It’s not like I didn’t brace for it. After all, I’ve been pregnant a few times over the last six or seven years, so I know what to expect. I was walking into Loblaws when I felt it coming on, and I even paused and braced for it. It didn’t help. <\/p>\n
I sneezed, and to my utter dismay, I squirted.<\/p>\n
What the hell? I’m barely six months pregnant, and I didn’t even have a full bladder. I’ve even been doing my kegels. <\/p>\n
Speaking of kegels, after birthing 9 lbs and 10 lbs of boy, I take my kegels very seriously. If I didn’t, I imagine my uterus may end up dangling somewhere between my knees by the time I whelp this one. I remember from our prenatal classes, way back when I was pregnant with Tristan, that the nurse said you should find an activity that you do every day and use that activity as a reminder to do your kegels. I could have maybe chosen when I’m standing in my private kitchen making dinner, maybe chosen my private bathroom while brushing my teeth, but no. For every single pregnancy, you know where the only place is that I can remember to do my kegels? At the bus stop. The Rideau Centre bus stop, that is, the one with a minimum of 75 people standing cheek-by-jowl waiting for one of the 6000 buses that pass by during rush hour.<\/p>\n
I’m sure the occasional bystander must wonder about the well-rounded woman staring off into the middle distance with a look on her face not unlike she is passing a rather large bowel movement as she stands waiting for the bus. I’m just glad I am (usually) able to keep the grunting under control as I work those muscles.<\/p>\n
Gah, sometimes I think pregnancy is just one long series of ever-increasing indignities so by the time you’re propped up on the table with your feet in the stirrups and a roomful of strangers staring at your hoo-ha, you simply don’t care anymore.<\/p>\n
Ah well, I suppose there’s irony somewhere in the fact that after a long and arduous road to success, Simon is now perfectly potty trained… and I no longer am.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s not like I didn’t brace for it. After all, I’ve been pregnant a few times over the last six or seven years, so I know what to expect. I was walking into Loblaws when I felt it coming on, and I even paused and braced for it. It didn’t help. I sneezed, and to … Continue reading “The Sneeze”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1045","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-postcards-from-my-uterus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1045","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1045"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1045\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1045"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1045"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/danigirl.ca\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1045"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}