Saw this over at the Canadian Expatriates’ Blog. They’ve always got some great CanCon over there.
If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves off as a Canadian, make the following statement – and then carefully note their reaction:
“Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Damn chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he’s all chippy and everything, calling me a shit disturber and what not. What could I say, except, ‘Chimo!'”
If the person you are talking to nods sympathetically, they’re one of us. If, however, they stare at you with a blank incomprehension, they are not a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once.
The passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms. Can you spot them?
Pogey: Employment insurance. Money provided by the government for not working.
Mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is still a Canadianism through and through.)
C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with “hockey stick,” another kind of Canadian Club.
Beer Parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.
Skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers.
Muskeg: Boggy swampland.
Duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants, each trying to pretend the other doesn’t exist while at the same time managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada’s French and English.
Deke: Used as a verb, it means “to fool an opponent through skillful misdirection.” As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory constructions, such as: “Whadda deke!” Meaning, “My, what an impressive display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile.”
Chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to the pleasure of Calgarians.
Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart. Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray, uses of.)
Snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner; non-restrictive extended semi-gerundial form of “did sneak.” (We think.)
Ghost Car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its inconspicuousness.
Impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an adjective (the alternative adjectival from of “impaired” being “pissed to the gills”).
S.O.L.: Shit outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.
Stanfields: Mens underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front. And back!
Toque: Canada’s official National Head Apparel, with about the same suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields.
Chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly looking for a reason to find offense; from “chip on one’s shoulder.” (See Western Canada)
Shit Disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur. According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, “shit disturber” is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a shit disturber, and you will do fine.)
Chimo!: The last sound heard before a Canadian falls over. Passes out!
Eh!
Also fun was this little name game, found everywhere on the Internet this week: discover the hidden meaning of your name at http://www.bostonuk.com/names/default.asp
You have enormous vitality and originality making you a dynamic individual with great charm and sex appeal. You believe in putting one hundred per cent into all your activities of which there are many. You have potential to achieve great success in business or public affairs where your friendship and consideration of others wins you many allies. Your innate strength and determined effort is able to overcome any obstacles. Freedom is important to you.
Thought this was kinda cool because it tells me I’ll have great success in public affairs – happens to be the department I work in, so that’s a good sign!
I also laughed at the Welsh meaning of Tristan (noisy one) and the Hebrew meaning of Simon (listener). They’re a matched set!
Categories: Canadianisms
Thanks for the cultural lesson! I never knew…
It’s Great To be Canadian EH?
Anna – Grace, Hebrew, but I knew that a long time ago
Laughing. I’m still waiting for someone to write up a travelogue for my favorite place-name in the whole damn world: St. Louis du Ha! Ha!, Quebec. Someday I will buy a Tim Horton’s coffee mug (for camoflauge) and investigate the mystery of who was St. Louis, and why he is du Ha! Ha!
Phantom, have been there, not too much going on. Would love to know the meaning.
Anna
I think your description is quite accurate on several levels. I mean how can one argue with your overwhelming sex appeal?!?
Here’s mine:
After an Irish river : Irish
Energetic and courageous you stand up for your beliefs and for what you desire. You are independent, strong willed and fiercely competitive when needed although your ambition is tempered with patience. You maintain a positive attitude and with a more organised or practical approach to life material success is very likely. Your immensely loving and generous nature brings joy into peoples lives and ensures your happiness.
Now, I’m off to check out that “noisy one” definition!!
Barbara
Beautiful stranger : Latin
Life is never dull with your adventurous and restless spirit. You are always on the move and seeking a new challenge to pit your wits against. Being in touch with nature you love the outdoors. You have keen intuition and a desire for knowledge and you can be something of a crusader. When you apply discipline and tenacity to your energetic mind then leadership positions are easily available to you.
Wow
re: Canadian test – I always thought it was as easy as asking for vinegar for my fries – the Americans always look at me like I just asked them to dip me in blood.
Nancy
Grace : Hebrew
You are charming, talented and have a very positive attitude to life so it is hardly surprising that you attract success and recognition. Focussed and patient you understand that material rewards are a result of discipline. Being so creative and with a need for self-expression you may be drawn towards the arts, travel is also likely to be important. A loyal friend, you are a person who must be allowed freedom and independence.
I think I may half-heartedly agree, but no where near as accurate as it seems for the rest of you!!
P.S. I have always known my name (derived from Anne, which is also my middle name) meant grace. I am so NOT graceful. So there.
Oh man (àla swiper fox) I just plugged in my kids’ names and there was that reminder of B’s name:
Son of the right hand : Hebrew
Ack!!!
Sharon
An exotic princess : Hebrew
Versatile, intelligent and artistically talented. You love to enjoy yourself and tend to experience a happy domestic life and material success. You have a methodical and thorough mind and are able to organise large projects easily. Charming and likeable and with more than your share of sex appeal you tend to find yourself in the spotlight and much admired by others. Life is more fun with you around.
Well there ya go Dani!!! PARTY TIME!
As for How to spot a Canadian…I thought for sure eh that I would not understand one single thing…Crap that all made perfect sense to me…but We don’t get chinooks out here to often although I would love one.
I’m soooo Proud to be a Canuck…although SHHHH I’m out of C
C!
Check out this article. I would be interested in hearing your opinions on this, having experienced the benefits of reproductive technology.
It is not as OMG as the title would lead you to believe.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1772135_1,00.html
“I always thought it was as easy as asking for vinegar for my fries – the Americans always look at me like I just asked them to dip me in blood.”
ROTFLMBO!!! That is indeed the case. I also got that look the first time that I asked for gravy for my french fries.
i love the name meanings link!!
mine: Susan
Graceful lily : Hebrew
Charming, witty, original and idealistic you have a creative and inventive mind with great intuition. Your broad vision, perceptive powers and compassion gives you an instinctive understanding of peoples needs. You are a natural leader who has a talent for inspiring and teaching others and always display fairness, honesty and integrity. You are always seeking a new challenge for your vast creative potential.
heehee, graceful…hardly!
I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it with my own eyes. I keyed in Batman…
Batman
You have a charismatic and magnetic personality which others cannot help but be drawn to ensuring you of many friends. Very ambitious your keen perceptive powers and ability to absorb knowledge helps you to achieve your objectives. You are a strong willed and industrious worker who is prepared to earn all the material success and good fortune which comes your way. With a philosophical attitude happiness is assured.
Where’s the part about liking to play dress up in long very tight long underwear, capes, a mask and funny ears. ??
My middle name–lovely.
Oh btw, hilarious! Does it count if you knew half of the terms? My baby already says Ayuh, and I say Eh, and I am willing to watch curling and I love Tim Hortons, and I wanna be a Canadian–so can halfway count?
lol – I thought it was a given.
Bitter : Hebrew
Sensitive and emotional you are highly intuitive and have a wonderful imagination. The instinctive impressions which you receive about people and situations are usually accurate and mean that you can rarely be misled. You have finally found the perfect mix of Schwarzkopf dyes needed to achieve the perfect hair colour. You have healing and counselling abilities which can help to alleviate the suffering of others. You are verbose, vain, and given to drinking fine bourbon in the bathtub while listening to Etta James. Your loyalty, integrity and belief in life means that you are much admired and assured of many friends – most of them imaginary or existing only in your comments section.
Hey! It’s really accurate! You can hardly tell the parts I stuck in there from the real stuff.
(my next t-shirt is going to say BITTER!) ÂÂ
PS – I passed, after ten years living here PLUS I know what a Newfie Toaster is!
OMG Marla – you cracked me up!!!! VVG!
You guys get weirder every day, you do know that right? I’m busting a gut here.
Yvonne, will check the link when I have a sec (am not supposed to be on the puter right now) but thanks.
Marla, I’ll bite, what’s a Newfie toaster? (she said, wondering if she really wanted to know the answer)
When I first moved to Canada, a friend made toast on the stove by using a neat looking contraption to suspend the bread over a burner. Without my glasses or contacts, and suffering a bit of a hangover, I couldn’t quite see what it was and asked him – to which he replied “It’s a Newfie Toaster” . I was like “Oh! Where can I get one?” in a bright, cute, interested voice. Then I looked closer and saw that it was just a bent coathanger!
lol