate accent all day… it’s a surprisingly entertaining way to amuse yourself!)
xo Dani
Argh, I know. It’s darn near impossible to rid yerself of an accent like that. Arrr
Oh, dear – I’m late chiming in. Do you still need a joke? A Hug? My two favourites (and they BOTH just HAPPEN to be about senior citizens having sex!):
*************
An old man and an old lady were sitting on a park bench. He said to her, “Would you put your hand on my knee?”
She figured, well, who was going to care about her reputation at her age. So she did.
Then he asked her to put her hand on his thigh. Slightly flustered, but game, she did.
Then he asked her to put her hand on his crotch.
She blushed terribly, but was already feeling kind of daring – so she did.
He thanked her, and left.
The next evening bereft of company, the old lady walked past the same bench, and saw the old man pressing another even older woman with his questions.
Heartbroken, shamed and confused, she cried to him “I don’t understand! What has she got that I haven’t got?!”
He replied: “Parkinson’s.”
***Thank you sir! May I have another?***
Izzy and Sheckie were making mad passionate love in a broom closet in the retirement home.
Things were getting hot and heavy, and Izzy cried out “Oy! Sheckie! Be careful! I have acute angina!”
And Sheckie said “Good, because your tits are horrible!”
Ba dump bump.
(Am sending hugs, sympathy pees, and cute pictures of my daughter to you to think about as you wait for Frostie)