Swimming in angst

You’re gonna laugh at me for this one.

You know what? This parental angst thing doesn’t end when you get them potty trained. After going through all that worry, there’s still even more things to worry about. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

We’re on the cusp of bigger things to fret over. I can’t believe I’m going to look fondly back on the day when the worst daily stress was how to keep him from splattering the strained peas across the kitchen and onto the dog.

(Do you see this fancy deke-and-feint thing I’m doing? Kind of dancing around, avoiding the topic. It’s cuz I know you’re going to laugh at me and I don’t want to get to it just yet.)

I’ve noticed that I have a lot of my own self esteem invested in my kids. I dress them in cute clothes because I see them as little extensions of myself, representatives of me. When people admire how adorable they are, how smart they are, how tall they are, I like to take at least a little bit of the credit.

I just realized that street runs two ways. When they are not entirely successful, it must be some failing on my part. Yah yah, I know, I know. Probably not healthy, they’re their own people, not possessions. Yadda yadda. Whatever.

(takes deep breath) I think Tristan is going to fail his level one preschool swimming lessons.

There, it’s out. Oh, the shame! A child of mine? Failing?? Say it ain’t so!

It was parents’ day at swimming lessons, so all the parents were in the pool with the kidlets. He showed us how to hold the kids to encourage the basic front and back floats, and he explained the criteria for passing this level. The troublesome one is that the kids need to be able to keep their faces in the water for three to five seconds, and I know Tristan (just like his mother, in fact) hates putting his face in the water.

I also have a whole new respect for the teacher. For four weeks, I’ve watched from the side of the pool as Tristan obeyed the teacher, waited his turn and listened to instructions. With me in the pool, it was a power struggle to keep him within arms reach while trying to listen to what the teacher was saying, and rather than float or blow bubbles on cue, Tristan just wanted to do his own thing.

The teacher said he needs to see the kids perform each task three times successfully, and with only four classes left and Tristan nowhere near keeping his face in the water for more than a second, it doesn’t look good. In crisis management mode, I started writing an action plan in my head:

1. Start desensitizing him to putting his face in the water. I got right on that one by holding his head under water and counting to ten. Three to five seconds of his own volition will seem like a cakewalk after a week of that.

2. Hire a tutor. Consider former Olympian athlete as personal swim coach. Wonder if Mark Tewksbury needs a job.

3. Sabotage other swimmers. Whisper to other kids that there are poopies and boogers and vegetables in the water, so be sure not to put your face in no matter what.

4. Start letter-writing campaign to the community centre manager, city councillor, local newspaper and Member of Parliament saying my son is being discriminated against for his water-phobia. Demand rules be bent to accomodate his special needs.

Okay, so I’m playing this up for dramatic effect. God help me, I’m not one of those parents yet. But there was a moment when I caught myself wondering what I could do to make sure he passes this session. A fleeting moment, I promise. Then I shook it off and remembered that we’re doing this for Tristan, not for me.

Damn. It’s not always about me?

Just when I think I’ve got a handle on it, I realize I still have a lot to learn about this parenting thing.

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Author: DaniGirl

Canadian. storyteller, photographer, mom to 3. Professional dilettante.

15 thoughts on “Swimming in angst”

  1. Does it bother Tristan at all? The Boy simply refused to swim, but seemed to think that the fault was in the water, not in him. In a way, I find that healthy.

  2. WHOA WHOA WHOA….don’t go there!!
    You know my background and now hear this. In my experience preschoolers often take MANY sessions before they pass the first level. We are talking MANY. There is NO rush. He will NOT care. As long as he is having fun and wants to go back, he is passing with flying colours. We have been in the same level for a YEAR and only one of my guys is just almost likely ready to pass. They are THREE. In fact, no matter what age a person starts swimming lessons, it can take a very very very very very long time for them to get over that first hurdle.
    Are you hearing me?? Please do not worry about this, but of course, relish in your dramatics, cause they are actually very very very very very enjoyable to read.
    xoxo

  3. wait it gets better. I know your opinions on hockey, but just imagine for a second.
    There are sort outs for Novice hockey ( 7 year olds). As I was sitting in the stands I was listening to some parents discuss sort out strategies to get their child on the coveted A-teams.
    1) I told him never to be the first one in line for a drill, be 4th or 5th, watch what the other kids are doing.
    2) 3 weeks of hockey camp in August to get him tuned up for the sort outs.
    3) I even saw some paretns buying Tim Horton’s coffees for the sort out judges. Bribery I tell you.
    Thank goodness Liam did not get placed in C. I have arranged for him to spend next summer in Florida at the Jacques Martin training camp.

  4. LMAO! DANI!!! HELLO REMEMBER NATHAN!!!!
    The pool and not going in without MOMMY! He still has not passed his first level swimming and will not go in the water without ME! I have to find him a place to drop him off and run! I was mortified he would not even go in the water without me and I was pissed off at the pool leader telling me to take my money and run. I guess kids take their time in doing things their own way.
    I hear you sister! but your guy at least is going with the teacher without you to me that is a pass in my books! I may have to get my Life guard to teach him myself.

  5. Oh yeah and the parenting thing…it gets worse….It’s hard to rein one self in at times. I have to watch all the time. With you on that one too. I live through my children.. Miranda now says MOM it’s ok but you really need to get a life.
    LMAO! She’s right wahhhhhhh!

  6. Great blog Dani! My Tristan is the biggest suck for even getting water droplets on his head in the tub. I don’t think he will be comfortable putting his head under until he can afford to put a pool in his own backyard!
    However, I would like to echo Nancy and say please continue to share the angst as it’s a great start to my day!

  7. I’m with you. I vote for ‘no face in the water at any time’. I think I inherited this from my mom who always tells us she doesn’t like water in any of her ‘holes’. YIKES!
    Bribery may work though.

  8. Okay, Dani you maybe wrong about the Z or Zed thing (refer to Nancy post) But, you are so right on this one. I have the same fear. Grant has a few classes left and I fear he is not going to pass either. He will put his face in the water but, not for long enough.
    I don’t know why I think this will make or break my child. But, I do.. I just want him to succeed at everything he does and the first time too. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I know I know… To much pressure… I will stop. ๐Ÿ™‚ not really but, I don’t want Nancy to yell at me.
    Robin

  9. Be thankful he is at least getting in the pool! You would think with fish for parents, little J would be a natural. Not. I will admit that all of a sudden he started swimming in his bath. We watched swimming one day and since then he pretends to swim back and forth. I am afraid to take him to the pool in case his old fear returns!
    Anna – who failed “Dolphin” 4 times and finally gave up.

  10. You never know, Dani. I thought for sure that Allie was going to fail her level 1 swimming lessons. She was, by far, the ‘worst’ swimmer in the class. The others were all little fish and had no fear. I had to bribe her with a sprinkle donut and chocolate milk every time we went to class!! I even asked the teacher if we should drop out(Ohhhhh the shame!) Much to my surprise, she passed!!
    She has made it perfectly clear though that she is NOT interested in level 2!!
    Thanks for my morning smile ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Okay I’ll try this again (kicked out first time)
    I’m with Yvonne on this one…blame the teacher ๐Ÿ™‚
    I do have any idea though. Take a deep breath…have you thought about getting in the water with Tristan and leading by example? Maybe if he saw you holding your breathe under water, he might be more inclined to participate. You could both open your eyes under water and make funny faces at each other while you’re holding your breath…well, okay…funnier faces. He might be able to get the hang of it if he sees it as a fun activity.
    Okay, you can breathe again. It was just a (crazy) idea. Good luck. I know, I know – Luck is your Chinese neighbour’s middle name.

  12. I wouldn’t worry about it. I was a swim instructor for 15 years and all kids get stuck some where in the levels (I failed my first swimming level many times because I wouldn’t put my face in and went on to Olympic Trials a decade later). I’m sure you’ve heard this but… it’s not pass or fail, it’s a progression based system.
    When he’s swimming relax, go have a coffee and let the instructor work his/her magic. With most swimming skills it just clicks one day.

  13. Oh, Dani. If it makes you feel better, LG won’t even get the chance to fail his swim lesson. He hated it so much that I’ve been accidentally on purpose making other plans for swim lesson time. He hates putting his face in the water AND he hates being cold. He promises to go back in the summer, when he does enjoy it more.

  14. Dani, what a beautiful post! I’ve so been there. This past spring, after a few swim lessons the instructor, this young small scared looking thing, comes up to me and tells me my twins, yes both of them, are in the wrong level and should be one level down next session but she’ll kepp them here for now since we are halfway through the session. My heart stopped beating, my face flushed and I was too stunned to come up with an intelligent remark as I pulled out form the recessed of my brain memories of parents I had witnessed screaming at the swim instructor “what do you mean my child won’t pass this level? What did I pay for these lessons for?” and I wasn’t going to be one of those. I left with my tail between my legs.
    But then summer came and went and by the end of it, at 3.5 years of age, they were both jumping in the pool from the diving board WITH NO FLOATIES and swimming laps and all teh while I’m thinking if only that swim instructor could see them now, hah, go down a level, what was she thinking of!!

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