I have the power

by DaniGirl on March 23, 2005 · 8 comments

in Uncategorized

It started innoccuously enough. I was trying – with little success – to motivate Tristan into getting his little butt in gear so we could get out the door. He had a different agenda.

Me (ordinary voice) : “Okay, Tristan-bean, time to get your shoes on.”
Tristan : ignore
Me (singsong voice) : “Triiiiistan, it’s time to go. Come here please.”
Tristan : ignore, poke Simon
Me (stern voice) : “That’s enough of that. Get over here so I can put your shoes on.”
Tristan : ignore, poke Simon
Me (annoyed voice): “Hey! Are you listening to me? I said get over here NOW.”
Tristan : ignore, starts pulling socks off
Me (bellowing) : “Don’t you DARE pull those socks off.”
Tristan : tosses peeled-off sock in the other direction

That’s when it happened. Like tumblers clicking into place, something shifted deep in my psyche. It burbled up from the depths of my being in an icy geyser. I felt my facial features twisting, pulling, moulding into something I had never experienced. That’s when I unleashed… (cue ominous music) the Icy Glare of Impending Doom.

My own mother has an Icy Glare of Impending Doom that would freeze a hardened criminal in his tracks. I am 35 years old, and still wake in the night after panicked dreams of being on the wrong end of the Icy Glare of Impending Doom. It is the ocular equivalent of a taser.

I didn’t know I had it in me. It never occured to me to even attempt an Icy Glare of Impending Doom – such powers are not to be trifled with. Like divine intervention, the Icy Glare of Impending Doom makes itself available when the time is right.

To my amazement and delight, the Icy Glare of Impending Doom lasered through my eyeballs and neutralized Tristan’s obstinance. As he scuttled obediently over to collect his discarded sock, his eyes flashed a quick succession of surprise, respect and compliance. He never saw it coming.

Like a superhero discovering their secret talent, I feel I have come fully into my power as a mother now. I have harnessed the power of the Icy Glare of Impending Doom. Don’t mess with me or I’ll glare at you, too.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 SilverCreek Mom March 23, 2005 at 1:36 pm

OH dani
Your killing me….I have a look like that too. But it usually sends my daughters friend running in terror and NOT my kids. I guess my kids are used to it…they just look away.
Thank for for my first laugh of the day!
And congratulations on complete and total motherhood!

2 Snack Mommy March 23, 2005 at 2:16 pm

Can you bottle and market that thing?
My Icy Glare of Impending Doom is pretty much met with the response of….”Oh this is getting good. If I now take off my pants, I might get her to pop a blood vessal.”.
Hmmmm, maybe I need lessons

3 JoJo March 23, 2005 at 2:59 pm

I always said that my father never laid a hand on me but I got some good “whuppin” with his eyes. Especially if his face was frozen and breathing was barely audible.
Now that you have this new found power what will you conquer next?

4 Liesl March 23, 2005 at 3:32 pm

you get you diploma to complete Motherhood now! I figure you’re not a complete Mom until you have perfected the greasy eyeball.

5 Suzanne March 23, 2005 at 5:40 pm

Oh, man, I must be doing something wrong. My Look of Death elicits absolutely no response. Well, sometimes my son laughs. Send me a photo, will you, so I can practice?

6 Nancy March 23, 2005 at 7:13 pm

I am coming for private lessons! Anything from me to them in that regard usually gets me laughed AT and then they proceed to runaway laughing their heads off…I need help! My mother was the Queen of the Guilt Trip Kingdom…too early yet but waiting…waiting…waiting…
Dani – your post is so brilliantly written and hilarious, thorouhgly enjoyed!!

7 Shelley March 24, 2005 at 3:23 am

Only mothers know just how much can truly be accomplished with little more than a “look”. Never fear- the Icy Glare is just one of the “looks” you will master as your children grow, along with the Withering Glance, the Don’t You Dare Stare and the Expression of Extreme Exasperation.

8 Danigirl March 24, 2005 at 1:46 pm

I’m thinking about disabling the comments section – the comments you leave are funnier than my posts and you’re making me look bad! šŸ˜‰
xo Danigirl, thinking my first success with IGID was likely due to fluke or beginner’s luck

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