My lawn hates me

by DaniGirl on May 24, 2005 · 6 comments

in Uncategorized

I remember the good old days, when grass was my friend. It was cool and tickly on my toes. If you found a nice fat piece, you could make a kazoo with your bare hands. The long pieces were as sweet as candy. The sun shone down, the grass was warm and humid, and the days lasted forever.

Now grass is my nemesis. It grows up between the interlocking bricks on my walkway, but for the last two years has stubbornly refused to grow in the big bald patch in the middle of my front yard. How hard can it be to grow grass? Grade school kids grow grass in styrofoam cups – are they in on some horticultural insider information that hasn’t yet been revealed to me?

I come from people who are fixated on their lawn. I remember my granda out fussing over the lawn in the summertime, and I have pictures of me at maybe four years old, queen of a mountain of topsoil that had just been deposited on their driveway for lawn maintenance.

My mother inherited her gardening capability from her father. The lawns of my childhood were inviting green welcome mats of lush grass. No dandylion ever dared rear its yellow head on my mother’s watch.

This is the first house we’ve owned that tested my own lawn care skills. Our previous garden home had no backyard and the tiny front yard was maintained by the condo corporation’s landscapers. When we moved in to this house two years ago, I could hardly wait to face off against weeds, poop-dogs and lawn pests to showcase my horticultural prowess.

The back yard is beautiful, I have to admit it. The grass is thick and healthy, and the inevitable burns from doggie deposits are quickly repaired with little intervention on my part. The lawn was doing so well, in fact, that last summer we decided to reward it by uprooting a twelve foot circle of perfect, healthy happy grass to put up an oversized kiddy pool.

For a while, I considered putting the pool in the front yard. At least we already had the big bare patch of dirt. I’m guessing our problem is grubs. By the end of the first summer, the grass had dried up and died on a wide swath that wiped out more than half the yard. In September, I made a half-hearted effort at reseeding the lawn, but at six months pregnant I was getting toward too fat to see, let alone care about, the ground at my feet.

The seed never took, so I tried again the following spring. Once again, the seed never took, but I did grow a lovely crop of weeds that filled in the dirt patch admirably and with no sleep and two kids under three I was content enough to let the lawn go native for the summer. Next year, I promised myself.

This spring, I have focused my attention and vowed to resuscitate the front yard. I raked, I dethatched, I fertilized. I pulled weeds. I put down organic compost and bought the expensive grass seed, not the dollar store stuff. I watered it every day. I kept the boys and the dog off of it, which was the most challenging task by far. I got a bumper crop of very happy, very healthy… weeds.

But no grass.

Oh well. At least weeds are green. That’s a start, right?

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Troy May 24, 2005 at 5:36 pm

Perhaps it’s time to bring in the professionals? You know, those grade school kids and their styrofoam cups.
Great post. Thanks for the smile.

2 Snack Mommy May 25, 2005 at 1:07 am

LMAO at Troy!!

3 Jen May 25, 2005 at 2:32 am

Baby Girl was kind of freaked out by grass when she saw it in the park, because we have none in our year. Neither do our neighbours or their neighbours. Things like a lack of grass make me wonder about raising a child in the city! Revel in your weeds!

4 AnnaJ May 25, 2005 at 11:48 am

Ahh, I think we would take the weeds right about now 😉 In all seriousness, I did take a few gardening classes and was told that weeds fill in when grass can’t. So, perhaps you will need to try a different seed, a mix perhaps that will have different chances at different times of day to take hold. If all else fails, keep a look out for who is digging new gardens in your neighbourhood and grab some of the grass before they haul it off on garbage day. Sometimes you only need a piece or two to get things started (or you can buy a roll at Rona or Canadian Tire). Will stroll by and check it out one day 😉

5 alliemom May 25, 2005 at 1:00 pm

My daughter told me the other day that her favourite flower was the dandelion because they’re all over the backyard. Made me see the weeds in a whole new light!

6 George July 17, 2005 at 3:11 am

Why not trying to utilize the many different forums out there like,, or

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