Silken Laumann is a Canadian Olympic medalist , national sport hero and, more importantly, mother to two kids, age six and eight. She’s here in Ottawa promoting a new book called Child’s Play: Rediscovering the Joy of Play in Our Families and Communities. One of her key messages caught me by surprise, coming from a former professional althlete: take your kids out of organized sports. [Edited to add: according to an e-mail I received from Silken’s Active Kids, the Citizen actually attributed this idea incorrectly. The e-mail stated: “Silken is not suggesting that we pull our children out of organised sport. Silken is encouraging all of us to create more opportunites to allow our kids to play so they experience joy from movement and in time will want to pursue more a more organised sport.”] She argues that kids need to face long stretches of unstructured time with no organized activities, when kids should be outside the house playing, riding their bikes and having fun moving their bodies for the sheer joy of it.
In theory, I love this idea. I wasn’t the most athletic kid (in fact, it was a heady day that I wasn’t the last one picked for a team) but I still have the most wonderful memories of riding my bike all over the neighbourhood by the time I was six or seven years old, and running in a big pack of neighbourhood kids. We played hockey in the street, skated on the frozen pond in the empty field, played tag and hide and seek and all sorts of those games. I even walked to school from the time I was in junior kindergarten, by myself.
The problem, of course, is that we’re not in the 1970s anymore, Toto. It makes me so very sad to think that my boys won’t have this kind of freedom to roam. On the weekend, we conceded two major milestones to Tristan’s eventual freedom. We let him ride his bike (on the sidewalk, of course) all the way to the stop sign and back by himself. Total distance of about six driveways. And the first three times, I pretended to be busy in the garden but instead hunched behind the car and watched him the whole time.
Later in the weekend, he asked if he could stay out and play by himself while I went in to start dinner. It was the first time he was allowed to stay out in the front yard unsupervised, and when we heard the screech of car tires on the road a few minutes later, Beloved and I nearly died of fright – but the car was at the stop sign and Tristan was safely on his bike in the garage. My heart still constricts at the memory.
Silken Laumann’s book, which I am about to request from the library and haven’t yet read, provides 20 pages of information, resources and ideas on getting kids to be physically active without registering them for swimming, soccer, T-ball and hockey. She suggests parents organize “Play in the Park” evenings, where one or two parents supervise a whole group of children. Isn’t this what parents in our parents’ generation did instinctively? Now there’s a ‘not my kid, not my problem’ mentality at the park, from what I’ve seen.
In an article in today’s Citizen, Silken acknowledges that our culture of fear has led us to organize and structure our children’s lives. She says, “It’s about starting a dialogue, where people are asking, what are we doing with our kids? Could kids walk to school again? How can we get them playing in the parks and open spaces of our community again? We show people how.”
I am 100% behind this idea, which even has its own Web site with a community action plan, an activity guide and a movement you can start where you live. I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of kids getting out and being physically active, but I have mixed feelings about organized sports. (I started to go on for a bit on my angst over organized sports, but I think I’ll save that for a whole ‘nother post.)
The weather has been so unbelievably gorgeous the past couple of weeks, and there isn’t an evening we’ve stayed in the house. We go to the park, we go for a bike ride/wagon pull, we play in the driveway. The house is a disaster and I’m woefully behind on laundry, but when the sky is clear and the temperatures above freezing, I can’t convince myself, let alone my preschoolers, to stay inside.
I think kids are hardwired to want to run and ride and play. So what happens? Do they become jaded to play as they age, or is it something we’re doing that discourages it? Does all this rigourous scheduling of activities make kids lazy when someone isn’t directing their energies? And then, of course, there’s the whole issue of the kids being able to entertain themselves and think creatively without parental intervention, which I haven’t even touched on but which is a huge concern of mine.
I’m interested in your thoughts on this one. My kids are just on the threshold of this kind of thing, taking tentative baby steps out of my yard and into the big world, and I’m full of thoughts on how the world should be, just like I was full of righteous ideas on handling fussy eaters and non-sleepers and tantrums in public — before I had my own to deal with!
I’ve got all sorts of themes tangled together in here, but I’m interested (as always) in your thoughts. When do you let your kids play outside unsupervised? Do you / would you let them walk to school, or the corner store? At what age do you think they’d be ready for that? Is ‘stranger danger’ more frightening than obesity and heart disease and diabetes and the other worst-case outcomes from inactive living? Is it naive to think we can make enough of a difference in our communities to allow our kids the kind of freedom we enjoyed?
(edit: this will be a two part comment)
Knowing where I live and the location of our park, you can understand when I say we spend a lot of time there. Since it is such a focal point of the community we have been lucky in that “commmunity parenting” seems the norm. It is not uncommon for a parent and kids to show up with a soccer ball, a game to start and that parent monitors general behaviour. While at the same time another parent will watch over younger siblings playing in the sand.
While I believe in the benefits of organized team sports I also agree with the concpet of free play.
As our eldest has aged, we have actually reduced the number of organized activites during the summer months. He now spends most nights wandering with the pack. Street hocky occurs across the park at his best friends house, basketball in our driveway, biking around the park.
At 8 our eldest is allowed to roam the park and a few select houses by himself. He has also been allowed to bike out of site to another friends several streets away The 5 year old can play at the park by himself, but one of us needs to be in the front yard or porch watching. The youngest, well he requires 3 parents and a well trained sheep dog.
One thing we have here that I really like (in theory, haven’t had the opportunity/need to try it out yet) is the Walking School Bus. It’s for kids who live within walking distance, and there is an adult volunteer or two who gathers kids up on a route to the school so there’s lots of kids walking with adult supervision, to and from school. They get their exercise and parents can relax.
I think there are two things (and she probably gets into them–will have to check out her book!):
1. The culture of fear. And it is a culture. It’s not reality. Most crime statistics are way, way below where they were in the 1970s. Our kids are much safer than they used to be. But we know more, and the media is much scarier, and ….
2. Parents are held to a much higher and more publically accountable standard. In some ways this is good: we wouldn’t tolerate a woman smacking her kids around in public. But in some ways it’s awful: we expect parents to be able to keep their kids safe by sheer force of will and vigilance. I remember when those two boys drowned near Guelph last summer–do you?–in a CA while swimming in the lake and their mom was on the beach. And someone wrote a letter to the paper saying, why was that woman on the beach? She should have been in the water! You should never be farther than arm’s reach when your kids are swimming!
Basically she was blamed for her sons’ drowning deaths because, in this letter writer’s estimation, she was not vigilant enough.
But the fact is that dangerous and scary things happen and parents can do nothing about most of them. But we all feel like we need to demonstrate to the world that we are doing everything we can, that it’s part of good parenting to leave no stone unturned in the eternal quest to reduce risk to 0.
This is a good topic! I’ll shut myself up and maybe blog about it sometime next week. 😉
Just wanted to drop a comment to let you know how much I like your blog, and appreciate it. I will no longer read ninepounddictator due to a horrific posting there the other day called Mother High. I was appalled and horrified by it, and felt sick for her child, but one good thing that blog did was direct me to you and to other intelligent blogs written by women who are real, hands-on, loving and non-selfish mothers. I have two children and I can related to so much of what you’ve written here. Thank you! I will tune in regularly. Your blog is great.
Oooh ooh. Great post Dani. I will have to think and come back to comment. I am really interested in what other parents have to say about this…
This is all jumbled because I haven’t had a sip of coffee yet:
Ya, I love to travel back in my mind to my mom screaming at the top of her lungs “I don’t care if you are the last one to be found and it’ll ruin the game, the street lights have been on for an hour. Get your butt inside.”
I want to be able to give Amelia this freedom but right now my heart stops at the thoguht. Of course it could be because she is only 14 months old and I can’t imagine a time when she won’t need me every single second. I played organized sports and it was a HUGE part of my life and it built up confidence and my social life and all that crap. But I only started playing when I was 12. So really it was more of my high school life.
I did study Irish dancing from the age of 6 until 12 when I chose basketball and broke my dear mum’s heart. Even then I practiced every day it was after school, kind of like an extension to school hours. I was home in time to play before dinner.
My nieces play soccer. They are 14 and 11 and are each in two leagues all year round. They play every day and games are on the weekends. They have NO time to be kids. I see how it affects them. It’s not pretty. I won’t do that to Amelia.
I think we need to get back to organized sports in schools instead of city teams. In my experience only, school teams take up less family time. Practices are ofetn beefore or right after school and games are after school with a very few on weekends. JMHO.
Hey Ubergeek, you don’t have to edit yourself anymore – unlimited commenting space for only $12 a year!! Take it as a personal challenge, if you like! 😉
Andrea, I’ve heard of the walking school bus idea, and I love it. I hadn’t heard about that story in Guelph – very sad, and horrible that she got blamed. Ping me if/when you post more of your thoughts and I’ll link to you.
Jacy, welcome and thank you for your kind words. The post you mentioned really upset me, and I decided it’s just better if I avoid her blog altogether from now on, but I couldn’t help but make that one last comment. And now I’m glad I did!!
Oops, and hello to the other Andrea and Jojo, who popped in while I was typing. Jojo, very interesting thoughts – and I had no idea you were a dancer!! The things you learn…
Oh Dani, I love this post. It’s a topic that’s been on my mind for a while. At a park near us, there are permanent hopscotch tiles, and I am so happy to play this with Josie.
We chose our home in part because of the park across the street and the fenced in back yard, with great neighbours and a good community all around – in the heart of the city, no less. But I still can’t have her out of my sight (well, not at two – and later on, probably not either) for one minute because the world sucks. A perv was caught at a nearby supermarket with the equivalent of Pee Wee Herman’s shoe mirrors – taking pictures up little girls’ skirts – hiding and ducking down between displays to do it.
What I miss is something that correlates to it – our stress levels as parents. When I was out, just out playing, my mom got a million things done.
I totally agree – my favorite memories from childhood are of roaming free with my pack, organizing games and activities as the mood took us.
I’ve read discussions of this “program it for them” trend that point to the fact that free play with peers is what teaches kids to get along – that kids whose every moment is programmed with organized sports, when presented with free time, can’t organize themselves into groups, pick team leaders, delegate responsibilities, etc. IT’s going to make for interesting workplaces, down the line.
But the problem is, for those of us who want our kids to play freely, that if all the other kids are being constantly programmed, watched, not allowed to go outside a parent’s sight … who will our kids play with? Where will their pack come from?
Dani: I’m with you. I am avoiding it from now on altogether. And won’t miss it due to great blogs like yours. Thanks again.
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!
I can sit comfortably on both sides of the organized vs. non-organized activities. I feel there are so many pros & cons to both. I do also believe it comes with age. Not as necessary at a younger age, but I do believe once they are older (teen years) that being in an organized activity, it teaches prioritization and time allocation skills. I don’t care if it is something athletic or ont, team sport ot individual, music or chess, model building or debate club. They will be VERY STRONGLY encouraged to do something extracurricular.
Now with kids who are not quite 4 years old. We do the ‘organized’ activities like swimming lessons (cause I think it is very important to start early on that one); we have been going to the Tuesday morning story hour at the library since they were 6 months old (library nice place for everyone, encourages reading, puzzles, craft), and just this year we started skating lessons, cause we are grooming NHL players (according to their dad) but the actual reason being, what better family activity in the winter is skating or tobogganing followed by the warmth of hot chocolate.
I do not like the idea of overcrowding schedules, although it may sound like we do, 30 minutes/day isn’t too much for me, also a nice outing for us all.
Yesterday? Was a stellar day, we free-played outside for 5 straight hours. It was terrific. Right now I have to go as I am knee deep in a game of mailman using 2.5 month old Valentine cards, then we are going bike riding, then we have swimming lessons, then we are going out for ice cream. Not a bad day.
GREAT post Dani….but I have more to say….
OK I’ll bite…as for the playing outside unattended, we are just starting such but ONLY in the backyard (fenced in) and I have all the windows open so I can hear them. It isn’t for long stretches of time, but it is a start. My biggest problem is that they fight over something and attention is required before someone gets sand or bubble juice poured over their heads.
I do remember growing up, walking to school 1 mile each way four times/day ALONE as young as 5 years old. We just did. Then we’d play outside ALONE a group of 7 year old girls. At 8 we were allowed to walk or ride our bikes ALONE to the park, and play there for hours.
I can’t predict at what age our boys will be able to do that. It practically breaks my heart watching the neighbourhood parents walking a mere 5 houses to the corner to meet their 10, 8, 6 year olds at the bus stop to walk them home safely. Will I be doing that? I can’t say…it is just so different.
I may be back on this one.
I’ll sit on both sides of the fence on this one too.
As a former competitive athlete, I can see many reasons for structured physical activity. Even though my sport of choice is often associated with eating disorders (I think more a media construct), I never suffered from one moment of self-esteem/body issues while competing because I was having so much fun and was in love with what I could make my body do. I also gained an understanding of self-discipline (which has carried through my life), commitment and the sense of accomplishment that comes from working hard at something.
At the same time, I really feel we are heading down a dangerous path these days with kids and programming. In our day, the focus was on the skills and learning, not so much the games (ie, winning) and competing. From what I understand, it’s tough to find boys’ hockey programs that are made up of anything but game, after game with very little skills practice time. Unfortunate.
On letting kids play outside alone/walk to school…I LOVE the walking schoolbus idea. Love it. And, I really want my kids to be able to play outside with other kids in the neighbourhood (they do, I’m just outside with them when they’re in the front yard). But just when I was starting to think I was really crazy about the fear thing, there was an abduction attempt (the 5th in our town since January) by a WOMAN of a young boy — right at the top of MY STREET!!! She used the old “Your mother is sick. Get in the van and I’ll take you to her” routine. It actually happens! Police warnings have been going out to all the neighbourhood schools, and kids are learning about “strangers” long before I wish they had to.
This was way too close to home for me, and I live in a very nice, quiet, suburban neighbourhood. I really think the world is a different place today. It saddens me to believe this is true, but not as much as it would sadden me if something ever happened to my kids.
I just think there’s a big difference between being there, and being involved in your kids’ play. Just because I’m outside watching, doesn’t mean I’m breaking up the fights or directing their play. I try to make sure they have the freedom to play the way they want to, I just want to be able to see them while they do it. Call me crazy, but for now it works for us.
I too sit on both sides. For us, “A” didn’t start going to the park and bike riding out of our sight alone until he was 7 or 8. The park at our other house was out of sight and “A” was never allowed to play alone outside at his mothers.
As for “J”, well he will never leave my side ;). Truth be told he now goes out back to play. The yard is fenced and secure, I am always just inside the door getting myself ready to go out with him or getting something ready to bbq. He is NEVER outside alone for more than 5 minutes or so and I am NEVER out of sight (I thought I should emphasize this, just because). At the same time, I have been using this opportunity to help him with his playing without Mommy. It has been great. Once our pool goes up this will no longer occur, but for now it works. Will I ever let him go to the park, that I can see from my kitchen window, alone? I will have to let you know in a few more years. Will he be allowed to walk to school alone? Maybe one day.
For now, as long as the weather is good, Hubby usually spends evenings outside playing with “J”, I join too if I am not tired from spending all day out there alreay.
Organized sports. I did join a few, but only when I was old enough to get there myself. Having younger siblings my Mom and Dad could not drive us all over the place, so if we wanted to go we had to walk or ride bikes. So, I would say when I was 12 or 13 I started soccer and dance. “A” started a bit younger, but it was a social thing for his mother to go to soccer and hang out with her friends, same with hockey, he didn’t want to play anymore, but his Mom wants the social aspect of it.
“J” will have to wait. Swimming for sure, skating maybe we will have to see next year. Soccer, hockey and football, will all have to wait until he can play a little better. Golf, anytime 😉
I could go on and on about this subject too. I feel very strongly about kids experiencing the same type of childhood as I did. I have taken many early childhood college courses and it all comes back to….uninterrupted play is the best way for kids to learn. The teachers (parents included since they’re the best teachers of all) should be there to “support” the learning process, but should not be the center of attention. Basically, let the kids lead their play session and if they ask for something to support their play (paper, crayons, jumprope, bug jar, etc) then the adult can help out.
At what age should we let our kids roam the neighborhood? Of course every one has different opinions on this one and, for me, it depends on where you live(busy street? hopefully they can play in the back yard). I hear people all the time say that we don’t live in the same world as when we were kids. I don’t completely agree with this. Did kids get kidnapped and molested by the “friendly neighbor” back then? Sure. I don’t know if there is a change in statistics, but I do believe that the media is trying to use the scare tactic on parents. They know that concerned parents everywhere are going to tune in for the latest tragic story. These types of stories happened “way back” when, there just wasn’t the bombardment of media to support it back then.
Do I let my kids roam the neighborhood? Yes. Am I a concerned parent? You betcha. Do I worry that something (or somebody) might happen to them? Yes, but I don’t let this scare me into denying my children everything that I loved about being a kid. My kids are 8 and 12 (and they didn’t start going out by themselves until they were school aged). Just yesterday they walked down to the neighbor’s pond and went fishing (with much to tell upon returning)!
In one of my EC college courses, the instructor asked us to write down some of our favorite childhood memories. The whole class shared and it was unanimous…..they all involved open-ended, non-directed parent free play.
I really need to read that book now!
Sorry for clogging, but you asked for opinions!
roxanne
Ack. I have too much to say and can’t organize my thoughts. Everyone’s made so many good points here.
My girls are 7 and 5. They’re playing outside while I type. It’s hard, but I try to give them their space to play and not hover. They know that they aren’t to leave the property, shouldn’t speak to strangers, and that if they need something all they need to do is open the door… or holler, because I’m not that far away.
Last summer I was a whole lot more paranoid. But I forced myself to remember back when I was five and I roamed the neighborhood with friends and walked to school by myself. I did it back then, and I turned out ok. I push aside fears of kidnapping and cars losing control and careening onto the lawn…. let’s face it. Those things are very unlikely.
Perhaps this will change a little when they’re riding their bikes more.
Regardless, I think unstructured play is SO important. And I was thrilled to read that article today (thx for the link Dani) that the Wednesday evening “playtime” is happening at our neighborhood rec centre the top of our street.
Yay for play! We need more. Not less.
I do believe that kids are instinctively made to play. Fortunately I live in the midst of my entire family who have the mentality that it takes a village to raise a child and any trouble-bearing child is corrected by the nearest adult, any child in harms way is also pushed to safety by the nearest adult and any child caught doing a good deed is indeed praised by the nearest adult. It works well for my family for the most part.
My children are only 1 and 3 but are not allowed out the front door without someone because….well we live in the woods and their are snakes and creatures of the like to watch out for. Other than that, they spend an endless amount of time outdoors these days. I’m not much of a sit outdoors and enjoy the scenery kind of person but I can sit and watch these kids go down the same slide for hours. We are very far from a road which helps with that problem but of course..riding a bike on ther all-terrain front yard isn’t near as easy as it is on a sidewalk or driveway.
Either way, I think that organized sports have a place. As a physical education teacher, I believe that the life skills learned in organized play (such as physical education class) are endless. Outside of physical education class, some kids simply aren’t cut out for soccer and t-ball and the such and are much better at tennis or even badminton in the front yard.
I think it all comes down to a set of parents being realistic and not over-scheduling their child so that free-play is part of their day most days as much or more than organized sports. Think of it like this, if your child takes physical education at school everyday, or if you homeschool and you provide some outdoor playing or exercise time, then you or your school are benefiting the children in so many ways it is impossible to name them all. Go with your instinct, if you child wants to add t-ball or gymnastics to their day, and you can afford it, then let them, but let them make the call. If they don’t show any interest in either free play or organized sports, then it is time to see if maybe tv or computer games have taken too much of a toll on the child. That requires action on your part, otherwise, children should be able to self-regulate in most cases…should be…..key words there, should be…and with the guidance of an adult….they will!
I think the question of who will be in our free-playing kids’ pack while the rest of the peer group is off doing activities is a salient one. I used to hate how many activities I had as a kid; I longed for more down time. But in those days I was unusual for having so many extracurricular activities. My friends had much more time to hang out than I did.
Now? Already LG is unusual among his peers for having so few activities. It’s hard for LG to see much of his best friend because she has school and activities every day of the week — she’s four. The older kids who show up to the park and playground unaccompanied by parents often look unhappy, like they’re looking for trouble. It makes me worry a little bit about who will be around to hang out with, if my kids feel the same way about constant busyness as I did growing up.
Just stopping back in to say, WOW Dani. What great comments! What a lot to think about!
And maybe you should nudge Nancy about Part II. Remember Part II Nancy?
We specifically sought out a house to by that was in the safest nieghborhood possible. Being a mile back in our subdivision- we’re at the end of the road (cul-de-sac actually). Anyway, we’re so far back here, with just five close houses by that it’s pretty safe for the kids. I enjoy letting them run free between the neighbors homes. And with a such tight small amount neighbors – who all have kids — there’s always an adult outside to keep there keys on them. it takes a neighborhood to raise a kid. 🙂
in our case, i know we are very lucky
I definitely hope my kids will eventually play in the park, ride their bikes, climb trees, play catch and tag and all the like just as I did as a kid. Unless it was raining, I was playing outside and I was home when the street lights came on. I think Silken definitely has a point (though I still think it’s okay to get some time in organized sports, just not overschedule kids) and I hope it catches on.
I also know that I’m a worry wart and I’ll be the parent who finds an excuse to go for a run past the park I know they’ll be playing in. 🙂
Sheesh, not only are the comments WAY more interesting than my original thoughts on the matter (again!) but Marla even beat me to saying it!
Thank you all for making these conversaions so rich and so very interesting… I think today’s comments alone justified forking over the $$ for the extra commenting space!
xo Dani
None of my four kids have played any sort of organized sport. When they were very young, they hung out and did stuff in our fenced-in backyard — along with a bunch of neighbor kids. So they had unstructured play, but I could glance up from my book and see that they were all safe.
Now, of course, I’ve got this gang of teenagers at my house, and I don’t so much worry about their safety. They still do all kinds of stuff outside — ultimate frisbee, basketball, snow ramps, sledding, snow fights, etc.
I’d say that their level of freedom is not much different than mine was at the same age.
I am not necessarily against organized sports, but I am shocked at how many parents used to tell me that if I didn’t put my kids into organized sports they would never “learn to be self-disciplined” or “make friends.” They were wrong, of course.
I should add that I wonder if the fact that I have never had any big fear about the safety of my kids comes from the fact that I have lived in the same place my whole life — a community where I know most people.
The only things that used to make me worry about my children’s safety were fast-moving cars and swimming pools. Car accidents and drownings happen here every year. Kidnappings? Not so much.
Busted. By Marla.
OK. Um, many thoughts, too few fingers to type them all….
Ben is starting tball next week, he’ll be six and is just finishing kindergarten. Our neighbor is having a coniption because he doesn’t like organized sports and his six year old daughter is signed up too. Brian and I have no problem with it, it’s just play at this age. Plus, Ben’s school buddy’s dad is the coach, and he picked all Ben’s other school friends for the team. I really hope my boys don’t become “jocks” but they may. What can I do?
Outside… Brian and I have an ongoing argument about getting a fence. I want one, he doesn’t. Just in the last few weeks, I’ve let the boys out, watching them from inside. John’s less than 4 1/2, so I don’t trust him.
Moreso I don’t trust others. Theres a cluster of trees at the back of our property and behind that an old railbed that people walk on. They want to pave it and make it a bike path, but that’s another story. I’m just afraid someone will come down the path and grab one of the boys, and I won’t be able to see because of the trees. We’ve even talked about taking most of the trees/brush down for visibility.
Ben learned about stranger danger but he’s too young to grasp it. Just the other day, he was talking to a dad at the swing set and he walked over to me and said, “I know that guy!” And I’m like, “No you don’t.”
And I’ve asked him, “would you help a guy who needs to find his puppy? And who had some candy for you?” And I can see his little mind working. Of course he would! I try to explain to him that adults NEVER need a child’s help, but again, I think he’s too young to protect himself.
Great post and comments! I was lucky when my children were small because we lived across the street from the local park, then moved into student family housing – kids were 7, 5, & 3 – where they had the run of the common areas. There were so many of us with children that there was always an adult within earshot, and so many kids to play with, I had very little concern about letting them run throughout (the 3 year old of course had a much more limited range – within eyesight – for a few years, and we had no through streets – the only vehicles in the area were residents). They tell me stories now about all the things they did – some of which, like vandalizing a couple of trees, I wouldn’t have approved of if I’d known about them then, but they also have very fond memories of being able to run free with their friends.
At the same time, Saturdays were activity days, and each was allowed one sport or activity to participate in for that one day a week: gynmastics, dance, skating, karate, you name it. A couple took music lessons as well when they were in grade school.
Now they’re in high school or going off to university, and we live in a much larger and more open neighborhood but the question of structured time vs. unstructured time is still a big challenge. Each participates in a sport, which at the high school level means every day plus weekends. This means we limit them to a maximum of one additional activity e.g. school play, after school club at the most during sports season because otherwise we’d never see them!
Unstructured time remains a problem, even into their teen years. Right now, unstructured time offers the benefits of those “deep” philosophical discussions that you used to have with your friends in high school (or the not so deep discussions of movies, music, hair, makeup etc) but it also offers the opportunity for trouble-making, drug use, and sexual experimentation. I worry about this constantly. But I think it’s important to let kids/young adults have that unstructured time. It’s a risk, but much in life is a risk after all, and eventually, they have to make their own decisions about what kind of person they want to be and what kind of life they want. Communication about your expectations and the consequences of their choices that you’ve had with them throughout their lives is your only means of protecting them at this point.
A few months ago, I read a book that claimed that university students today are getting less out of their education because they have no “down” time in which to hang around the dorms, talking about life, classes and such but spend their time working part-time and even fulltime jobs. They never really think about what they’re learning, just try to pass the next test.
I guess the short of it (after such a long post) is that I think there’s a real value to unstructured time, and sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, cross your fingers and toes, and let them go out there and find themselves. I think we have to be uncomfortable sometimes in order to do what they need us to do – let go.
Here by way of Andrea:
My god, you have great commenters. Must be because that was such a great post. My twin boys are only 13 months, but I’m already thinking about how we can structure our lives so they can have lots of active, outdoors, unstructured play. My house is also a disaster because we’re never in it unless someone is sleeping or eating…
Love your blog-I’ll add you to my blogroll.
We’re still a long way away from this stage but I’ve always admired how our neighbour let her kids just play — ride bikes, walk around the neighbourhood, hang out. Only now she is moving them back to Kingston so that they can do all of these things more freely than they can in the city. Somehow I think that we’ve been convinced that if, as parents, we are somehow vigilent enough, we can prevent anything bad from happening to our kids ever. As soon as we relax, we wonder if we are somehow inviting trouble.
Great post, as always, Dani.