Now with Oliver it’s a different story, because of his age (he’s almost 4) and because of who he is. He doesn’t play by the rules and is curious. I worry that he would be easily distracted; easily lured.

To even consider allowing them to walk around the block, like you asked, Julia would have to be 7 and Oliver would have to be 5. I think I would, though, because our area is very close-knit and “sleepy”, but if I didn’t trust Oliver to stay with his sister and not run ahead/get lost, I wouldn’t do it.

BeachMama – I have a greater fear of older kids, than older people, when it comes to my son. You’re the first to mention it, I’m glad I’m not totally alone!

I do believe that children need to have freedom to play and explore the neighbourhood within boundaries set by their family. I believe the only way in which our neighbourhoods are more dangerous today is that fewer children are playing outdoors, and fewer parents are peeking out of their windows to keep an eye on the neighbourhood children — not that the actual threats to the children are any higher.

I understand not wanting to alter the fence much, but I really think it’s the best option. Either the hinges or the velcro would give your boys access to the neighbours behind but still have easy access TO YOU. And should you sell or the neighbours move, just hammer those boards back in place.

So many interesting perspectives. Marla, you know what? If they were girls I suspect I wouldn’t allow them to do it yet, and I’d be much more wary. What does that say about me, and about our society? So very interesting.

Trixie raises the one thing most likely to make me not let them — the big “what if” factor.

I’m not at all convinced, though, that the world is any different. We might, as a parental generation, be more paranoid, but I truly don’t think the world itself and the neighbourhoods in which we live are inherently more dangerous.

Then again, I don’t think I rode in a car seat when I was a baby, either, and I certainly wouldn’t dream of not having one now….

Sadly, I do think things are different from when I was a child. I roamed all over my town with almost no supervision. My parents never worried that I would be snatched.

I am trying to find a balance between letting my son have more freedom and being overprotective. It can be difficult sometimes.

I don’t think the world has changed. I think that parents and our approach might have, though. And so if I’m concerned about anything it’s that my children wandering the streets would be the only ones, leaving them somehow more vulnerable. I’m not sure how logical that is, though, really.

Given the high-density (and often high traffic) of the Ottawa burbs, I would not be comfortable. You mentioned that the neighbour-behind-you-house is on a quiet cul-de-sac, which is perfect. Are you also on a quiet and low-traffic street? You can see where I’m going with this.

I am also in the “free-range kids” camp, but we’re not in a small town anymore and we don’t know all of our neighbours anymore. There are parts of Barrhaven that are literally polluted with townhomes and even the singles are stacked right on top of each other…if the boys are going to walk a potentially mid-to-hi residential populated area, I just wouldn’t be comfortable. Sorry!

My kids are sooooo much younger that I find this fascinating and look forward to hearing your conclusions as I know I will someday be faced with similar issues. This is just my two cents. In the end, you know your kids and you have great instincts. Do what feels right for you and your family.

As far as the stranger thing, I think things are quite different than they used to be when we were kids. I would regularly walk to the store, a mile away, during the daytime on weekends and in the summer. My mom would often not see any of us all day. As long as we were out of the house, she was good with it.

With all of the opportunities we have today for getting snatched or otherwise getting themselves into a bad situation, kids aren’t as safe as they used to be.

I let him do it, and it was huge to him. HUGE. He was so proud and excited.

At his age, I was running around our block, going to friend’s houses on the block. We knew the rule was “stay on the block” and it was a small town block with 7 houses all backed up against each other where everyone knew everyone else.

I really don’t think the world has changed as much as we like to think it has because it has changed so so much in other ways. I don’t think oru kids are in any more danger in an equivalent neighborhood than we were (which is to say taht we were probalby in more danger than our parents thought, but our kids are in a lot less danger than many of us fear).

Childhood has to be a process of increasing freedom and self-responsibility. I know parents who still don’t let their young teens around the block alone. These are children who will be legally adults in 4 or 5 years. You can’t wait until they’re adults and then hand over full responsibility without ever having prepared them beforehand.

So yeah. Going four houses away, out of my sight — its a tiny first step along that path, but he was more than ready at 6-7.

We’ve talked about safe places for her to go if she’s ever alone or separated from us, and about asking other mommies for help if needed at the parks on playdates. I think if your boys know a few neighbours between your house and theirs where they can go if they’re scared or harassed; if they know all the pertinent information (Jo doesn’t have our phone numbers memorized yet, but our address and names, yes. For a while, we realized since we never use our first names in conversations, she didn’t know them well!). I grew up in a wealthy suburb, and recall on two incidences when I was in fifth grade, walking along with girlfriends, a guy pulling up along side us in a car and masturbating. I still feel invaded by that, and my mom never warned me or told me what to do, so I fell for the “come look at the puppy on my lap” the first time. I’m afraid until she’s much more aware and street smart, there will be no running around with neighbourhood kids for her.

In your case? I’d prop a ladder up on each side of the fence, and teach them to use it. If there’s no reason to walk around, why should they? Or do a few wooden stepping blocks. Make it an adventure.

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